Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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My heart hurts...

lovehurts1978
lovehurts1978

Well...this might be a long post but i will try to make it as short as possible. I have been here before but i requested to have my account closed and apparently it totally banned me from the site but here i am again. I got so much comfort from the people here and so i feel compelled to reach out. I have been married less then a year. The problems started 3 months into the marriage when my husband fell of the wagon and started drinking heavily. And to make a long story short he has done absolutely nothing to make changes. The drinking eventually escalated over the summer and it ended up with him picking up charges for battery on a household member and child abuse due to the fact that he has continued his verbal and mental abuse towards me in front of my daughter. We separated temporarily while the courts were involved and eventually the charges were dismissed and he moved back home. But nothing has gotten better. End of September he ended up back in jail for not paying his child support and spent almost a month in there and the whole time he treated me like crap. The closer it came time for him to get out he started changing up his tune and because i love him i allowed him to come home. Today makes 2 weeks that he has been home and he is still at it minus the drinking. Just the mean,  ugly hateful words that he uses. My daughter and i left our home 3 days ago because he got his sister and her wife on speaker phone and the 3 of them ganged up on me over some drama that they created. It was mean and i was just devastated that he would not only allow them to do that but to also participate in it. I have not been home since and yesterday i filed a restraining order on him and while i know something drastic needed to be done on my part to put a stop to this vicious cycle i cant help feeling so broken. Because in spite of it all i truly love this man and i dont know how to move on without him. 

HellandHeartbreak
HellandHeartbreak
I am so sorry knowing whats best and doing it is a hard struggle of heart and mind. I am currently going through it too.
The mental and verbal abuse if the unseen damage and in the long run we will all get through and be better for it you have support.
lovehurts1978
lovehurts1978
Thank you. I read your post and actually shared it with my coworker. It was mind blowing and i feel for you. Its so hard to fathom how the person who takes vows to love, honor and cherish you drop the ball on it and just walk away without really trying. I am having a very emotional day and cant really wrap my mind around what is happening to my marriage. But after doing everything in my power to make it work i have to let go and let God. i do have a lot of support but when it comes to friends and family its harder to confide in them because while they only want what is best for us i cant stand to hear them so stop crying and you dont need that or its for the best. I just need to be able to feel my feelings.
HellandHeartbreak
HellandHeartbreak
you do you, cry hard and loud, rant, scream or keep it to yourself but these are our ways of dealing and we deserve to hate and enjoy every minute. Im learning in this hard and will be long healing process. one minute a part of me wants to beg for reconcile and then I remember why im hurting to begin with and I feel the pain of that first day alone rush over me again. weather your the one that's leaving or the one that's left its never easy to leave love behind.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
Whether is's verbal or physical. it's still abuse. If someone truly loves someone, they will not abuse them. I don't usually advise divorce but, what about your daughter? Should she be subjected to this type behavior too?. Sounds to me you should end this before it escalates into something worse.
waz
waz
If the relationship is not healthy for you and your daughter time to end it. Short term v's long term gains. The journey may not be easy but better days ahead. Abuse once started rarely stops. Sorry you find yourself in this situation. Take care
sherril2291
sherril2291
I am so sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through this. My husband fell off the wagon after 12 years of sobriety, but started getting mean 6 years into the marriage - a dry drunk, they call it. This was after he stopped attending AA. We are divorced now, but this went on for 15 years...the name calling, the hurtful words, the broken promises...I hung in there because he was my son's father, and because "I loved him"...but really, at the end of the day, I loved who I thought he was, who he was, or pretended to be once...one aspect of him-- who he could have been, maybe, if he had chosen to love me or his family more than the alcohol...I tried everything - counseling, prayer, separations - but nothing worked because inside himself he wasn't willing to do the work to substitute the need inside to drink with something healthy and healing.
You can't make your husband change his heart - no one can do it but him and God. It's hard letting go of what could have been, but I pray you move on now and show your daughter what a healthy, strong life looks like. It will take a while to grieve the dream, but each day you will get stronger and learn that life and marriage doesn't have to include addiction and struggle.
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