You say enough is enough when it finally is, which could be sometime soon by the sounds of things.

You sound like a real sweetheart to me, a damn fine catch, thus you are unlikely to be on you own for long.

I would love to be your friend and hear your story

@Perry. Thank you for the nice comment. All I want is to happy and enjoy life why we are still here. I don't think it is supposed to be this hard.

I know just how you feel. I had no one as well. its you who decides how long or whether you look to reconnect or move on, you're not alone EVER

When I was a kid we used to go to a lake house in New Hampshire every summer. On the lake, there was a platform you could swim to at its center. Of course, all the bigger kids would swim out to it as fast as they could while the younger, weaker swimmers trailed behind in inflatable rafts, awkwardly paddling and drifting. It was a lot of fun, but once, one of my cousins grabbed my raft and took off for the shore, leaving me stranded on the platform. The water between me and the shore seemed to stretch for miles and as I watched him drop my raft and take off up the sand, I was left with a choice on whether to follow. Fast forward to the present; I was married for 18 years before I asked for my divorce (20 years if you count the process). Between both my ex and I, there was plenty of imperfection to go around that it would be easy to throw in the towel at any point. I watched my hope decline over the last year we were together until there was a point where it was gone and I just didn't want to live that hopeless life anymore. There came a point where I stood at the edge of a choice, to either ride the waves of this relationship or move on. I decided to move on. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. My ex immediately became a different person and I became a target. At 5’4” and 140lbs I was a pretty fit guy, but as the divorce took its toll I lost an additional 20-25lbs. At times, my coworkers would reach out to me out of an abundance of concern. I looked awful, felt miserable. I wouldn’t eat for days. I would question whether I should have just stayed where I was and waited. But at the end of the day, standing where I do now, I would do it all over again. While at times it seemed so bleak, I realized that the world was as I thought it was; a fantastic place where I could shape my own happiness. And that is what you need to understand; we weren't made to live miserable lives and the life you want is there for taking, whether that is with your husband or beyond the waters of your current relationship. Just know that you have the power of that decision, that you can make the swim and that there is a shore to swim to on the other side.

Great post Caesar, thank you for writing.

Hello - I would definitely see a therapist to discuss what you're feeling. After my wife shocked me by asking for a divorce I was a devastated but I found a great therapist who is really helping me put this in perspective.

Pieces, I'm sorry you're in pain. Divorce is a huge decision to make. I understand you're unhappy, but what is really making you unhappy? You've been married for 23 years and that is a long time. Life can and does become predictable and we often feel that we're unhappy because of the person we're married to. This is a part of our lives that we can change and feel maybe this will give us happiness. This causes a lot of people to think it's their spouse that is making them unhappy, so they opt for divorce and find out the unhappiness is still with them.

I am not judging you or why you feel the way you do. I only want to point out that life becomes boring at times and we go through highs and lows and you may want to see a counselor before making any major decisions in life. Once you bring up the "D" word, a lot of damage happens that can often not be reversed.

What is wrong with your husband that makes you want to leave him? Please think about this for a long time before making this decision.

I wish you well.

Your post has resonated with me. We are still married and at a very fragile stage as we have been struggling and we did go to counseling earlier this year for a couple months. I do believe we are at different paths in our lives and we no longer make each other happy, yet we still do genuinely care for each other. So much has been established in our 25 years with routines, dates, friendships, but there was always the arguing and yelling that has become so draining. I couldn't take the last one we had and decided to go sleep upstairs in another room. He didn't like that and wanted to kick me out and told me to leave and through my stuff at the door. We have had arguments, but it's not always clear if this time "is it" or not and I am not one to walk away so easily. I do not share with my friends/ family much either as I don't want anyone to take what I may need to vent about out of context or pass judgement. We all know there are 2 sides and marriage is difficult and takes hard work, but I wish there was a book that guided you through so you would know when it's past fixing.

I am going through something similar right now. I don't know how this happened. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship after we loss our baby he started to act different and then eventually there were signs that made me concerned about infidelity. I don't know why this has happened. All I know is I don't deserve it.

All, thank you for taking the time to comment. Caesar, yes, I am out on the platform trying to decide what to do. Either choice can end up badly for me because no one is coming to save me.

Elizabeth, He drains the life and happiness out of me. He is always moody and angry. He is verbally mean, inconsiderate, and a bully. He doesn't not physically hurt me but emotionally I am in pieces.

Tomorrow, Are you still with him? We try to remember the good time to pull us through but right now the good times are few and far between. We have not talked in weeks. We pretend we don't see each other when we are home together. We text things like "did you feed the dog" so that we don't have to talk to each. This last no talking episode is because we were at the store and he could not find me for 2 minutes. My dad died when he was 50 years old. I am 46 years old. I told my husband I don't want to spend whatever time I had fighting and miserable.

ShreddedHeart. I don't understand why they don't see how they treat us. I also went through him texting the ex-girlfriend. He said he did not mean anything. It was just text but it means everything. I don't think I have fully recovered from that I just try to push it down. All I want is to be happy, have fun and enjoy being able to breath. Why is that so hard?

I feel exactly what you are going through as I am doing the same right now. I would be married 15 years mid September. I gave all that I could to hubby and our marriage only to have to beg and plea for just a fraction of all the things a "healthy' couple would happily share (communication, support, encouragement, understanding, time, help with household duties, affection ,any type of physical connection.) only to have none of it returned.

After going through the last 10 years with not even any type of physical contact I found myself shutting down, believing that was it and simply going through the motions with absolutely nothing to look forward to.

When do we reach that point we decide it is enough? For me it was answered by someone else. I would innocently start to open up and share about myself and my unhappy marriage with another. He would be the one to give me so much of what I should have been getting from my husband and ultimately he was the one who "flipped the switch" allowing and encouraging me to live and search for all that life and a happy, healthy relationship has to offer.....and that I deserve it.

Also, when you mentioned being on that platform trying to decide because either choice could end up badly.....I think , in BOTH of our cases we need to come to realize that WE are the ones who do have to find the strength and courage to save ourselves . (I think maybe all the others here can cheer us on)

I have gotten to a point a few times where i was ready to sit down and have the "conversation " only to have something happen to pull me back in....It is easy to fear breaking free from what has become "comfortable", or of being alone, or struggling financially on my own but I DO BELIEVE THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME....perhaps for BOTH of us.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. Lonely in marriage. Try talking to him. If he won't listen then leave. But at least try first.

Veggiequeen. Your words brought me to tears. You are right. I need to find the strength to save myself. Thank you! Thank you everyone. Reading your comments and listening to your stories is the most positive thing that has happened to me in a long time.

Ok, this is scary! I'm reading my life. Pieces, limbo, fear of what will happen if I stay or worse if I go. I'm on disability. I don't know if he'll leave me high and dry, or manage some compassion for me. I depend on him for everything financial. I've been an emotional wreck for the past 4 years. The last year I've been in therapy for ADD,bipolar 2, found out I suffer from Ptsd, and emotional side effects from brain surgery. Somewhere in our marriage i lost myself. Self-esteem and confidence. Not the best time for hubby to blindside me with he no longer loves me. we live like strangers. Conversations are cats, birds, weather, blah blah, I've been working hard at trying to find myself again. And to gain the strength to make the final decision to end this. I'm like you, he was my world. What am I to do our on my own? I can't even work. I was given the book "the power is within you" by Louise Hay. I've found it extremely helpful. Along with therapy, journaling, and coloring. I still can't believe my life has come to this, and the feeling of my heart being ripped out, comes back every now and then. Mainly cuz he's here all the time reminding me of it. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this also. But it looks like it is up to us to be the strong ones. Do what we need to do to take care of us first. I have positive sticky notes up around the house.
We need to remember that we deserve better. And it's our husband's that will be losing out in the end. All easier said than done. But will be worth it in the long run. This is a good pep talk for me. I just got done eating a pint of ice cream. :(
Hang in there. :)