Hi Carla. I know exactly what you are going through. My partner left just over 2 weeks ago following an argument, moved all her stuff out etc despite it being the first argument we had where we were apart for over 2 years. She has changed from being the most devoted and fantastic person in the world to being someone who is certain it should all end leaving me and a small child she was a second mum to alone. I’ve thought about nothing else than things I could have done or should have done but ultimately I was convinced we and her and definitely me was so happy. I wake up every morning feeling it is a bad dream then I realise it’s not. I was so in love and I nor anyone around me understands why she has been cold and as if we were worth nothing to her since just over 2 weeks ago. I’m doing my best to be a good father to a little one who misses her so much while I feel worthless for how easily she left. I just don’t seem to be able to let her go but feel I tried my best to tell her how I feel about her to no avail. She has redirected mail and generally got on with her life as if we never existed and I’m heart broken

Thanks for the reply :) I totally understand trying to parent with a broken heart. It’s insanely hard! I have 3 kids from a previous relationship and trying to keep life normal for them while I’m going through this is really hard. Has it gotten any easier for you over the last couple weeks?

I’m afraid it hasn’t although this relationship has been very different for me as I was completely blindsided. The argument was my fault but considering how happy we were not enough for me and more importantly the little one to be dealt with like we never existed. We literally did everything together. We did have issues and I wasn’t shying away from that but I was just completely taken aback by how uninterested she has been in us and how easy this was for her. It’s almost like she was having an affair though that’s virtually impossible because we were together all the time. I just can’t let go and don’t want to but it’s been obvious it is all over from her

I hope you feel better soon. For what it’s worth, I’m sure it’s hard for her too. Even if she’s not showing it. You don’t just walk away from a relationship completely fine. I’ve been trying really hard not to think about what my ex is thinking or feeling. I just want to move on and not think about him at all. We were in different places in life. I already had kids and am done. He doesn’t have any and would like some. It’s so hard when you care about someone so much but your lives just don’t work together. We just gotta move on. Too bad there wasn’t some sort of moving on switch lol. That would be helpful.

I know Carla I just genuinely feel the situation is somehow wrong maybe outside influences or something. Right up to the argument we were as loving as always - it’s just all so strange and hard to understand. I thought we were so important to her or at least important enough for a face to face discussion. I’m heart broken. Are you sure there is no chance for you guys ?

I’m sure there’s no chance. We’ve tried and failed multiple times now. This time it’s for good. It sucks but I know it’s for the best. I’m trying to focus on the positives but my body isn’t cooperating. I’m anxious and my stomach is so sick. I can’t eat but thankfully I’m sleeping ok. I just keep telling myself I want to move on. I’ve been journaling and spending lots of time with the kids. Lots of deep breathing when the panic hits. Are you hoping to get back together with your ex?

I would love to but she is not interested. I don’t understand how one day I think we are so important to her and then not the next especially my little boy. It’s like we don’t exist and it hurts. I wish we could but I know she doesn’t want to. I just feel so low on confidence. I feel like I don’t know who I am or what was real in the relationship. I’m devastated

Mornings are by far the worst! I miss my wife every morning, the first morning after I get my girls back is the worst. I feel lost without her, but I'm doing just fine. By the time I pick the girls up that evening I'm back to a good place... Sometimes just because I know I have to be for them.

I hate the empty house mornings too. I cry and miss my family. I wish this wasn't my reality. I know it takes a long time to recover, but sometimes I feel like the mornings erase any progress I've made.

Wow ! You just took the words out of my mouth everything your feeling is what I have been experiencing . My husband of 8 months (together for 5) just decided to leave and disappear from my life . The pain is unbearable and the exact pattern your reporting is what I feel. The mornings are the absolute worst , can’t focus crying stomach in knots. Then it takes me foreve to get over the hump and get acclimated at work and then I settle down in the evening ... it’s awful . And the nightmares don’t help. Trust me your not alone . We are close in age .

Hi Carla,

I understand how you feel. I went through very similar experience. Three months in, I was still breaking out into tears at odd times because he suddenly came into my head. Even on a vacation with my family or in the middle of work...

All I can say is that it will take time. To be honest, I still occasionally think of my ex. But as time went on, I decided to keep trying to pull the focus from him and into what I wanted out of life and the reasons why being with my ex wasn't the right relationship.

I also looked at myself and asked if I was being the person I WANTED to be. Being with someone does change who you are, and I realized there were things I changed that I missed. And just things about myself I wanted to improve on (regardless of my ex). And I realized I was not happy. As I tried to be more Me-focused (I know it sounds conceited and selfish), I felt like the pain got a little less each day.

But perhaps it was easier for me because my ex replaced me so quickly? I honestly felt if he can toss aside 12 years, why did I need to hold on to the shattered remains of a broken past as it cut into my heart alone? I keep visualizing dropping those pieces and walking away. I hope anything I said can help. If not know that I empathize and understand your pain. Hugs. Giving you encouragement.

HI Carla, there has been a lot of loving posts here, people care and there is a lot of support....so glad you posted. Break-ups are REALLY hard, even if it is better not to be together because of a healthy dynamic. Life as you knew it has changed dramatically and it takes a lot of time to adjust. You will get there, you will find your new normal. You also have wounds from it not working out a few times so there is a lot of stored up pain. Be gentle with yourself. It is good that you are spending time with the kids and loving each other. This will help you heal. Mornings can be so hard because you are rested and much more alert to your current reality. But do something positive in the morning, have a plan to distract yourself and work on it being a time that is for you....whether you call someone you love, do something special like take a short walk, dance to a favorite song, make a special cup of coffee or tea, pray, journal.....and know that it will get better. Each day that passes brings you closer to healing and restoration. Stay strong and know all will be well. You are in my thoughts.

Thanks everyone for the warm replies. The last two days have been pretty bad. I’m trying to deal with this like an addiction. I know the feelings I’m having are normal and that’s what I keep telling myself. I’m not dying, I’m just getting rid of all the old hurt and pain to make room for new happiness. I’m staying positive but I definitely have my crying spells. Today seems a bit better so far

Good news, Carla.....each day that passes will bring you closer to healing and restoration. Stay strong!

He left me last night after 17 years of marriage. Waking up without him today put me at a new level of despair and anxiety. We always had coffee and I can’t Bring myself to make a pot without him here. Please tell me this gets easier? How do we move on from such a traumatic event?

Mornings are hard especially in the beginning it gets easier as time goes on one day you will get up and go through your entires day and realize you haven’t even thought about him stay focused on yourself in the beginning that is really important and stay close to friends and family stay strong hugs