Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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More confused than ever

Mannatee
Mannatee

Need more advice lovely people. Some of you have already commented on my previous posts and it has helped knowing you are there. For those of you that haven't here is my life in a nutshell. Been married for 25+ years, found out husband had been having an affair. He said he loves me but loves the OW too. I said Im prepared to try and make the marriage work if he would so he finished it with her. Then this week he moves out as he's confused and needs space as resentment is building up inside him towards me. Two days after moving out he asks to meet me and talk. As soon as I saw him I knew he is still angry, there was no sadness or warmth. He asks me where do we go from here? He's not sure of a way forward, cant make any promises but will go to counselling with me. Im not sure his heart is in it. He's not moving back anytime soon so is he just going through the motions saying he'll go to counselling with me? We have an adult son who is living with me but sees his father and he says he is full of remorse. Im not seeing that side, all Im seeing is an angry man who is not reassuring me that he does love me enough to want to be with me. Maybe he wants out of the marriage but wants me to start the process. I still love him but surely if he really wanted to make it work, he would move back? Am I continuing to allow him to treat me like dirt? Should I even bother booking counselling for us? Am so tired of all this pain.

Mannatee
Mannatee
Really feel for you. Its good that your husband has said he'll go to counselling but he must be willing to cease contact with the OW. That is more than friendship and he knows it, he cannot have you both. It is a little fantasy he's playing out with no future, its not real, but you are. Hopefully the counsellor will make him see that he must give her up if he wants to keep you.
My husband has said he is willing to go to counselling with me, although cant make me any promises. He moved out a week ago. Although I originally said I would do my utmost to forgive his affair and repair the marriage, the longer he stays away the more resentment I feel and I am now not sure I actually want him back. I too have lost lots of weight and I still struggle to eat and sleep. My nerves are in pieces. I hate him for putting me through this. The thought of divorce really scares me too.
You sound like you are beginning to muster some strength though so hold onto hose positive thoughts, and I will try to do the same. Thinking of you
Mannatee
Mannatee
So he texted me this week asking if I had arranged counselling yet. I am having individual counselling but we are on a waiting list for joint counselling and I have been told it could be several weeks before we get an appointment. At the moment we have little to no contact with each other. He is coming to the house later to collect his bike so I will go out. As it was him that had the affair and moved out because he needed space, should I keep up with the no contact? I feel such anger towards him, but our son goes away tomorrow for a week so I will be completely on my own, and part of me wants him to ask to see me. Do I avoid seeing him until our first counselling session which could be weeks away?