You are never too old to love again. Don't let him take that from you.

One can be on their own and still find and give love...

If something were to happen to my husband, I'm sure I will never marry again. But that doesn't mean I can't have a very nice "gentleman friend."

"He asks me where do we go from here?"

Answer:

"I don't know where you are going but I am going to see a divorce lawyer. Have a great day."

WanderingVet, you just made me laugh for the first time in days, thank you!

Don't think that way! God will put someone in your life who will show you different. There is something better for you out there..i promise! We are all going to get through this one day at a time and at some point in the future we will look back and know that we are better off! I have been dealing with this for two months and every day something happens that shows me I didn't know my husband at all. It is very sad and I feel like he wasted too much of my time.

Hugs to you...contact me anytime!

Mannatee.. short and sweet. ...get out. Stop trying to help him. I made that mistake and it ended up being pointless anyway. He is who he is. You can't change him. He doesn't want to be changed. My husband played the same game. Wants out but didn't want to be the one to actually say it. He Did all the, I don't knows, we'll see, if only this, or that, all the while somehow making me feel bad and thinking I should be the one trying to fix things. Well that's just plain irrational thinking. If he wanted things to work, he would have put in the effort. And sorry Mannatee, you may end up waiting a long time for those wanted/needed comforting, compassionate words. I've had to admit to myself that he doesn't have it in him to give anymore. I wasted to much time on someone that didn't have the nerve to tell me straight, what he wanted. And you are never to old to love again. I have to believe that. 28years of marriage gone, at 54. This isn't the end. It can't be. I refuse to end up a cat lady. And so should you. :) You are a good person who deserves better. All my best to you.hugs

Oops didn't read all replies. Good for you on getting mad and getting your gumption back. Kick him to the curb. Way to go. But I also know how hard at the same time it was. I'm glad you have your son with you. (I have very little support in my corner at the moment) I meant what I said earlier about not being to old to live again. Maybe not marriage again, but love? She doesn't give up so easily. I'm counting on that. Life without love is not life. Not one I want anyway. I've been in the ''tude" of "if I don't want me, how can I expect anyone else to want me? First my body gets messed up by a fall, an accident and a surgery, then my brain got messed up from a benign tumor followed by brain surgery. Then my husband says he doesn't love or want me anymore. Ok, can you say walking disaster? I can feel bad about it all now, but I have to believe that God has a better plan for me. And for you too. We can do this. It will just suck for a bit. :)

Imlosingit, you have been through so much but you still have hope and want to help others. I applaud and admire you. You have such strength. If ever you want to talk please get in touch. Am thinking of you and sending you hugs.
I dont think I would mind being a cat lady though! Cats are very loving and can be good company!

I was reading your story and my thought is you will find ❤️ again he is not trying to have his cake and eat it too..! Which you are going to feel emotions/memories/luv
But he is doing it to you he obviously doesn't want to try to rebuild your marriage or he wouldn't have moved out . I think you will have good/bad days and when you finally are over him I guarantee he will want you back ..
it's not over for you it's that he broke your heart I am divorcing a Narcissist and it's an emotional mental exhausting roller coaster ride I want off .. your better then he is treating you ..! Maybe it's a midlife crisis who knows men are animals and unpredictable just know you found it once and you will find it again "❤️" He may end up being alone the way he is acting and I bet he won't find another you
Be strong around him and cry behind close doors don't let him see you waste a tear on him when he is being so ugly and selfish

I am in sorta same boat, only mine just recently moved in with the other woman and he doesn't contact our children at all so far. The only time I hear from him is when he wants money. He is or was providing me with his paycheck but considering I was left with the house and all the bills. All I get from him is hatred, asks like he shold get whatever money he wants and that's all he wants.

Ah well, whatever he tells your son is just to make himself feel better and make him look better to your son.

If I were you, I would just follow up on the counseling together. It could help or clear some unfinished business. It's never pleasant, so don't expect it to be in the beginning. It will definitely help you make some important decisions

Do not let his actions put limitations on you or your life. Be open that wonderful things can be in your future. Don't set a filter on your life for what good things you will allow. You are in my prayers.

Thank you for all your comments and prayers; so glad I found this site, but very sad that so many of us are going through such pain caused by the people we love and trusted. We are only communicating through the occasional text at the moment; he asked me earlier if I had organised counselling yet. I very nearly told him to do it but then said I would. We'll probably have to wait some time for an appointment so I dont envisage seeing him for a while. Am determined not to cry in front of him so need to avoid him for now.

My heart goes out to you. I see your predicament.sometimes human behavior becomes so raw and basic...and coldy cruel. Perhaps Written communication inthe form of notes or a shared special notebook cpuld bring effective communication? I understand the need to be free of the horrible pain and winder if it is even worth it as trust has been totally diminished. I send you blessings.

It really helps me to have found this thread, and I thank everyone for the honest sharing of their similar experiences (makes me feel less alone) and good advice. My situation is similar. My husband and I are still living in the same house but basically living a plutonic life. I wasn't happy for a long time with the cooling that's been happening, but thought, well, I need to be patient. We can work this out and we will--after 25 years together this is nothing we can't do. We are a team. We are best friends. And he's older so things don't all work the way they used to and I need to be patient (I'm 52, he's 68). Except he has a new BF and she is 20 year younger than me and he finally admitted that he loves her, that she's been there for him when I haven't. That he helped her with her marriage (because he's such a good guy like that) and she's been there for him, I guess a shoulder to cry on, someone to make him feel special. It's a texting thing, and I believe him when he says its not physical, but he's been getting support from her for months, at least, and emotionally turned me out. I also know he has and probably is continuing to meet with her in person, under the guise of plutonic friendship/working relationship that no one suspects is anything more. Except my daughter saw the flirty text messages to him and showed me. She tells him she loves him, tells him she is wearing the ring he gave her, tells him she can't wait to see him. He tells me she is happily married and her husband has even thanked him for helping her. This has sent me in a massive, self-destructive cycle of pain. We co parent, he says I'm a wonderful person, a "doctor mom" who is the best mother, blah, blah, blah. I do accept my blame for this, and my husband is not a bad person, but this just really, really hurts. I put us last for a long time, and just assumed the romance would be there to tap back into. I should not have done that and he told me at the time, many times, he thought we were coming dead last and to please come to bed earlier and not spend so much time reading stories and cuddling with our youngest daughter. I did that damage, I own it, and now, years later, I am living the consequences and it hurts. He said a switch flipped at some point and he stopped being able to respond to me sexually. I said I want to work on it, would do whatever it takes if he would just try--no expectations just an honest try (marriage counseling, sex therapy, trying to rekindle our romance by spending time doing fun things together, etc.). I asked him to stop talking to the OW so we could really try to rebuild trust and focus on each other. He said no, he would not give her up. This really hurts. I've never been a jealous person and I've never asked him to end a friendship before. He said it would be a betrayal to someone who was there for him and he wasn't going to let me back him into a corner and make him do anything he doesn't want to do. BUT . . . also says he still loves me. Maybe, but maybe in a "your the mother of my children and I don't want to hurt you" way. I started counseling on my own yesterday. He said he will go to marriage counseling too, which gives me some hope, but my counselor suggested we wait on that and that we have a few more sessions just with me before trying the couples thing. She also suggested that if he is willing to also go to his own individual counseling, it could be good for him too. I brought that up to him yesterday and he said he would make an appointment. For now, my counselor's advice is try to be his friend (which I have always been), but to put away the pain and anger and focus on giving him the time and space he needs because, we are not at the same place. I am actively grieving now, and apparently, he moved through that stage to a kind of acceptance of me as only "Dr. Mom" a long time ago. The counselor reminded me that just because something is really painful and I don't want it to be happening, doesn't make the consequence go away. We reap what we sew. However, if both people are really willing to do the work, change might be possible. If not, and he remains closed to me and not really interested in revitalizing our marriage, then what we might be looking at is continuing to coexist and keep a partnership going/household together until the youngest starts college in 2019. The though of splitting of a marriage, a home, a life together now or later, is almost too much to bear, I am going to focus on self care, stop starving myself (I've dropped over 10 lbs in about 3 weeks), stop crying and raging unproductively at him. I am going to try to be his friend and hold things together. Finish my dissertation and defend it this fall or early spring so I can get a job and be self supporting if I need to be and at least have my own rewarding interests and challenges outside the home. Mannatee, I don't think we are ever too old to love, or too old to heal. I am not prepared to spend the rest of my life feeling unworthy of love and be alone and lonely. Whatever happens, I want to see the future as filled with untapped possibilities and waiting pleasures to discover, not despair. I'm not trying to be naively optimistic, but I am not going to let this destroy me. I am going to own it and with him or without him, live on and do so with as much energy and interest in the world as possible.