Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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playerapr 10/14/2011

My and my stbx chat often - about the kids, work, the weather, miscellaneous stuff. I don't do anything for him but I do answer when he calls. Well today we are talking and he starts talking about this new woman that started working with them and that is looks like she is interested cause she is always saying things to him. Before we started dating we were best friends and we used to talk about his girls and my guys but our friendship/relationship is not the same now. Really??? How stupid can you be??!!!!! Like I want to hear it!!!!!!! I kept it together but it really hurt me to hear it. I told him "Cool - good for you". Then he said "It's not cool - should not been talking to you about this" Really? WTH?!!! I know he is going to move on, rebuilt his life but did he really thought I wanted to hear about it? Again how stupid can he be??!!!!!
I just needed to rant and vent!!!

deleted_user 10/14/2011

Yeah, that sounds disrespectful to me, and jsut like he needs to hear himself brag. Two things come to mind, that he wants to throw it in your face..... (hope to get a little revenge due to old resentment?, who knows?)

or... the opposite....

He wants to see if you care, and you would show interest again in him, rather than coming right out and saying that he is still interested in you.

Either way, a bit childish, and immature to me, and either not direct or way too much bragging, and trying to yank your chain!

Why not just come right out and ask him why he felt the need to share this with you, of all things??? And if you do ask h im, let us know what he responds? I'm a bit curious as to his motive, too!
lol

deleted_user 10/14/2011

I think that Blondegal is right on spot: he wanted to see if you still cared. Perhaps there is still interest on his end.

deleted_user 10/14/2011

Player, if you care about your heart, you had better keep this guy at arm's length and keep your conversations on a formal level. You are wide open with your present style.

Believe me, he is not thinking of your heart one bit. He is in a whole new world now.

deleted_user 10/14/2011

I think sometimes people really are just that freaking clueless! He is used to sharing things with you, and just didn't stop to think that those days are gone and that it was really inappropriate to talk to you about this. It sounds like he sort of clued in and realized that it was probably not making you feel good to hear him talk about another woman.

playerapr 10/14/2011

I was so hurt that I didnt even think - I was trying to keep it together like I didnt really care. He knows me as been really jealous and before I would've exploded. He apologized for "hurting" me and said he wouldn't talk to me about stuff like that anymore - never told him that it hurt and he didnt get the reaction that he would've gotten in the past - I just said that it wasnt my business anymore. Need to clarify what kind of information is ok to share!!

MTZ3 10/14/2011

I am so sorry, I agree, how can be so stupid sometimes. It's like really 1.) why do you think I am your buddy and want to hear about your potential love life. 2. ) how is it possible you are able to move on so quickly, really?

My ex, shortly after he broke up with his girlfriend (that he hooked up with a couple weeks after our divorce), asked me to proof his match.com profile. We had only been divorced for 4 months. I was like WTH? Really? Jerk (the nicest word I can come up with him based on how I was thinking about him at that time).

MTZ3 10/14/2011

Of course you were hurting, as he should be too. Instead, he is acting like a jack-um-whatchamacallit. Seriously...

deleted_user 10/14/2011

Player, my ex does this to me too. I do NOT talk to him about my love life at all, but he deems it necessary to talk about the women he finds attractive or is considering dating. I think it's because he doesn't have anyone else to talk to about this. He does have male friends, but I don't know why he saves that stuff for me.

playerapr 10/14/2011

He still sees me as his friend that he can talk to about anything including women but I'm not that friend anymore. He has friends but I think he still feels comfortable with the familiarity. Well I dont want to hear it and he "should" know better.

aditi1974 10/15/2011

I too feel he is bragging--esp., knowing you used to get jealous earlier. Either he is trying to still hurt you ( which is natural for you to get ) or trying to see if you are still 'available' for him ( which would mean he wants to be feel secure incase he doesnt get this new girl, in which case he'd call you again to 'share' ): wouldnt get into the vicious circle esp., when you are making progress with yourself.

deleted_user 10/15/2011

Vent away my friend.

deleted_user 10/15/2011

I see it more as a manipulation than a stupid stunt. He is trying to maintain control over you and he knows what emotional buttons to push with you.

Stop talking to him!

I read on another post that where the children are concerned, keep the conversation to text and email. No face to face or on the phone contact.

startingover2011 10/15/2011

I agree with everyone's replies. It sounds like he wanted to see what your reaction was and not caring about your heart at all. I agree most with Faithful...that you should keep your conversations to a strictly formal level. Once their has been a relationship/marriage, usually it's pretty hard to remain friends. Good to those who can, but that's ususally not the case. Protect your heart, set bounderies, and keep him at arm's length. You have a new life now. Keep him in your past.

KRKing911 10/15/2011

What a dick. You should have just said I can't hear you la la la la la la ....

and hung up the phone.

deleted_user 10/15/2011

It was very inconsiderate of him. This is not the kind of stuff you talk to your ex about, save it for your friends. Selfish people do that and yes I believe he wanted a reaction out of you. Good for you by remaining calm. HUGS

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