I think it is imperative that you figure out what led you to cheating on your husband. Once you determine why you cheated and take responsibility for your actions, you should be able to quit blaming your husband for your actions.

Until you do that, you will continue to be angry and depressed.

Keep working with your pastor and possibly find a counselor as well and work really hard to find why you cheated not once but three times. Please do not hold anger towards your husband for your actions. He may not be treating you up to your expectations or there could be other reasons, but we turn towards our spouses to grow the relationship instead of seeking affirmation from an affair with others. Your husband might not be meeting your emotional needs but you can be taught how to express your needs instead of hoping they just get met and getting frustrated when they do not. And do you really want attention from men that go after another mans wife? Where are their morals.

Are you feeling guilty? Or perhaps having a hard time accepting your part? No matter the case, just be honest and turn down the volume. Maybe this life isn't the one for you. But if you want to make it work, you'll have to try a lot harder to keep it together.

I admit to what i have done but he left me and my son the streets and yes he did have a reason the reason I cheated because he didn't want to have sex with me and he still doesn't want to have sex with me

I am really attempting to be sympathetic to your cause, but I just can't.

You cheated on your husband (regardless of the reason) and blame him for your actions and harbor anger toward him. Your feelings of anger and blame are yours to resolve. The lack of sexual intimacy between you and your husband are on both of you to resolve, but I doubt that will happen while you still blame him.

You have been married less than 2 years, separated for 25% of that time. Marriages that are this rocky this early in the game are usually doomed. I know, I separated from my husband within the first 18 months of my marriage. I should have read the writings on the wall, we divorced 10 years later.

Unless you have compelling reasons to reconcile, at this point, I think permanent separation may be a viable option.

So u think permanent separation is the best thing to do

It is not my decision to make.

However, based on the info you have provided, the marriage is definitely in trouble.

Lots of women are frustrated by a lack of sexual intimacy with their husbands; most of them are able to work to resolve the issue without cheating. I'm curious - did you cheat with one man three times or did you cheat with three different men?

I hear nothing of love in your posts, just anger and blame. As I stated before, until you address these negative emotions and actions, a harmonious marriage is a long shot.

In my opinion, a good marriage should not be a struggle. When the right two people meet and get together and unite for the right reasons, the relationship just kinda works out on its own. Because it is "meant to be" and is "right".

Trying to make a relationship with the wrong person "work", especially if it isn't grounded in love, honesty, respect and communication, is just one continuous fight and struggle.

I also know this from personal experience. After my divorce, I met and married a man whose was divorced TWICE before. Doesn't sound like a good prospect for marriage, right?

But we are "right" for each other and will soon celebrate our 17th anniversary. None of our previous marriages (3 between the 2 of us) lasted much past the 10 year mark.

I would definitely suggest counseling (not just spiritual counseling with your pastor, but counseling with a professional couples or individual counselor) to help you resolve your unhealthy issues. You can not have a healthy relationship if one or both parties are struggling with unhealthy issues or behaviors.