Wow! don't feel like a idiot you followed your heart. Two types of people those with a heart and those without, those without are unable to understand.

Bashednks,
Don't beat yourself up for wanting to make it work for your family. So, if you don't mind me asking, are you still with her now? Or did you two separate again? Also, this isn't to sound mean but women want what they can't have, so if she found out you were out there dating other women, it makes sense why she would want to try again. She doesn't want you to meet other women even though she claims she doesn't love you. That isn't fair to you. It takes two to tango, so it is not all your fault, which I hope you know, even if you did/do work too much. Have you thought about couples counseling? It sounds as if she struggles with being satisfied, which is something she has to work on. However, I do not know her or you well enough, it is just a passing comment based on the information provided. If you feel used, then you should find a way to get out. You will still take care of your family, but staying in a relationship that makes you feel used and emotionally drains you is not worth it. You deserve more. In fact, it sounds like both of you are not happy and you both don't have to live like that. Keep reaching out in this group, it can be cathartic and less intimidating than talking about feelings to people you know (at least I think so). I hope everything works out for you!

She's still here, but says she's leaving. It's all playing out like last time. I tried to hold on, fix things last time. Didn't work.... we work different shifts, so don't see each other much... Save obviously childcare.. Also... when she came back... plus 1... my youngest son... MY son... read between the lines on that one... sooooo... larger family, must work harder... same crap... She works, but not as much, and makes way less. But that was ok.. I work 55 hours a week on average.. got mouths to feed... help with the housework... I don't get it... She has had several long periods of unemployment, I wasn't trash then... But I'm now...

Sorry you're in such a difficult situation. It's tough when your wife is saying she's still going to leave. Hard when one partner has one foot out the door. And only came back because her affair guy didn't work out. I think it's time to have a sit down, serious talk, just the two of you, maybe after the kids go to bed. Tell her - "we made a commitment, we are in this together, and we both need to be serious and committed to making our family and marriage work." See what she has to say, what her concerns or needs are. And, go from there. Keep us posted and good luck.