That is expected event, after separation and divorce. And one big thing is, you have expect friends taking sides as well, but don't blame friends, this is the nature of the divorce.

I had to accept that, which is hard thing, but it is reality. On the other side I became close to others, why left me when I married to him. So there is enough gain, plus I make new friends now. Being freinds to married couple is hard, wives are uncomfortable having a single woman as part of the group.

So go and join some single meetups and you will feel wanted and cared by these total stangers.

Welcome to DS.

I lost a lot of friends after my divorce. I was reaching out to them, they promised we'd get together, then they just never got back to me. I finally realized it's their loss.

My true friends came through for me, and along the way, I picked up new friends looking at the same problem wanting to know how I dealt with the problem.

The funny thing with this, I have become close with co-workers of my ex (and who I worked with 14 yys ago) supporting me. It's a family business, so I don't mention who they are, but they mention my ex is not well liked. And, I've heard the stories ex told everyone.

I guess, what you learn from divorce is who really are your friends. They weren't really friends, just acqaintences. Take care!

Yup.....in the same boat! Married couple friends were all the first to go. Guess they don't want a third wheel around. His family all went about the same time. His friends, even though saying that he was out of his mind, went too.

The positive is -- why be around people that just remind you of him? Just gonna keep you in the past. Even though it hurts, it's best that the cord be cut.

Firstly, have you tried making contact with them at all? Or were you hoping and waiting for them to contact you?

I think some people don't know how to react to this if they have never experienced it themselves. They don't know how to behave, and they feel inadequate in some way so they just avoid contact. Then as previous people have mentioned, some people just for some reason feel they have to pick sides, and so sadly you may lose them as friends. It is just the nature of the beast.
It was interesting for me. I live very far away from my home country, and so when I went back for a visit in January, just 6 months after my ex and I had separated. While there I made plans to visit some friends- the husband had been my ex's Best Man at our wedding 28yrs before, and he is my ex's best friend.
I was impressed with him, because he said to me openly that he felt awkward about me visiting them, because he almost felt like he was being a traitor, and I explained to him that I did understand that, but I felt it would have been very rude of me not to see them. He had been such a part of my life for so many years, and I had also developed a real friendship with him too. I understand that he is my ex's friend, but I wanted to acknowledge how much he meant to me too. I think we both appreciated the openness of that discussion.
I think we have to expect that there will be changes, because some people feel threatened by the change in our circumstance, and just don't know how to deal with it.

for the newly single, it is important to switch gears - FAST

married people are going to treat you like an alien now so you have to look at them as aliens too. two totally different worlds.

since you live in Houston, find some light social groups but stay very far away from divorce groups! divorce groups are full of losers and crappy people who are only out for your money or your body. or, to bag you to marry them and take on their problems.

it's a jungle out there. lol

ouch

does the same go for online divorce groups?

Getting divorced changes the whole friend dynamic. You will never be seen the same in your friend's eyes. It sucks, but its common collateral damage caused by a breakup.

@Joy: No, it does not apply to us online here because nearly all of us are using good sense. Unless of course, if we try to do the online relationship thing and long distance fling thing. If we wanted to, we could do the whole nine yards: romantic and lusty emails every day, erotic webcam and phone sex, pining about rendevouing in Topeka - you name it, we could do it if we wished to.

I once had a very attractive woman out West who wanted to meet me half way. It was tempting but then I thought, "What happens if we click?" Which one of us would uproot ourselves and relocate?"

So, essentially, a DS forum like ours is kind of like an old fashioned bunting board. It provides a barrier so that we do not absolutely go off the deep end with our passions. lol

hmm...then what's all this talk all the time about how it's a dating site?

and how come people with sense join online divorce groups, but people who join eye-to-eye divorce groups are crappy losers?

and where the heck do we fit the online members who are also part of real life divorce groups?

OMG...I need to get more labels from STAPLES....brb

:P

@Joy: You sure ask a lot of questions! Wanna try to answer them too?

you start, while I get those extra sticky labels.

(she sure has a thing for office supplies ...)

@Joy: you know, a man would do well to take you to Office Depot on a first date. I think that you would be in Seventh Heaven. ;)

Faithful,

there seems to be something in the air lately.

I know I don't feel the same, especially after last night in parking...you don't sound like your usual spiritual self lately.

Are you feelin feisty too? mischievous? spring fever maybe?

@Joy: Yes, I think that many of us have Spring fever and the itch to try to get out and back in the action. At least, to put our feet into the water at the shallow end.

Spiritual and philosophical is good for sure, but, we have other sides too that need expression.

How to begin is the question of the hour. I guess that, one way or another, we will put ourselves out there.

Cwalla, I distanced myself from my friends, and went into hiding. When I decided to get together with our mutual friends, I found out they were MY friends. It was really hard to hear, "I'm glad you left him, he was such a prik" or "I saw him the other day, flirting with so and so" or "I hope you made that SOB pay or took him to the cleaners"...etc.

So, I've dropped contact again, for now. It's to painful for me to talk about and hear the negative feedback. And they were neighbors, so I have to go back into my old neighborhood to visit.

I will get into a better frame of mind, and will be able to drink 'ritas with them again, without talking about HIM.

Give it some time, and then try reconnecting with old friends, and see how it goes.
HUGS!