I can't even begin to tell you all how much it means to me to have your support in this situation. One of the many reasons why I choose to stay in the apartment with him is because I am an independant lead generator/appointment setter who telecommutes from home. I have inconvenieced myself over and over for him and absolutely will not do it again.

I have a funny story for you. At least I hope you will find it funny. Two weeks ago today, I told my husband to get out. He refused as he has no money and no where to go. I threatened to call the cops and tell them he was threating me. Of course I didn't but riight after I made the threat, I absolutely exploded and every thing I had been holding in for the past twenty one years came out. After I let him have it he went outside to sit in the car as he has been doing any way. Well, he called the cops on me lol. Mind you, I'm 5'1 and am very slender. To cut the story short. the cop was relieved it wasn't a domestic violence call and left. I asked my husband what he thought he was going to achieve in calling the police and he said he just wanted it on record that I had threatened him. What a wimp!

Believe me when I tell you I am focused on me and I will survive through this as many as you have as well. Please keep talking to me and feel free to add me as a friend if you want to.

Hi, I am just starting the process of a divorce, actually it is my husband who wants it. WE have a 12 year old son and I am on SSDI. I checked my area for section 8 and public housing and all are closed, not taking applications due to extremely high waiting lists and not enough funding. I am having such a hard time being in the same place as him but I don't know what else to do or where to go. Some people have friends or family they can move in with but I don't have anyone local. I need to stay in this town because of my son. I will not leave him. He is in the autism spectrum and has many changes he is going through this year and now a divorce too. I will NOT pull him out of his school and move him somewhere else. I have severe Crohns Disease and can sometimes be hospitalized so I do need my stbx around, also his parents, for support for my son. I can't live somewhere with my son where we are all alone with no family support. I hate living in the same house with my stbx but I don't know what else to do. Our divorce is in the beginning stages, don't even know what is going to happen with the holidays coming up. We have been living like we are divorced for over 2 years, like each of us having time with our son at family functions without the other. I would love some input from others about this living situation. I find that I just don't want to be here, weekends REALLY suck when my stbx is around all the time. During the week isn't that bad during the day because I am home all day due to me not working. I have a significant other about 85 miles from me but my lawyer says I can't be gone for more than 1 night at a time due to the fact I am going for full custody and it would not look good for me. I have a good friend about 15 minutes from me and my lawyer says that I can't even go and see her for more than 1 night at a time. He tells me to be patient, it will all be over soon then I can do anything I want. Well, it seems like forever, especially being stuck in this situation. HELP!

I forgot to say that for a long time I was sleeping on the couch. I just kicked him out of the master bedroom a few days ago! He is now in the spare bedroom sleeping on the least comfortable bed. This is a BIG step for me! In almost 20 years of marriage he has NEVER slept on the couch or the spare bed, it was always me when we would get in a fight. I have to admit that since I have done this things have really changed around here. It seems more final and he is barely talking to me. No hellos or goodbyes at night or in the morning, nothing. We go to court again on Thursday, just one step at a time I guess.

I don't usually post on this site, but I can comment on living with a spouse while pursuing divorce. My former husband and I lived in the same house for about three months before he moved out in order to have an orderly exit.

I wanted the divorce; he did not. What worked for me was this. I had made up my mind that the marriage was over, and I had counseling and 12-step programs before, during and after the entire relationship. I treated him as though he were a tenant, and only that. I did not engage in conversations about the divorce (I talked about it only with my lawyer); I interrupted all of our routines, consciously and deliberately, so we did not have dinner or meals together, we did not socialize, we did not ride in the same car, we did not watch TV together; we did not do anything together. When we were in the same house, which I ensured did not happen often, we were polite, but distant. Most of that, was because I did not want to send a message to myself or to him that our relationship was still intact for any reason. He was not particularly cooperative, but I insisted on those boundaries for myself. If he tried to talk about our relationship or the divorce, I politely said, that conversation is off-limits and left the room. It worked. He moved out, the divorce occurred, and I have no regrets for having left or how I left. The key is knowing inside what I wanted for me, regardless of whether or not it was something he wanted.

Funny, I dreamed last night that the ex moved back in to my business (which is where I live, lol). It was really really disturbing, I was trying to figure out how to get rid of him again, more of a nightmare. I, myself, cannot imagine how you could finish the recovery work and healing needed, not while living together. I know it must be a tough financial situation, tho, or you wouldn't be doing it that way.

Thank you Grace for confriming the mind set I am using. I do my best to detach from him and keep focusing on my path no matter what he pulls on me. I'm so sorry for what you are going through WendyLou. You didn't mention if you are seeking counseling to help you through the emotional rollercoster you are on. If you are not in counseling please get it. You know stress is the worst thing for your condition and surely dosen't help your son. Can you keep the apartment? I think your husband should be the one to move out. Yes, at this point all you can do is take it one step at a time. Stay strong and keep talking to us here. There are many wonderful people who are happy to offer you support and advice.

Yes Anne it is a misrable financial situation. I'd have been long gone otherwise. Thanks for sharing your dream. Gave me a chuckle.

I was beginning to think I was the only one that was still living with their husbands ! We have lived in seperate rooms for 10 years. Our marriage was over a very long time ago but I was determined to "make it work" !!! Long story short=I am now on th epath I should have been following long long ago. I did move out for 9 months to live with a man that had convienced me he would treat me the wonderful way I deserved to be treated=ya right= I left when I discovered he had a horrible gambeling habit he wasn't willing to give up to hold on to me!I stayed with my son and his wife for about 6 weeks and then I movedback in with my husband. We have taken up where we left off except this time I am taking control of my own life and when I am finally in the financel place I need to be I will be leaving to have the life and peace & happiness I know I deserve. I'd love to exchange messages with you.=Wanda=