What's your time frame? We didn't separate until after the divorce was finalized. His choice, sure as hell not mine! We planned to wait till it was final and then I had an issue w/an offer on a house falling through.. But we were separated in the house for almost a year before. And we would tag team being home in the evenings. He always got home from work 3-4 hours later than me, so I would go to the office after the kids were in bed. UGH, no fun. There are certainly others here who have gone through that.

I am in your position right now. The problem for me is I didn't want the divorce. So seeing him everyday makes it that much harder (it's only been 2 days) and I don't think I'm really going to get closure while we are living together. And because he is immature he won't let me keep the apartment, he expects me and my three kids to move ASAP and won't help financially. So good luck to you, I wish you the best.

Lauren, I am sorry you have to live with him like this. I also had to live with my ex and it was so difficult for me for many reasons. All I can suggest is to do your best to stay away from him and as you said keep yourself busy. I found myself making late night trips to McDonalds just to get away from him. I hope you do not have to resort to this. Good luck to you my dear and be strong and defend yourself. You are in the greatest support group that you could find. There are many good people here and are great listeners.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. My ex and I have not lived together for over a year now and we are just separated by a signed document we prepared in counseling session.

We tried to live together and couldn't. I had previous issues due to a rape attack and my spouse did not understand my need to be left alone.....(no sex)

We are still living apart and the kids are ok. But it was hard to leave. I feel like I abandoned the kids even though I see them everyday and in charge of their weekly day as usual

(((lauren9)))

You know you can talk to me....

Lived with my ex for 6 months - he's had the OW in the house during the day or when I was at work.....she even rearranged my cabinets when I was at work one day.

Needless to say it was pure hell........I feel for anyone in that situation and please know the day you do move and it happens will be one of the most refreshed days of your life.

I suggest as you to keep busy, stay out of your house as best you can. Good Luck!

We probably won't be able to file until the summer. We're living on my income. He's trying to get on disablity. He has colitis and Major Depressive Disorder. Personally, I think he's Bipolar. He's the one who wants the divorce. Pulled this on me five years ago when we were living in Florida. I worked very hard to save the marriage back then but I'm not doing it again. We are currently living in Utah. My plan is to move back to California where I am originally from once the divorce papers are filed. I cannot depend on him for squat if you know what I mean. I thank you all for your support and please know I am here for you as well.

In many states, living together in the same house does not constitute being separated, which is necessary for divorce. In my state, you have to have been separated for a year before you can be granted a divorce.

Someone needs to make the decision to move out - it has to be done eventually.

Thanks Dreadpirate. I know the State of Utah dosen't have the same law as your state thank God. Believe me, as soon as I can, I'm out of here. I don't want to live with him any longer than I have to. It sucks!!

I lived with mine 8 months and it was hell on earth, very hard not to blur the boundaries. It was like my life was paused. I was so messed up and raw and really needed to focus on me but couldn't because nothing had really changed.

If there is anyone you can go live with, any way to borrow the money, I highly recommend it.

Lauren,

My ex and I were going to do this. However, she left as quickly as she could and, looking back, I am glad that she did. She showed herself as the cold, cruel, heartless, selfish and self-serving person she really is (all the while accusing me of the same, of course, so that she does not have to accept any responsibility for her actions or inactions during the marriage. I needed that slap upside the head.

Now, please, be open to the idea that this may not work and may actually be detrimental to YOUR health and well-being. If you even get a hint of this, boot him out of the apartment immediately as it is already hurting you and you are not quite ready to ascertain how and all that other rationalization one goes through! You, with the children, take precedence when it comes to housing. He can look elsewhere and, of course, you need not feel guilty about this at all. He wants it; he gets it. (If you get my metaphysical drift here)

Good luck . . . Take care. Oh, where did you grow up in California? I was born, raised and live in Sacramento (close to places that people around the world would die to see - San Francisco, Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, the Shasta region, and the various old mining towns all over the Sierra Foothills). I love it here because, if I want to leave the heat (only 2 horrible weeks of the year), I can go to the Bay Area, and other climes . . .

We lived in the same house for almost 6 months while the process was going on....she lived in one end of the house and me in the other. the only common area was the kitchen...and laundry. Very difficult to do..... good luck in the end I had to move out even though I couldn't afford it...

Lauren- been there and done this. I finally left with no job, no money. He was in the home that I bought. This is not about me. I guess it sounds like you are willing to live like this. Not good. In order to move forward, one or the other of you need to leave. Find the financial support that you need to do so. Decide what is best for you. Good luck. I know it is hard.

Lauren,
I am in your position as well. We are surviving on my income because he is disable but not getting disability. He can't drive and I can't afford daycare so he is the "stay-at-home dad" Keep very close to your money. Make sure he isn't spending anything. If he needs something than he needs to come to you and you will get it for him.

Even though the divorce is technically my "idea" it is only because I could no longer take his actions. I gave him very clear parameters and consequences should he continue the behaviour. He continued, I asked for a separation, then he hurt his back. He just had major back surgery and will not be able to drive/lift/work until after X-mas.

How I am I survive through this -- stay busy. We have two small children (6 and 2). While they are awake I make my evening about them. Once they go to sleep I clean until I pass out. Probably not the healthiest thing but it is what it is.

I am sorry you are going through this also.

(((((Hugs)))))

I agree w/hurry up, it was hell. We only did it for 2 months, but while you are still under the same roof, you just can't begin the healing process. I didn't even realize how stressful it was until he finally left. It was a relief from the first day alone. If there is anyway or anywhere, get out and focus on you. Hugs!