I wrote him a letter, he never replied it meant nothing to him at the time.

Fast forward to the point where we ended our attempt at reconciling he referred to the letter I wrote as manipulation, that everything I do was geared at manipulating him.

Write and send the letter if you want to, but just be prepared to be hurt by the response.

What's the point you want to get across?

He already knows you're hurt. It didn't change anything.

I think what you Really want is for him to feel sorry for the hurt he's caused you. And only time will do that...

@MARK....OMG! My ex...did start out being my boss......SO FUNNY!

Hoo Boy, I can help you there.

Yeah, I sent one recently. It did not only not make me feel better (to send it), but it started a nice little email battle that made us both feel much worse. We both got nasty and heated. I don't know if it did me any good to get the feelings out or not (I think it did), but letting her know and fighting with her was definitely not helpful.

The really frustrating thing for me, personally? I knew sending that note wasn't the right thing to do, and I did it anyway.

Do what the folks here suggest. Write it all out in your journal. Fighting with the STBX will only help in ripping open the emotional wounds that are starting to heal.

LL, why do you need a response?

I've written several letters to my ex but, there isn't any real answers that would make the reality any different. I journaled them. I waited a while then, I read them and was so glad that I did not send them. Those words came from a wounded person. I am grateful now that he did not cave and stayed after all my 'stupid human tricks' to keep the sham of a marriage together.

No response would have made the difference...

closure?

Soon, I don't know...just validation or an acknowledgement...honestly, I wish I could answer that. Maybe just an answer to why he is still living in the house when he clearly wants to be with her. That I don't get or understand. It's like a fucking scab that heals then gets picked over with him. It just oozes, if that makes any sense.

I wrote several letters.... they used the letters F-U-C-K-Y-O-U-B-I-T-C-H.

Do you think that I used enough letters?

LL, yes, I can understand your desire to have him acknowledge that he is the cause of your pain and the demise of your marriage, however, the odds of you getting that in the near future are slim to none, because he is a selfish prick.

What has been the result of you filing? How is that progressing? Is the house going on the market? What have your lawyers said?

Just focus on the legal stuff, and get it out of the way.

divorce will be over in about 2 or 3 weeks. I try to talk to him about what to do with assets and children...I get no response. My thing is let the lawyers do it. Expensive, yes. I just have NOTHING left in me anymore to care.

Write your letter - tear the paper into 4 strips. Use one strip to roll into a torso, one strip to roll into arms, one strip to roll into legs, and finally, wad the last strip into a crude head shape. Attach the pieces with tape to make a little effigy - get a glass of wine, some nice music - and burn the effigy, letting go of all your anger, resentment, and regrets.

I've drafted in total 5 letters...at various times. I actually wrote one today. I haven't read through the other 4...but bc it was at various points I'm pretty sure they weren't too nice :) They all sit in my draft emails. My last one today was more of a...promise. A promise to love her forever as the mother of my girls. A promise to do my very best for my girls. I'm working on the forgivness....I was asked a tough question by my therapist..."Do you think she is even looking for my forgiveness". Never even thought of that....now that I have a little....I'm thinking no. But that is fine...it's not for her as it is for me. I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of sending the closure email to her....at the least I will come to peace for her in my heart and that is for me not her. So...my advice draft the email....don't send it...be sure to not send it though....I've probably written a few and hit send...which unfortunately lead to back and forth heated email exchanges that did more harm than good.

In the beginning, I wrote my ex wife several letters - all it served to do ws prolong my agony as the responses I got were nothing short of hostile.

Journaling took its place, and the closure I got from doing so I would have never gotten from my ex wife.

(((Llmt)))

Go to the fridge...get out a bottle of ketchup...squeeze the words, "fuck you" on the wall. It will make you feel better.