agreed.. what a mess.. and I'm sorry your walking through it.. a job description does not make you a decent person. I guess ultimately you could be grateful it took less then a year for you to come to grips about it.. a hard lesson to learn.. and your in good company here.. I dont share your story.. but divorce is never pretty, however you get here.. best of luck finding a much happier less stressful life with your boys, you absolutely deserve that

Being a doctor is not a criteria to stay in a marriage/relationship. They are no exempted from human problems/issues and mental illness. Focus on you and your children.

Im so sorry. I just posed my story of what happened to me. I feel that the guy I was just with is heading down your path. He just married the mother of his kids because he felt like his family should be together. He spent a year with me and she told him the kids or her so he left me and was just cheating on her for the four months before the wedding. He literally never goes home and spends all weekend drinking... I tried to tell him marrying her was not the answer but it seems my words did not matter. I truly hope things get better for you. You can't make yourself love someone no matter how good everyone thinks they are for you.

I've decided to let her and her family portray me as the sole responsible party of the failure in this relationship. Just want to get my kids and myself to a happier place. They've even convinced themselves that only a severely mentally ill person could make the decisions that I have. Who in their right mind would abandon this family?! It didn't take long to discover that I had made a mistake. Ugh...

Just keep in mind that there's light at the end of the tunnel even if you cant see it yet. Things always get better it just takes time. Keep your family close and know that they care about you and your happiness

Thanks all. It's ugly and getting uglier. She's been sending me articles, links about mental illness, etc. Trying to make me seem like I've lost my marbles for doing this. The reality is she has a past (she couldn't keep in the past) and baggage that makes it difficult to be with her. I don't even want to go into the details. The more I think about them the more I get resentful. Pissed.

I am satisfied being the bad guy. As long as I get out and away...

I say let them all hate you if thats what you need to get out and be happy. No one else can make you happy but yourself

Thanks. I know. Only I can make me happy. I have been telling her for months that I need to get myself healthy again and the only way was/is to get away from her and the family situation that I have found to be life-sucking.

Yup. I have to move on.

It sounds like she is mentally abusing you. Don't fall for that.

Aries1958. She has been for some time trying to convince me that I am mentally ill to the point of suggesting that I am a danger to my own biological children. She has been DESPERATE to keep our relationship going and continuing with this fantasy of a happy family that has never been. I have, on many occasions, made it clear that she is better off with someone who can give her what she needs/wants. That I am not currently capable of giving her what she wants. I have stopped explaining to her why I have changed as she continues to insist that I have feelings for her that I truly do not. Apparently, she knows how I really feel better than I do. She insists that she has been the ideal mother, wife.....ugh.

Ironically, for all her certainty that I will not make and have made the wrong decision to leave her and her kids for me and my own, she is the one TERRIFIED about the prospect of raising her own children by herself. She adopted two children w/o seriously considering the responsibilities of what it means to be a parent. Worse, she adopted two innocent children and brought them into a past physically and verbally abusive relationship. When she, after our marriage, decided to continue having a "friendly" relationship with this man who strangled and dragged her across the floor years prior to adopting her children, I lost all confidence and respect. It was the end before it began....so pissed.

Sending you positive vibes. Good luck...

Thank you.

Hey man, sorry to hear about what you're going through.

My stbx is a doctor also. I have been with her for over 19 years. I have met many doctors along the way. While the average doctor might be smarter than the average layperson, they are NOT special in other ways IMO. I've met some real dipshit people who are doctors.

My stbx has, or is, going through some insane midlife crisis and is regressing to almost teenage behavior. Obsessed with texting, facebook, trying to doll herself up, flirting with every guy in sight (and f$%king whoever is game). It is bizarre and batshit crazy stuff. We have a daughter. I am trying to focus on her while doing my best to cope.

I know your situation sucks, but getting out after 1 year is so much better than investing so much more time into it. Forget the doctor thing. Sometimes the people on the "extremes" in life are the most effed-up. By that I mean extreme professions, passions, etc. I went to an ivy league college. That were a LOT of messed up people there. Maybe I'm one of them. I certainly have things I need to work on.

Focus on your kids and healing yourself. Break away from her as much as you can. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are doing the right things. Worst year of my life too. I know how it feels.

Hang in there.

IMHO, there's nothing wrong with you loving your children more than her, especially for your children's sake.

You said,
"I ignored my own advice and married a woman that does not make me happy."

No one is responsible for your happiness except for you. When we depend on another person(s) for our happiness, three things happen. 1. we put an inordinate amount of pressure on the other person. 2. both will end up unhappy and 3. the relationship becomes totally dysfunctional.

I second steppingovertheedge's advice to focus on your kids and healing yourself.

~healing hugs~

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