Walk away from life?

I think if a couple are not "like minded" the harder it is to make it work. If one person thinks stealing is ok and the other feels it is morally wrong then there will be trouble. The thief will either hide his/her stealing or feel like the other spouse is judging them all the time. Eventually it errodes the foundation of the relationship. I'm using stealing as an example....can easily replace it with emotional affairs or something else.

Walk away from the things that cannot be undone. In this case...marriage.

True story: I asked my stbx why she never talked about the things that bothered her, why she didn't try.. and her words were "I should not have to try, marriage shouldn't have to be work, it should just work by itself."

yeah so apparently it should just drop into your lap, marriage shouldnt be work, just like that dreamjob that they come to your house for to offer you.

Well Sanctuary (reply #20), I wish my EX would of been open to finding out what my needs or feelings were. He didn't want to know and when I voiced them in counseling he told me he only wanted to do those things when he "felt" like it. My suggestions = control. But, I was to do a laundry list of things to make him feel appreciated, like bring coffee in bed, come kiss him goodbye in the mornings. I gave up

exactly my point though, Im not even talking about such things, Im talking that it was too much effort to communicate.

There's that important word again

Communication

It's key

Ok, well...can I buy you a whopper then?

Uhm... sure?

i love reply #15

real communication. honest communication. not what you want/need to hear. not what she/he wants/needs to hear. feelings might be hurt, hopefully feelings can be mended. if there's true unconditional love it will work.


i think, i'm not that bright to begin with.

where do I sign up for post #17?

I agree, #15 is a good one

I don't know mark, sounds like an interesting proposition
But hey, I got a free whopper!

Sometimes when you marry for the wrong reasons, the marriage is really doomed from the get go.

My marriage was good and strong for a long time. It was teamwork, play and lots of love until his expectations of life and me changed. As i put it on DS a long time ago somehow I did not get the memo.

You've all hit the nail on the head. The biggest piece of a successful marriage - or any relationship for that matter - is communication. But why is it so hard to communicate? What makes us shut down and shut up with the one person with whom we should be the most open? I think I can pinpoint it in my relationship but mine is a very different experience from others.

I am, however, watching it in action with my son and his girlfriend. Though they aren't engaged yet it seems that they will be. She is the ONE. But he is already obfuscating and keeping things from her because he doesn't want her to see him as "less of a man." It's little things now but will it grow into bigger things later? I want them to do pre-marital counseling -- mainly because of what I've been through admittedly -- and they just say they don't need it. They're fine. In love and peachy keen. But not from my catbird seat.