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Lack of marriage effort

Rman
Rman
Most of the time, people get married because they are truly in love with one another. But so many marriages ultimately end in divorce. Do you think part of the reason is because people give up trying to make the marriage work? Shouldn't more effort be placed in trying to keep the marriage alive, before it gets to the point of no return? Why do people take their marriage for granted? Why don't they realize what they have, while it is still good? I can honestly say that I could have done more to make the marriage better. I guess I just became too lazy to care anymore. I never realized what I actually had when times were good...
deleted_user
deleted_user
not enough communication = fucked
MsBlank1
MsBlank1
Even tho my marriage was bad from the start, I hung in there 24 years (way too long)....it obviously meant nothing to my EX not even with counseling. I'm only speaking for myself. I don't understand how come communication has to be so hard.
deleted_user
deleted_user
And in all seriousness, what you've written, Rman, is probably the biggest lesson I've pulled from this experience.

I don't believe I could have controlled her actions (she has to live with what she did), but I'm pretty sure I'd have fewer personal regrets if I had prioritized things in my life better. I failed there and took things for granted.
mavsgirl
mavsgirl
Hmm... I tried really hard to make my marriage work. I realize people change and I need to change with them or accept the change at least. The kickers in my marriage were the conversations he was having with other women, and 2 pieces of information he withheld/lied about before we were married. If I had received EITHER of those pieces of information before we were married, I would have ended the relationship right then and there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Both people in the marriage have to really want the marriage and put in effort to keeping it healthy and working. One of two things the couples counselor said to me that made sense was that i couldn't do it alone or make him want it. One person can never be enough to save a marriage.
Rman
Rman
I think perhaps it's just too much effort for people to handle. It's almost like work...
deleted_user
deleted_user
LOL, it's exactly like work... :)
Rman
Rman
Perhaps people don't realize this when going into the marriage. Perhaps they are too blinded by the bliss of love?
LKess
LKess
communication is HUGE.
mutual respect is HUGE.
Not taking each other for granted is HUGE.
Like others have said......it takes two to make it work.........one person can try their ass off, but unless the other person is on board.....really where are you going to get?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think anyone who hasn't been married before realizes how much work it is. I know I didn't. But then when faced with the work part, you either choose to step up or back out..
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well said, HC.....

My ex has told me, in so many words, that she doesn't believe marriage should be that much work. I wish I were kidding.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ugh. Sorry DAB. All relationships take effort.. she'll figure that out eventually..
deleted_user
deleted_user
I will never be the beast of burden *oxen* anymore in my future farm.

That's all I have. I made huge mistakes. No more. Someone expressed concern to me that they worried that I might become alone and lonely if I don't find another man.

I rather be alone but, I will never be lonely because I will never settle for less than again nor will I give less than as I have evolved.

For now, I am planning a bucket list and am planning a kick ass family trip to Italy next Spring.

Nothing is impossible for me when I love. I just hope that someone will feel that way too. *shrugs*
Rman
Rman
I just want to make myself a better person. I need to try, even if it's just a little, to improve myself on a daily basis. Perhaps this experience has allowed me to realize that life takes work and that you get what you put into it...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Reap what you sow. I get that but, so is she. Then, there comes a time where you must walk away and have a renaissance.