Thanks everyone. I know the path to healing starts with understanding my own self worth. What makes that so difficult is that she makes me feel so worthless, all of the time. I can't stop thinking about it. How this woman, who I have trusted for 16 years, who I have given my everything to, who I have stood by through thick and thin, could be so cold and callous, as if she doesn't even know me. And she says I have changed, which is probably somewhat true, but she has changed so much more than I have, and I barely recognize the woman I married, and the woman who gave me the two most beautiful gifts I could have ever hoped for, my two sons.

And I know time heals all wounds. But these wounds are pretty deep, and I'm just not certain there is an amount of time left that's countable where I will ever get over this. I feel unbelievably betrayed, and I just can't shake that feeling.

It seems like many of us are feeling the exact same way. I fought as hard as I could and in the end he decided to end it and went right back to the affair woman (likely within hours). And I'm the one who has cried more tears than I thought I ever had while he seems cold and unaffected. My kids are 17 and 14 and are at least old enough to know i gave it everything I had but at some point I had to give up (when I was the only one left fighting). Right now I feel like I will never again feel happiness, but at least I know I'm not alone.

I'm not sure that time heals all wounds. However, time gives you the ability to realize the trauma hasn't killed you and you can begin to live again. It also gives you the sense that what has transpired happened despite your own good intentions. You have zero control of your wife's intentions and they don't line up with yours.

Knowing that? You can move on.

You're definitely not alone. I am having another one of those days today. She just doesn't care about me at all. It's so depressing. I honestly just wish she'd sleep with someone so it would be easier for me to let go. This is like living in hell.

I'm also not sure you can start healing until you really feel like you can move forward. And that means letting go of that which you know will never be better. Because you deserve better. Not that I'm a good example, if it were my choice I would still be trying to make the marriage work. I guess I should be happy that he made the final decision. A friend tells me he gave me a gift by seeing no way back. I honestly don't know an easy way through this.

You deserve better too. I know how hard that can be to accept, but it's true. I can never take my own advice, so I'm a little on the hopeless side. But, if it were my choice, I would want the marriage to work as well. Sucks to have no control.

Hang in there buddy, I know the early days seem insurmountable..your brain has a lot to work out. It's going to take time. Trust me it DOES get better. You just have to go through the stages of grief and that's a roller coaster.

I know you can't choose who you love, but being on the other side of the coin gives me a different perspective and I hope I am not out of place for saying this. Why do you want to be with someone who is clearly tired of you? who has shown you that they don't love you or your situation. Who has very different views on your lives with the children? Life is so short, run as far away from that as fast as you can and as soon as you can before she wakes up and one day says " I was wrong, I want to be in this forever " because if that happens, 20-30 years down the line you may wake up and say " oh s@# I wasted a lifetime" .

We had a huge argument this morning, and I really believe it was the final straw for me. I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that I was done fighting for this. That I deserve better, and that I refuse to keep fighting for someone who refuses to show me any love, compassion, or understanding. I think she finally realizes she pushed me over that edge, and she has not responded well. Feeling sorry for herself, telling me she's worthless and how I will be better off without her. I told her to save that, as I am not interested in listening to her feel sorry for herself. She brought this on herself and me, and unapologetically so. It feels good to not have what she says control me, even if it's only temporary. I deserve better than this, and I'm done taking her garbage.

Good for you. It is hard but you two definitely sound miserable so something has got to change.

Thanks koko. Should be an interesting night at home, although I believe she is going out tonight, so hopefully it will be relatively calm. Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare, and I am taking the day off work to mentally prepare for our mediation session. I should probably have taken off Thursday as well, but will just have to struggle through no matter how upset I am. I am going out drinking tomorrow night (my weekly night to let loose), so that's just really good timing. Definitely will need at least a few after the nonsense that will be taking place.

I had to come back to comment on this thread. We have some brilliant humans in this group. It is amazing to see how many people can abandon others and their children. I have been separated for 12 weeks and I must say I have been told I am a beautiful person almost daily by friends and family. I couldn't see it and perhaps that is why my spouse could not. With that said, find your worth. What do you like about yourself, what do you LOVE about YOU.