I have been drinking more. I very rarely drank before this started. I specifically went to the liquor store for a bottle of cherry vodka Thursday. I didn't even pretend that I was gonna buy the small bottle. Nope, got the big bottle. I drank Thursday night and Friday night, just because I could. Food does nothing for me anymore, and that is probably a good thing. But yes, I find myself drinking alot more than I did.

I talk about my Baileys ten times more often than I actually pour a shot. I purposely avoided alcohol, meds, shopping, sex etc during my recovery because I felt the pain was so bad, if I started trying to avoid it, I might find myself in trouble quick.

Its only recently that I trust myself to drink anything.

What I found was a relief during the hardest of times was reading a juicy espionage novel in bed. I mean I socialized and leaned on my friends a lot, but when I was alone, I liked reading for occupying/distracting myself. Oh, and my photography. Its hard to think about my pain when I'm photoshopping someone's zits or age spots away !!

Ha ha..Joy..maybe you could photoshop mine. I find myself wanting to drink more but stopping...also I would love a cigarette but promised I wouldn't start smoking..may have to break that promise.

OMG, I smoke ALOT more now too.

I might be a glutton for punishment or believe I'm stronger than I am, but I remember my thinking back then was

the more I let myself feel, the faster I can get this over with...and it was so bad, I wanted it over as quickly as possible.

llmt
just say the word

I'm actually lightening quick with that stuff now.

Joy...if you could do it on my face in person it would be great...lol...this has taken such a toll on me and my complexion which is maybe why I need to drink or smoke more...lol.

Since I have an 8 year old in a wheelchair, I can't drink that much. If I had healthy kids and an available sitter, I'd probably go out with friends a lot more. I doubt if I would drink at home too much though. I have a few beers here and there, but no more than before all the crap happened.

I should add ... I do find myself eating more, but then eating nothing to make up for my over-eating. I've always been an emotional eater.

llmt

I still have a little bit of my pregnancy mask from 14 years ago, so if I find out how to click those away, I'll come to your house next...promise.

um, LLMT, are you talking about the Philly crew toasting a lot more than they would have? LMFAO! ;)

Yes, I drink more, have been eating more (trying to gain back and maintain weight after the separation made me sick).....but I also have seen some really good benefits (this may be veering off topic...IDK).....like all those little things that used to really stress me out don't seem to matter at all. A new perspective about what constitutes a problem... and i think that's a positive thing, in some ways.

My son keeps me grounded... Otherwise I'd probably be taking more risks. In my younger days after a relationship went sour I threw caution to the wind and looking back did some pretty ridiculous stuff.... mostly on a motorcycle. Hell I'm fortunate to be here lol! But I'm not exactly a young man anymore either (not old mind you, just not 27) The only bad habit I really gotta nix now is the smoking which I'm aggressively working on as I speak.

I am like Joy. I did not do anything to excess as I was grieving. I have ventured out some since I have been alone now almost 3 years, but am still not a wild and crazy girl;-) Working on that!

Haha...HC..maybe just a little I think we talk about going out or drinking a lot...but it's fun anywho..he he. It was just an observation on other conversations I have had with others and such...IDK...hugs to you sweetheart.

Guess I am thinking about all this b/c I have had a tough holiday season...I see a rough few months to year coming and I often look at the bottle sitting on my shelf and wonder...just a rough day today..guess feeling a little needy as well.