Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
...dumped me and I thought I was doing so good even though for some reason I was still holding out hope. I don't know why, because in truth she has lots of issues and they caused us both lots of pain during the previous breakups. As much as my mind was telling me No, my heart was still shouting Yes.
I've even texted her 4 or 5 times and left one voicemail, basically telling her the door was still open. She didn't respond to any.
For some reason I can't quite put my finger on, this morning I've decided it's time I start to extinguish my hope, so I left her one last message on her answering machine. I basically told her I've given it a lot of thought and the door is no longer open.
I felt I owed her that since my previous texts and message were to the contrary, and she has changed her mind twice in the past, though it's not taken her 3 months. I didn't want her to possibly reconsider and call me based on what I had previously expressed.
Unfortunately I went a little further than I planned, telling her she has caused me an incredible amount of pain, and I felt like an idiot holding out hope. That I cannot allow that to happen again and I've blocked her on facebook and also blocked her numbers on my home and cell phone.
Childish? Maybe, but it's now clear in my mind I've crossed my personal Rubicon. There's no going back. I'm a little sad, but this too shall pass.
I've even texted her 4 or 5 times and left one voicemail, basically telling her the door was still open. She didn't respond to any.
For some reason I can't quite put my finger on, this morning I've decided it's time I start to extinguish my hope, so I left her one last message on her answering machine. I basically told her I've given it a lot of thought and the door is no longer open.
I felt I owed her that since my previous texts and message were to the contrary, and she has changed her mind twice in the past, though it's not taken her 3 months. I didn't want her to possibly reconsider and call me based on what I had previously expressed.
Unfortunately I went a little further than I planned, telling her she has caused me an incredible amount of pain, and I felt like an idiot holding out hope. That I cannot allow that to happen again and I've blocked her on facebook and also blocked her numbers on my home and cell phone.
Childish? Maybe, but it's now clear in my mind I've crossed my personal Rubicon. There's no going back. I'm a little sad, but this too shall pass.
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
But yeah, she told me things she's never told anyone else in her life, and I never judged her for any of it; I counseled her through it, in fact. She told me several times how cathartic that was for her. I never once yelled at her or even raised my voice; I never judged her; I never cheated on her; I never hurt her. But she freaked out when I had a really bad two days and was very negative about career stuff, and totally shut down and closed herself off. No talking it out, no acceptance of apologies, no reasonableness or acceptance--just harsh words and judgment on me, after everything. The shock still hasn't even worn off.
There are lots of posters here with some very deep and beneficial insights, and it's helped me tremendously.
In truth I almost feel guilty bringing my problems here, as many of the posters have gone through emotional trauma orders of magnitude greater than what I've esperienced.
I know it's cliche, but time does heal all wounds, if we allow it. If we allow ourselves to feel and embrace the various emotions welling up inside over time, as painful as that might be. We have to move through them, and not around them if we are to truly let go and free ourselves of the past.
This breakup has torn me apart, and yet it pales in comparison with any number of severe OCD episodes I've had. But the fact that I've dealt with other, more difficult stuff doesn't make it easier to get through this; in fact, in some ways, it makes it more difficult, since my negative thinking kicks in and tells me how horrible things have been for so long. And the skills for managing OCD do not translate very well to managing a breakup.
In other words, don't stop posting just because some people may have had it worse than you. They can still benefit from you sharing your experience and insight.