She knows you care about her. I would not be surprised after you stay a bit far (with no messages, text, voice message, phone calls) for some months and see her reaching out to you and asking for forgiveness - to return to your arms.

She is conflicted and she acts with distance because she knows you care. The boomerang effect is a norm in that personality trait.

NiceGuy, I do understand that. We all have good and bad traits. However one does not inflict and prolong pain upon one who they profess to love. And they especially don't do it unilaterally, without even attempting to discuss whatever the perceived issue might be and see if there's really a problem and if so a mutually agreeable resolution.

I would agree SimpleGuy, but when someone opens up it not only opens a door they keep locked, it makes them feel a variety of emotions. and now, they have someone they care about, who knows things about them, they haven't or didn't share with many others. they get scared and usually push the ones they care about the most, away. I am not justifying her actions, but I think we have all seen or been like this ourselves. While we want to think we would handle it differently, if we were honest, there have been times we may have handled things the same way.

The thousands of dollars for a ring and wedding is just me and what I would have wanted to give her. More importantly I would not have felt it right proposing until I had that property in order. That would have relieved me of a $2000+ a month drain between mortage and repairs. Besides, what's the big rush? If we do in fact love each other, what's 12, 16, 18 or 24 months? I was in it for the long-haul.

I do believe she feels I deceived her about the house, my finances and a timeline for marriage. We never, ever talked about a timeline, just that it was something we both felt we wanted. And she certainly knew I was stretched financially until the house was back in service, which it will fully be late next summer.

It's ironic. She's very impatient, and that led her to marry her fist husband after dating for only 4 or 5 months. That turned out to be a total disaster, as she later found out many things that she says if she knew she never would have married him.

I would think she would want to make sure she did not repeat the same mistake again. Get to know me. Really know me. And if she had concerns about that property, it would give her time to observe how I handle getting the property back in service. See if my actions match my words.

Seriously, she's a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. She's very conservative, especially religious and supposedly sexually. However she came on so strong on our very first date. I had to put the brakes on, because I just thought it was way too soon.

And when one of her son's caught us in the act late one night, she totally freaked out (as did I) and said it had to stop when they were home (and I agreed). She said she was wrong to tell them one thing and do another. But then she wants me to move in without marrying her, and I asked her if that was a good idea, considering how she wants to raise her boys. That we should give it some thought before we came to a decision. I was definitely not comfortable with that idea.

I can't relate to that NiceGuy. I opened up to her. Told her everything about me. The good and the bad, the happy times and the sad times. Nothing really major on the bad side, just my wild and crazy younger days which are way, way behind me. She accepted all of it, seemingly with no concerns whatsoever.

It did not scare me that she knew more about me than any single person except maybe my sister. In fact it strengthened my feelings for her. For me it's very good to feel you can trust someone implicitly. After all isn't that one of the cornerstones of a strong and lasting relationship?

I'm coming in late on this one.

So you think she left because she saw the gravy trian drying up? Who needs someone like that? Perhaps you saw the reason why she is also someone elses ex?

I think you did the right thing my sending the final message. I would of done the same.

The way I see it - and of couse this is only my opinion, which may not be the case here, but based on experience from other events in my life - when there is still vivid feelings, the final message seems more of a request for response from the other party to close that door, than closing the door completely.

Closure is accomplished with distance, silence, lack of response on both ends and moving forward with other forces taking over this emptiness. Maybe work, vacation of a more extended time, frequent tasks to occupy the time that will not allow much thought (gym, going out with friends regularly, etc.)

Bottom line is to avoid the frequency of internal investigation on what went wrong, blaming something or someone, which will increase the pain and block the "let go" phase.

I wish you the best, strength, and if this is not the end, then be it. Try to get some rest, shed some tears (that works sometimes), continue on whatever is working for you. We will be here to talk to you regardless of the outcome.

Misred, I don't think she was in it for the money. At least at one point she told me she would be perfectly happy married to me even if it meant living in a shack. Ironic, isn't it?

I honestly can't relate to her thought process on this. It's just too bizarre from my perspective.

I am the same way SimpleGuy. It doesn't scare me to be open with someone, I was really talkling about her opening up to you. People handle it differently. Some find it bonding, some find that they need to run from the one they opened up to because it makes them look in the mirror now that you know..

CMondo, I'm fairly certain if anything my last message probably made her dig her heels even further in, if that's possible. Frankly, I don't believe she cares. I'm probably a non-entity as far as she's concerned.

As for me, I now have her blocked across the electronic spectrum. Probably not necessary, but it feels good. I guess sometimes we have to take some action, even if it's after the fact and basically futile. But if it does make me feel better is it really futile?

Yeah NiceGuy, you might be right. I admit we (me & my xgf) are so very different people.

Anyway, I'm sure it's for the best. Better now than 2, 3 or 5 years down the road when our lives would have been so much more intertwined.

By the way, I'm feeling a LOT better today. I think I've been supressing my anger for the last three months. It felt good to vent it across the pages of this thread. ;)

"Lesson learned. When someone tells you something less than flattering about their nature, believe it. That is who they are. No matter how perfect it seems at first, those aspects of their personality will most likely be turned on you sooner or later.

Thank God it was sooner."

This is the best advice I have heard in awhile; it would have come in quite handy 6 months ago.

It's uncanny how similar your breakup sounds to mine--especially with regard to how you treated her while in the relationship and how she has treated you since. Talk of marriage, telling me she loved me more than anyone she'd ever met, that it was meant to be...all were reduced to ashes within the span of 2 days. Then she rewrote history on me and accused me of things I didn't do, most likely to relieve herself of guilt for turning on me so suddenly, in response to something so minor. Her behavior has been erratic, irrational, and downright nasty, and I've stopped trying to make sense of it.

I've never experienced anything like it, and I hope to God I never do again. It's been almost 2 months, and it's still hell. I'm making affirmations every day, multiple times, to let go of my attachment to her and move on. But the feelings just are not going away.

Thank you for sharing your insights about your situation.

Sorry to hear that xanadu. I do know exactly how you feel. :(

I've been more in confusion than anything else these past three months.

"telling me she loved me more than anyone she'd ever met, that it was meant to be"

Uncanny indeed! She told me she never loved anyone like she loved me. Not even close. Our song was Happy Together and her favorite verse was:

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

Well, you clearly have a lot of insight into your situation and appear to be gaining some important lessons from it. That obviously doesn't make the pain go away, as I'm all too aware, but it's still important. Reading your posts has been very helpful to me, as my situation is so similar and you've got some really sage advice.

In my case, it's as if my heart just is not keeping up with my head. Even though I can't make sense of her behavior, I know I need to let go and move on, and I'm taking a lot of action to try to do this, but I can't talk myself out of my feelings. I'm sure I'll get there eventually, but I can't believe how long it's taking me to let go of her and get back on track (we only dated for 3 months, but it was VERY intense and passionate, and we were very good friends as children).

I have general problems with anxiety and depression (for which I'm being treated), as well as health and career problems, and my ex and I were really in love. So when it ended very suddenly, I really, really bottomed out.