Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi there, I’m not quite sure where I stand with my wife. We’ve been married 5 years and now are staring down the barrel of divorce I think. The word is banded about but there is also words of don’t worry everything’s going to be alright. She’s in a deep dark place and I’m trying my absolute best to support and help her but she's not letting me in. My anxieties and stress has got the better of me and I explained to her I had these thoughts of her being unfaithful because of some odd behaviour. Now since that she's shut off completely and won't let me in. She's struggling with being around me or me asking her questions (just about her day etc) because I think she thinks I'm trying to gather information. Any advice on what I can do/say?
Anyways, not sure why I'm posting on this as we haven't officially got into divorce or separation but I'm just so lonely and I have nobody to talk to apart from my therapist which is only once a week.
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In all it's splendid colour!!I'm up for a very short time I hope...It's too early for me but I always seem to have these early awake times where I'm not quite ready to get upAnother chore day for me as I didn't get done all I wanted to yestetdayI hope that your day is blessed...xo
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
Marriage is meant to be worked out and worked through between both parties to enjoy the fruits of your love/labor, spirit, and all.
Wish you & your spouse the very best, because being married to the right persona is a beautiful gift you give to yourself.
Definitely wished it and still wish it for myself. Again, sorry disappointments in marriage are prone to happen but if there’s any consolation, I pray and wish for you and your spouse to collectively have the courage to fight for each other while in your marriage. Again, marriage is solely between two individuals and not an entire community.
Best luck to you both buddy.
With love,
QOAQ
Your wife needs to know you're there for her. But sounds like she's getting defensive over your questions.
Hmmm..... maybe try changing the questions.
Instead of asking " how was your day?"
Try......"how are you feeling today?" "What I can do to be a blessing to you right now?"
Just a thought. The hope is that as she sees you just being there with no agenda other than to love her she will let her walls down.
Be patient as this might take some time.
Is she also seeing a therapist?
If not it might be a very good thing to encourage.
There are even some that will do individual and marriage counseling.
Basically you’re responsible for your own feelings, own doings, and own behavior.
Reality says it best, the grass is greener where you water it.
Time has a way to expose reality that is undeniable.
She has now said she needs some space and can’t be around me so with our house sell I am moving into somewhere on my own whilst she stays with her parents instead of us both going into a rented place until we found our new house.
I actually just feel so damn alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to.
You have to stop sucking her energy dry. Find value and worth within you and stop “manipulating” her for attention or love or whatever.
She’s likely pulling away to conserve her energy and have time to think.
Do the same, go inward and work on your own issues. Get a good therapist. Take time to change your own behavior and stop smothering her. Be quiet and watchful and see if she’s lying, being gone a lot more, texting to someone all the time, taking secret phone calls.
Do your work and then see how things are in the marriage. Say one thing to her daily that shows appreciation of her but is not manipulative. Do the dishes, do the laundry.
I am not a great cook but I even make the dinners most nights. I feel like I’m doing all the manual labour and trying to find time to connect but she withdraws. I know you’re right, I need to focus on myself. She already is quiet, secretive with her phone and where she goes (until a day or two after). I know I need to stop giving a fuck and just leave her to do her own thing but it’s hard as I can see she’s very low so I want to be there to support her.
Time for a man's perspective. She is cheating on you. She probably has been for a while now (she wouldn't jump right into disrespecting you the way that she is without having a backup plan). STOP doing "everything" and start planning your future - your single future without this leech dragging you down. Likely her "deep dark place" has something to do with marital problems and maybe even more to do with guilt over how she has treated you and violated her marriage "vows". Source: my own fucking life 10 years ago!
Take it for what it's worth.
HotCzech makes a good point about financial assets - talk to a divorce attorney immediately and make sure you are doing wise things with your money! I wish you the best. It is a terrible situation but so many of us have been through it and mostly we end up in a better place! Stay positive but be vigilant!
-Stepping.