I am in a similar situation with a wife of 18 years but I can't prove the cheating. I'm just trying to get through a day at a time. So far we have no lawyer involvement but I am sure its coming as my wife says she wants civility but she is a bully with a temper. We need to hang in there and take care of ourselves first so we can make rational decisions. He says he wants to be civil to lower your guard. I think that's why my wife said the same thing. Behind the scenes she is acting very suspicious. Keep an eye on his every move without crossing the line to paranoia. Good luck. I support you.

You're not being petty at all. I couldn't help but think mine was being civil out of guilt after he left. . You have every right to be angry and upset, Just make sure the kids are kept out of it which I am sure you will. Hang in there <Hugs>

Get a lawyer, file for divorce, and take him to the cleaners ...no friendship, no playing nice, he blew it up and blew up the family so he needs to pay the consequences. Contact only through lawyer and get a visitation schedule or whatever you need for the kids. He left he can pay the piper. It took time when my ex-wife left but I don't talk to her at all anymore and believe me life is much better

Not petty. He can be civil (nice even, "can't we be friends?") because he has been disconnecting from you for a while. He was cheating, he put his emotional energies elsewhere. He is ready to move on.

You? You've been wracked up the side of the head. You are not yet ready to move on. He is at the end of the journey-you are at the beginning.

So no - it isn't petty to be angry when the person you trust breaks the trust with you so profoundly. You will heal - but, it takes the time it takes. My only caution would be to not give him more energy then he deserves. And anger and vengeance takes energy. Balance is impt.

Good luck!

I am so sorry for your pain. I agree with kbb that you should get a lawyer as soon as possible so you can get on with your life.
Of course he wants to be friends with you----it will make HIM feel less guilty.
I would try my best to be civil to him in front of the kids and not bad mouth him to them, even though he deserves it. Try and make it all as easy as possible on the kids and also try not to put them in the middle.
I wish you the very best

My wife cheated on me a long time ago and I would like to find another woman that's not a cheater and move on with my life and be happy...if your husband has cheated and left for good maybe we could just talk and get to know one another...because I would Love to move on because this is not a place for me to be so miserable all the time....I'm 67 and tired....Thanks! for reading..

So sorry for your pain. Seventeen years is a long time, and in spite of his bad behavior, this is still a time of grief and loss for you. Life as you know it will change and you need to go through your grief. You are not being petty. You are hurt. It is honorable that you are acknowledging that. The interaction does not have to be harsh with him as that will only serve to drain you more. You might want to just let him know that you need time, that you are in need of spending time healing and would prefer less contact right now. It is important that the kids not be involved as that will only serve to hurt them on many levels. Reach out to trusted family and friends for support and love. If it will help you, reach out to a counselor. If you belong to a church, share with your pastor. You may need to vent to work out the many emotions you are going through. Take fifteen minutes at a time. I wish you healing and peace.

I think I am unhinged. I am angry all the time and can only think of how he must be happier with her to leave the family. I feel horrible, unloveable, discarded. I want him to hurt like me.

ok, just dont cut off your nose to spite your face.

pick your battles. For example, if you know where his birth certificate and SS card are, Just give them to him.

But do get a lawyer.

It's normal to feel angry and hurt. Keep your kids in mind and emotions in check as you deal with your ex because he'll be in your life through your kids for a long time. This is hard, but if he really wants to be civil, see if he will agree to getting one collaborative lawyer who will work for and with the two of you. This is one way to save money and come to mutual agreements that are fair for both sides.