Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you trust her. Her changes give me the impression that she is having an affair. I suggest that you let it ride out to see what happens. Don't fight with her about her decisions to go out and do things that are out of the norm. God Bless.

Always go with your gut! Amen. I had a feeling for years my CS had been with a co-worker. 14 years later all was revealed. Until then I never really believed in a gut feeling but boy do I now, Listen to your body.

Sorry to hear about what you are dealing with.

Yeah, she's cheating. I'd put money on it. Why separate? If she doesn't want to work on the marriage, just get divorced. Separation just draws things out longer. And, since she's very likely cheating, it allows her to keep you hanging on as a backup plan.

I would tell her right off the bat you either commit to working on the marriage or just get the divorce and move on. Right now she's playing you for a fool.

I've been there. My ex started running, lost some weight. Then she started buying different underwear, more flattering clothes, caring about her makeup, etc. I figured she just felt good about herself for losing weight. I was supportive. Like a damn fool. Meanwhile she was out cheating on me and, as another poster on here once said, "rehearsing for a new career in porn." Some people don't have the necessary strength of character to weather the mid-life "crisis"; they crumble, cheat, it's all about them and the happiness they DESERVE!

Cast her off and start rebuilding. My divorce was in 10/2015. It gets a lot better afterwards!

Steppingoverthehedge

Thanks. I really feel like she is cheating and I've got out asked, but she denies it. I'm dropping it and just deciding that divorce soon is our only option anyway. I'm certainly not going to wait around for her to change her mind. I think she's is having a midlife crisis event and whether or not there's another man or men, or she's just doing these things to create a new her and a new life I don't want to wait around.

I appreciate the positive comment about life after divorce. I'd do anything to work on our marriage, but since she won't do anything, I've built up a lot of anxiety about life without her as a 40 year old single dad...it's scary but hearing positive stories really helps.

"new her" and "new life". Hah, that's almost a direct quote from my ex!! Think about how selfish that is, to do that and EXCLUDE your spouse!! The height of narcissism.

We tried marriage counseling briefly. Or I should say: *I* tried and she was checked out. I think she just did it to keep up appearances, so she could tell friends/family that she tried. She never really tried. Before her cheating period she never came to me to discuss problems or issues either.

And she has NEVER admitted to her cheating. I had someone else come forward to tell me the things my ex had told her about her cheating experiences. Even during our supposed heart-to-heart conversation pre-marriage counseling - she denied cheating. During marriage counseling, on the day she told me she wanted a divorce - denial. After that I got my proof. I said something nasty to her one day - my only slip-up - and she again denied the cheating, even after I knew it to be true! She would have to face the reality of what she has become if she admitted it.

My ex didn't deserve me, and your stbx doesn't deserve you. You will have to let her go, even though it's scary as hell - that's about the time I joined this site and created my username (Feb/Mar 2015).

I got divorced at 41. Also a single dad, 50/50 custody. I will say that the dating world for a guy in his 40s is probably a lot better than the dating world for a woman in her 40s. Youth is valued in both men and women, but moreso in women. As we age, guys gain an advantage. It's just biology/genetics.

You will do fine. Give it time. Work on self-improvement, which will build your confidence and rebuild your wrecked ego. Then that positivity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and you really will find happiness.

I'm 2.3 years out from divorce. My life is pretty good. I'm dating a woman who is pretty great, using my non-custody time to step out and do things I didn't have time to before (playing guitar in a band). I live my life my way, now and forever. I've learned a lot about myself, about relationships, and maybe a little about women too. I'm wiser. In some ways I'm stronger (but in other ways, admittedly damaged - not sure I can fully trust anymore; but not sure if that's damage or realism. Everything in life is fleeting). You'll get there.

Bingo ! Steppingovertheedge. If she wanted it she would try to salvage the marriage. She has two choices, admit what's going on with her or redefine herself by the stories she tells. But people that sweep it under the rug will eventually get hit with reality. It may take months or years. By then the damage is mostly likely done. Best of luck and do the best you can day by day. Johnny29

Shouldn’t matter if she’s seeing someone else. Looks like you all are misusing the words cheating and separation. You need to have a conversation about what the point of this separation is and the timeline for an end goal. It doesn’t sound like you two are very separated if you know what kind of bra and panty she has or her waxing habits. The Brazilian/bad period thing is a definite lie. But it seems like you’re trying to figure out your relationship with a person that is moving on with her life. So you need to talk directly to her. And be prepared to walk away bc your gut is probably steering you in the right direction: whether she’s cheating or not, your gut feels that the relationship is over.

We are all creatures of habit. First sign something is going on, a change in those habits. Start watching very closely. Write down everything and keep track. The signs will start to show up more and more. Everything you mentioned is to look good for somebody. If she's not doing it for you then who? Good luck.

I remember having young kids and feeling trapped. Please don’t start stalking your wife to confirm affair. You’ll just end up pushing her into the arms of another man, if there even is one. At least ask her if she’s willing to try marriage counseling. If both of you aren’t willing to work on whatever problems there are, then I suppose divorce is the solution. Don’t wait around in separation limbo.

I need some advice here on the topic of cheating. Let’s say I found out my wife was cheating/Affair and she didn’t know I knew.... what is some advise legally on this. (I have 4 kids and I am the only source of income. Oldest is 22 youngest is 11

I’ve never cared if my bra an panties were matching so if she isn’t trying to turn you on then she is getting attention from another or already has a new guy she is doing the dirty with is she talking down on you saying nasty stuff if so then she is probably then she is making her self feel better about what she is doing ........ okay so I’ve gone threw this I was told that I was lazy didnt contribute I’m a bxxxx lol none of that is true but hey if that’s what he has to tell him self to feel batter about what he is doing ....

I think she's doing something. That does not mean she may not have some legitimate complaints.

Talking about marriage, there is something sacred about it. Its reason and purpose doesn’t not mean you should see someone else when you’re married. Let’s not minimize “thru thick and thin” or why should marriage be “a thing”. If you have a separation agreement that’s is legal and you put in there that you can see other people then fine. Other wise It cheating. As far as reason why you may think cheating maybe happening or not ...well hard to give a straight up answer to someone when you don’t live or see what’s going on. Be open to opinions but decide for yourself. My wife said she wasn’t but she is , she just doesn’t know I just found out. Best of luck to the dishonesty. Glad I moved on before I found out. I will always trust my gut. !