I would get into therapy just for you, to help
you talk Thru all of this. To me he sounds like
an Porn/sex Addict. Your life will not get better
Or be normal With him.

I hope you reach out for help for yourself
and get the support You need to heal and
move forward especially before starting
another new relationship. HUGS

Scared,your dynamic sounds so similar to my last relationship..which i am still grieving and trying to figure out what my part was...and why i am holding on to the pain. We were together 9 years but only lived together the last year. I saw but ignored all the red flags that she wasnt likely to become the kind of emotionally available partner I yearned for. But she kept saying she loved me and would make reference to us growing old together. So i wanted to believe i could make her want to change..but the only time she would bd vulnerable or would share her thots and feelins even slightly were the many times i let her know it was at the breaking point. In the end i feel that she was too emotionally wounded and ws not willinv to go to therapy, fears of intimacy and not even understanding what I meant by that..she was generous financially and doing physucal work that SHE liked but not to help with my priorities. I never drank or took so much valium as when she lived w me. She would make wise cracks about my being too old to wear short skirts..and she meant it..i changed my clothes to go out dancing on my birthday to suit her! Her arguments or defense waz always blaming me for the situation and nevef seeing her part or just having a normal two way conversation. It was the definition of psychological and emotionsl abuse. She DEMANDED that i move to a house she went out and bought on her own jusg to be 5 mins from her afult chkldren. I think we are both brokrnhearted but i belueve the culprit was both of us were afraid to be alone (at my increasing age..i am niw 63, i felt she was my last chance for a home family and physicsl security..i have alot of medical issues. But i concluded id rather die alone than live in a lie where we both were hanging on because we were afraid we wouldnt find anyone else. Since i let her go, i have been rebuilding my self esteem, spendinv time again with people and interests that reflect my values..not trying to just fit nto hers. I have been honest with myself finally and recognize what i miss isnt her so much as having "somebody." I pray i wilk never slow the illusion of a relationship to overshadow the reality again. Some if this may not resonate with you but you and only you will know what does and you will have to feel your own "final straw". For me, it was when she expected me to move into a house that i had no role in picking out, just because she was willing to pay for everything...and still no clue she wasnt offering me much emotionally. I think she wanted a marriage of convenience..yes..she even talked of marriage in the near future...but material possessions and house repair i could pay for myself..I told her what I needed was a deeper emotional connection..but she was just too scared to go there. My heart is with you as you go through this.

Sounds alot like my relationship with the x. As unhappy as I was at times because he did nothing to help, I couldn't find it to leave him because I truly loved him. Then one day he walked out. What I learned in the last 6 months is that if they see the hurt they are causing yet continue to display that behavior they will never change. Partly because we won't force that change. It's a fear we have that if we speak up they will leave. I feel for u and hope u can work through your relationship but of he sees the pain he is causing and does nothing I hope u can find the dtengyh to know u deserve better and can move on.

Wow, Great shares both of you. Its
Hard to see your honest reality and
to face It. I was married 30 years so
i had Lots of soul searching to do.

I was born into the same dynamics
As he was so we were a magnet for
Each other. I needed help, love and
Support on my own healing journey.
If nothing changes nothing changes,
HUGS

OMG, just stop! Stop! Stop beating yourself up. Leave now. I'm guessing your BF is in his 20s. My ex is 55, and he is the same way. The blanket over the head? What, is he 2? Well, emotionally I would say he is at about that age. That he's making your feel crazy? You're not crazy, not in the least, based upon what you have written and how you have written it. This statement: "He tells me I need to tell him to do things otherwise he doesn't realize they need to be done." So, he BLAMES you for him not doing the dishes. No, no and n-o. He can see the sink, he knows how to do it, he's not going to do it, won't, and you will end up doing it eventually because now you have no clean drinking glasses. This is not a mature or healthy dynamic. I had the same issues, here's an example. We moved into a house with a yard when my firstborn was less than a year old. Husband was always too tired to mow the grass after work (really?) so it was put off to the weekend. Well, if a golf date came up, or it rained, or he needed to relax on the couch, it didn't get done. Or some of it got done, but not all. The next weekend things would be worse. And the next. Eventually the town started mowing the first few feet in from the curb. I couldn't take it any longer so I took over the task. With a baby. Somehow, I got it done, every single week, the entire yard - push mower and tractor. Even when I was 9 months pregnant with baby #2. More than once lawn mowing services would stop by my yard while my huge baby belly and I were struggling getting the mower up the hill and ask if I needed help. Ex didn't care. I found a way. Yes, I was tired, but I wasn't lazy and irresponsible or passive aggressive as he was. My point in sharing this story is that this seems to be the road the two of you will head down, if you continue with him. So don't. This kind of behavior he's exhibiting now has set the stage for the rest of your relationship. He doesn't seem to be emotionally able to understand your point of view, to recognize that it takes two to make a relationship. Put that blanket back over your head, dear BF and don't worry about anything. You'll be taken care of, no matter how cruel you are to me - no more. It took me nearly 29 years of marriage before I pulled the plug. I am so happy I did, relieved. I'm not worried about being 54 and single and lonely, it's so much better this way than being alone and lonely within a relationship.

You already know he is depressed, has some emotional baggage from his childhood. If he is not currently seeking help for his depression, you should not stick around to see him spiral down. You're in the middle of something that is totally outside of your control. Let me amend that by saying even if he is seeking help, get out now for your own sanity. You can tell him that if he gets help and gets his act together, maybe you two can connect down the road. But I wouldn't count on that.

You need to work on you, and by that I mean your inability to see how demoralizingly destructive he is to you, and how you shouldn't put up with it. Oftentimes (IMO) people (like me) who grow up in an environment where they are given limited attention and love think this is just how the world is. They seek, whether actively or not, partners who give them the same level of love and support they had growing up. They can't understand why they feel so alone and why their significant other isn't a true partner. They think it's them, especially if their partners are able to manipulate them into believing so, like yours, like mine.

After reading all the posts, I have to respectfully disagree with the advice regarding distancing/pursuing stopping conversations, going quiet, in attempts to get him to take notice of your and your issues with the relationship - that's game playing. You've been honest, you've told him clearly what you want and need, presumably you told him you're unhappy with the way he treats you. You've done your part. There are only so many chances you should give people to be decent to you. The comment that he wants to see you burn alive? WTF? That'd be enough for me. Time to stand up for you, be strong for you. This is emotional abuse and you do not need this in your life.

I agree Jojo

Most of us that land here have tried Everything
under the sun to make things work. I know i did.
We are often on bottom from trying so hard to
no Avail and we just get more emotional abuse.

When we keep staying In a toxic relationship. To
them they have your permission to keep it up
Because you are still there taking it.

Many times the relationship is too broken or the
partner is too broken or both people need tons
of help, love and support to start to get better,
saner And healthier.

Toxic is toxic and there generally no coming back
From it, even with both in recovery. We both were
And it only got worse.

The bad has been done and its a huge mountain
To climb over. Often the issues were very deep and
Could take years before any true change will happen.

My ex seemed okay for years, he still had some issues.
He was not truly better though, he did not deal with his
old wounds and demons and they destroyed our marriage
and i lived in Hell with him for the last 12 years. I had my
Own issues by staying too long when i knew i needed to
Leave him, toxic does not improve with age. HUGS

3 educated guesses..
1.) He's trying to get you to leave him so he doesn't have to feel bad about breaking up with you.
2.) He's suffering from something on the depression spectrum.
3.) A combination of #1 & #2.

source: I'm an experienced man.

It is you. You who is taking his BSC. You who is expecting to wake up to a man you think he can be but it's never going good to happen. It is you staying in a relationship that's stagnic and one sided. Why?

Sagacioussusan you are so right, I need out, I am just afraid of the aftermath, of how he will react, of all the stuff he will take and all the mean things he will say. I'm scared of him. I hate him. He is terryfying and good at being so..

I dont know who originally said it, but I have found it so true that "we teach people how to treat us". If you continue to stay with him in spite of his mrntally abusive behavior and his refusal to take redpondibility for his own happiness, then he is only learning that he can continue what hes doing. You are the only one who can change your life, but we cang change another person and loving them has nothing to do with it. He has alot more problems than you or anyone else can fix for him. There is life beyond relationship. Our most important relationship is loving ourselves. Many hugs.

Regarding being afraid of his reaction...I once left a relationship by gathering up all my belongings and with friends help moved out when he wasnt home. No kids together so didnt have to ever let him know wherw I went. If you do wind up catching flack for getting away..just remember these he is just blaming you because of his own issues and youve done nothing wrong but trying to preserve your sanity. There are plenty of fish in the sea.....dont undervalue yourself.

Sweetie, it sounds as if you are already alone. And, it appears he is able to do a much better job at having his needs met.

But, here you are sharing and looking for support!!!

Here we all our, able to support and share our experiences!!!

He's already admitted he is like his father.... He expressed it in a volatile situation. If he has issues with depression he needs a counselor. Safety first, always be willing to call 911..

Always beware emotionally unavailable people.... Their Heartbreakers! They steal from us!!

I've been in that relationship, allot of us have. Please find your inner beauty! Sounds silly but, it's true.

I was actually in my own way to finding a really great life!

It took time and being honest with myself. My ex had no plans to change. I finally accepted he was not a happy person. I believed I could fix him if.......

Finally I got my own apartment, a car and went back to school!!!

My environment changed & so did my life!!!! I stopped needing a relationship, until I decided I wanted one.

You can do this! There is so much more out there in the world. Being afraid to leave just means your contemplating it. The next step is making a plan.

One of my guy friends shared this with me and I never forgot it: " Never worry about an ex or waste time on revenge, their comes a time in life we recognize when we lost one of the good ones"

Hang in there!!!

Forget about this child you have tied yourself to. Have fun for yourself! Live the life you want. Run don't walk to the nearest exit. Don't wait 25 years for this baby to grow up!!