Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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scared2balone 05/14/2017

So this is my first post on here, not sure where to begin. I've lived with my boy friend for a little over a year. He has slowly become extremely lazy, mean, condescending, emotionally detached... I could go on. I have asked him multiple times over the past few months if he is unhappy and if he would like to be single, he says no, that he loves me... but then continues to be the lazy, nasty boy he is being, and I say boy because in my opinion this is not how a man acts. I am so irritated by the entire thing I have been crying myself to sleep, he never cares... why am I wasting my time? Why am I so afraid to leave him? If he is bringing so little to the table what am I so afraid of?

scared2balone 05/14/2017

Ahh I see what you're saying, don't just let him cry and everything is ok, he needs to actually want to make a difference ... ugh man harder said than done... when he cries I feel so awful hahaha . I need to stay strong though

sjs777 05/14/2017

wow i really need to read my messages before i click send lol typos galore

its seems he's getting his cake and eating it too, its a toxic cycle, it can be changed though. its really about trying new ways. worst case you've tried all you're willing to try and you can say, i gave it my best, now I'm leaving - sadly it may be then that he changes if he believe its over. i'm just throwing out different approaches, use them as you wish

scared2balone 05/14/2017

I appreciate all your response and also I don't even notice your typos, I'm sure I have plenty of my own.

I guess with my boy friend the main thing for me is that I feel this relationship is affecting my health, mental and physical. I have insane amounts of migraines and my self confidence has plumited ... not that it was ever perfect, I'm human, but it's pretty damn low now.. sucks. I don't know how to fix that with him around

sjs777 05/14/2017

its often suggested to let them know that they really can lose you and that you are prepared to go on without him. thats where distancing yourself assists (Stop doing things for him - even day to day things, start doing your own thing, don't initiate conversation) - let him think you're moving on and that he can lose you

scared2balone 05/14/2017

So if I do this and it works, which it eventually will, how do I know when I begin to be nice again he won't just start the cycle all over again?

sjs777 05/14/2017

the other consideration of course if you already know that he just won't change or that you've checked out all together. neither decision is wrong as you need to do what is best for you

scared2balone 05/14/2017

Blah, yeah, I know.. thank you so very much for your advice ... it was much needed.

sjs777 05/14/2017

you can be nice all along, its really up to him to go from distancer to pursuer - just don't set things back to what they were - allow a new beginning - this is how it is going forward, or it will fall back to old habits. go slow if things change, he will revert to distancer quickly if you flip the switch back to how things were. A healthy relationship has a balance of distancer/pursuer, its catching it when it goes one sided thats key, when it goes on too long (months or years) its tougher to tear down long periods of wayward behaviour

sjs777 05/14/2017

again i was just offering ideas, I'm no expert by any means, simply sharing some alternative ideas

i should also say that you should find things that allow you to have fun - reconnect with friends etc - things which allow you to be happy and not solely consumed by things in your relationship - you deserve it

in no way am i suggesting you're right or wrong

sjs777 05/14/2017

feel free to reach out anytime. fingers crossed for you

sjs777 05/14/2017

i do know what you mean. The other consideration we haven't talked about is moving on without him and how to remain strong if you do. Being alone is tough... at first. believe me, my wife told me she wasn't in love with me any more after 25 years, but i trhived

sjs777 05/14/2017

know that should you decide to part ways that you're not alone. Im always willing to listen

sjs777 05/14/2017

it would seem the first thing for consideration is whether you want to move on or not. think of your health and well being and know that either way you will grow stronger each day and you deserve happiness

scared2balone 05/14/2017

It's been a really rough relationship... I feel like it is too far gone to fix... my family dislikes him because of his he treats me... his family has even told me they don't approve of how he treats me... I just don't see why I had to have such bad luck. I was/am so in love with him and I was so happy when I met him. My younger sister had just gotten married so this made me feel special like maybe I had found someone too. And now if has completely blown up in my face and I will be left alone and with less than I started with. How is that fair?

sjs777 05/14/2017

i do. you deserve happiness

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