you boyfriend reminds me of me. i have changed. how? through deep inner reflection, sadly it only came as my wife of 25 years told me she didn't love me any more. but it didn't have to be that way. i didn't know how to show my love in a way she could appreciate it and didn't thinks were as bad as they were for her. read the 5 love languages book. instead of talking of his laziness let him know just how bad you feel they are, in a short one or two sentence statement. then apply the 180 method - see my other posts. if however your heart is hardened to him and no amount of change matters then discard my comments

I love him with all my heart, my main problem with him is when I talk to him about anything, even if I say it in a nice way he completely shuts down.. he will cover his head with a blanket, become completely unresponsive.. I then proceed to get irritated and he then will completely go down hill. He will say nasty things to me, talk about my weight, my insecurities... later he will tell me he meant none of this but there comes a point where it's hard to know what is real and what isn't..

please excuse the typos. its not you, its how you each are missing the mark in understanding what the other person needs. it seems he doesn't understand just how miserable you are. while i know that isn't your intent it is possible he doesn't see you crying yourself to sleep or just how terrible you feel inside, and that just maybe he is not set to react if your concerns are raised only during heated moments. another consideration is that their is a deeper rooted issue that isn't being discussed (your need for words of affirmation or physical touch, yet presents his love for you through acts of service or gift giving). I provide you a different perspective, do with it as you wish

another concept... when one partner pursues it causes the other to distance. not unlike a parent who repeatedly asks a child to clean their room and the child only does it when there is a consequence or they no longer are asked repeatedly to do so

another... if he's an introvert he will respond best to recognizing a positive behaviour. example - i had such a hard day at work, i really appreciate that you made dinner tonight... suddenly dinner is made for you more often

I see what you are saying, I truly do.. but he does see me crying, he hates when I cry, he thinks they are fake and I am being dramatic. He also knows I am unhappy, he just doesn't seem to care... he has severe depression. He also has emotionally cheated on me multiple times, hits on other girls, and yet never wants to do anything sexual other than kiss me.. he tells me he never feels horny... but yet he still looks at porn.. I have asked him if he wants to be single but he always says no.. it just makes no sense to me.. it makes me feel kinda crazy to be honest...?

Again, I appreciate your points of view but I have tried all of this... I have done the dishes every day for the last month, that was the last time he did them. I asked him 4 days ago to do the dishes and he said no problem and that he completely understood why he should do them and they are still sitting there.... he is a child.
He tells me I need to tell him to do things otherwise he doesn't realize they need to be done. He refuses to cook dinner, he has maybe cooked 3 times since we have lived together... it's crazyness... he was amazing when we met and then we moved in together and it went all down hill ...

another concept - i highly suspect he doesn't realize the magnitude of your feelings - go dark, don't initiate conversation or try letting him know just how miserable you are and how you feel your relationship is at an unsermountable impasse. it may be the kick in the butt he needs (wake up call)

given your response, he's either an ass or has become complacent and may need the kick in the butt i mentioned. let him know you're concerned your relationship may not have a future and then go quiet and allow him to initiate relationship talk in the coming days/weeks

i also suggest you stop doing things for him - if he's complacent, he's taking you for granted as well as the relationship

It usually is, I've done this before. I broke up with him, he packed up all his stuff acted like a crazy person threw my clothes from the dresser on to the floor .... I had to call the cops because he wouldn't stop playing music one night and I had to work in the morning, it was 1am... after the cops left he broke down crying, shaking, saying he is just like his dad and asking why we didn't work and just crying so hard... he told me he didn't have those feelings for me anymore but he wants to have them still.. I told him we needed to break up if he felt that way... he told me he still loved me and he felt with help he could turn things around.. so I gave him another chance, and here we are 2 months later and same shit is going on.... it's a vicious cycle that has honestly made me feel suicidal even at times.

if he's simply unable to change or you've had enough then the one last hope may be counselling or simply being bold... we can't go on like this, I'm unhappy and things ned to change or we have to future. he'll either step up... or not...

I really appreciate all your responses, it is really nice to talk to someone about it who doesn't have a bias opinion ...

in the example above, he didn't have enough time to really change. he made need a longer time to know he could or has lost you to the point that it forces him to do something positive about it if he really wants things to work out

He won't step up, he will just mope and be a dick and try to make me jealous and make my life hell... he is awful .... he told me he wanted me to burn alive once.... ugh. Honestly I am done but part of me gets so unbelievably sad thinking about being alone, it's not even just without him, it's alone... and he also loves to tell me how awful, crazy, insecure I am and how all of this is my fault and as much as I know this isn't true it's hard to tell yourself that all the time, you know what I mean?