Keep doing what you are doing and eventually you will meet "Mr. Right." I know that is so "clich" but it's true. The more friends you make the more people you will meet through them. I hope this helps a little, I know it doesn't solve your problem right now though.

First of all I don't think there is anything wrong at all with being single for two years! I know lots of people who have been single that long. For the most part they are successful individuals have been focusing in their career. I was single in my late twenties/early thirties for 4 years. I never thought that anything was abnormal about me...I was just career focused and knew what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship. For me it is more normal to be single for a few years than to keep jumping from one bad relationship to another. Also, since you did have such a a bad painful breakup you are being more cautious...and just overall more smart and more protective with you heart. In the long run it will pay off...don't settle for something/someone that doesn't make you happy.

I had always said when I was ready to start dating again that I wouldn't do online dating (just not my preference) but that I would get out and enjoy life...doing things I like to do...and hopefully I would meet someone. I have three pups so thought about going to the dog park. Have you tried MeetUps.com? They are groups in your area that get together for different things...board games, book clubs, karaoke...you name it! I always said when I was ready I would try that. What better way to meet someone that you would have something in common with! Since you are new to your town this might be a great way to meet people in general. I did have one member here tell me that most of the people who participate in these MeetUps are women...but hey...who says one of those women won't have a brother who is perfect for you :)

But don't rush dating if you are not ready yet. If you are happy with your life just go about doing what makes you happy and don't worry about relationship status. You will find someone when the time is right!

There is no"normal" for this. Each person is different

I have a tendency to go for long periods of time between relationships. I don't know if some of it is that for the last 22 years I've been a single mom and often times had 2-3 jobs to make ends meet (I never received or went after child support...in a lot of ways it was easier to just do it myself) and my son was really involved in sports...often times two at the same time. I also coached his soccer team for 7 or 8 years so that was busy, too. I don't know if that contributed to me going for long periods in between relationships...maybe being a single mom and dealing with trying to date was too much. It was 3 years between my previous boyfriend and my now ex-bf. My son is in college so now it's just me. My last bf was fabulous (truly, he was) and I can't imagine spending 3 years alone again...but I can't imagine anyone else, either.
I think "normal" is really overrated and I'm not entirely sure it exists lol. I'd say you're doing the right thing and things will happen when they're supposed to. You're not settling for the first one that comes along which is great...obviously you're ok being on your own and that's so important. Like movingon46 said, eventually you will meet "Mr. Right."

I think two years is good. I strongly believe that for myself, it takes 18 months to truly get over a big life-changing event. From what I read here on DS, a lot of people seem to take that long. I think ending a LTR like yours is a major event and it took time to heal from that. I'm sorry you feel like you're not clicking with people. At least you are not rushing into getting serious with a rebound person. I think that is sort of "normal", but that doesn't make it right.

The season is coming to a close but I see in your profile you like sports. I don't know if that includes golf or not but if it does I know several guys, (me included), that miss out on playing couples night because we don't have a S/O. Maybe next year, if you golf, you could keep this in mind. I don't bowl so I don't know if there is a couple's night for bowling, I assume there is. If you join league then maybe you'd meet someone there.

I'm not sure what you are expecting along the lines of connection with your next b/f but to compare it to the one you had which was 7 years long will almost always come up on the shy side until a significant amount of time is spent with that person. I've dated 4 gals since my divorce, (which was 9 years ago), and one lived with me for a tad over 2 years. While we had a connection, it still wasn't comparable to my ex of 29 years.

I'm pretty old fashioned though. I think there is just some magic when the two become one. Pretty hard to compete against that.

I was actually going to post something similar tonight... I'm 26, and I've been single for over 3 years, and I'm sorely lacking friends in my area. I did not think I'd be single this long without my choosing to be, but it's happened. I did luck out and find two more men that I felt a "connection" with, but unfortunately they were both just out for sex. I did not meet either of those men online, though I did try online dating (nightmare!) I do think online dating kind of takes away the spark as it's so contrived and there's that pressure right from the get go to decide if you're a good match. I had some luck with MeetUp in meeting acquaintances and one of the men I clicked with, but it took quite a few tries before I met anyone I liked. Now I'm trying to think of ways to trick those acquaintances into being my close friends, lol.

I've started doing the things I've put off doing, waiting for a significant other (like traveling overseas) and have started preparing my finances and other documents as if I will be forever alone.

It does get me really down sometimes, so I try to focus on the things I can control. I'm even debating moving to a new apartment so I can get cats to help combat the loneliness (yes, I've reached cat lady stage).

I will admit though, that in the lonelier times, I do miss my ex. Not he himself, as he was a jerk, but the connection, and it does make me kind of grieve to think that I might never have that sort of bond with someone again. Plus one of the men I got attached to had children, and so I mourn the idea that I might not get that, either. I don't know, I've been struggling with it. I'm 26 but I feel 40+ (probably because all I've been able to get since my break up has been guys over the age of 35 - also an issue I did not anticipate when I was 23 and back on the market). Oh, I did get one 26 year old from online that was interested - but he was a drug addict and alcoholic.

So yeah, I can relate.

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words. It means a lot. I will definitely do more with the Meetups, because I think they are a great way to meet some like-minded people. I was actually thinking today about learning to play golf! So I will look into that as well.

I don't know why I am feeling so lonely today. Usually, I am happy and fine. I don't think too much about my ex anymore, until it comes to dating, and it makes me miss the connection we had. Not him, necessarily, just how well we 'got' each other.

I think part of the reason I am sad is because the guy I have been hanging out with shortly after I moved here is much more into what we have than I am. (In my previous post when I said I'd been on a few dates since moving here, I should've said I've been out with a few people. I've been out quite a few times with this guy). I am dreading having to end it, because I hate hurting people's feelings. I am pretty sure he was about to tell me he was falling in love with me the other night, but thankfully stopped short of that. I know what it's like to be on that end of things, I've definitely been there before. He's a very nice person, but now that we know each other, I do not feel the romantic connection. It's hard when someone else has to pay for your mistake. I shouldn't have dated anyone so quickly after moving here, and I should've let him know already that it wasn't going to go anywhere. I've had an inkling for a while, but this weekend really cemented it for me. We just aren't on the same page.

There are so many times I've gotten on here and told people the same thing: you will find the right person for you. I almost always believe that for myself, and deep down, I know it's true. I guess having really only one relationship my entire adult life, and that failing, makes me question things sometimes. It does get lonely. I don't have children, am 2,000 miles away from my family and friends, and am shy by nature. But I chose to move all the way to Idaho and live a more relaxed lifestyle and be around people who have similar interests, so I don't mean to complain about my life, because I consciously made these choices. I guess it's natural to get discouraged every now and then. That's why I love this board. It has really, really helped me, not only to cheer up when I'm sad, but to do a lot of self-analysis, which has been great for me.

Thanks again, you guys. :)

there is no "the one"
there is no meant to be together

there are people out there that get that love has up and downs, easy & work,
....if the worst thing about the person you are committed to is ......
are we happy or do we need more
can we see that the other is committed, do we show ours

but "the one" what does that mean?
the one for you, how about you for the the one
i'm not picking on you keelyc, your posts and replies are not self centered
i am jumping on the expression "the one" probably because i don't get it
and as a sad haha, after 27 years together suddenly "i was't the one"
sorry to vent on your post --- bad night with no sleep ahead

Keelyc I know what you mean. It took a full year of grieving for me. That was the end of June. Since then I have decided Im ready to get out there and date, but yet I can not find anyone that I am interested in. Im doing the online thing and am getting quite a few messages from men, but not interested in any of them.

I am starting to wonder if I will ever find anyone. Ive never had issues in the past with men. Now that Ive dealt with my biggest fear of being alone and am ready to finally meet someone, they all went into hiding.

I, and I hope you do too, still hold onto hope. I keep telling myself that when its time to meet someone it will just happen, we will somehow cross paths. Until then, we just live our lives. Good luck to you!!!!!

When you're in a relationship for a while, there is a combined history that creates a narrative to your life. Your daily perspective is shaped by the context of your mutual memories.

It is difficult to create that "something" out of "nothing." And that is what you are trying to do (both in regards to making friends AND to finding another suitable boyfriend). Add to that the issue of needing to have "chemistry" with a new person, ON TOP OF you being new to the bustling metropolis of... Idaho?? Those are the obstacles you've set up for yourself.

A bowling league is a great idea! Provided your cool with hanging out with people who bowl. And really, who is? (Full disclosure: I bowl).

Can you meet people through work? Can you volunteer at the local animal shelter? Do you run? Train for a race and you're apt to meet a bunch of people. At the gym? ("Hey, can you spot me while I bench press?")

Just getting out of a twenty year long relationship since I was eighteen, I know what your saying. I am working on my issues so when I am ready I will be able to make a wise decision regarding the next "one". If you jump too soon you tend to overlook things... You seem to know what you are looking for though, stick to your guns , someone will be along eventually.... When you least expect it.

Join groups, anything you are interested in. Especially singles groups. Remember, when you become the best you, you can be and are completely comfortable being alone, you will attract like minded, healthy people. You are young, enjoy life and your partner will find you! Peace

I feel exactly the same way you do. I'm only at the beginnging stages of leaving my husband (moving tomorrow). but we have been together for 6 years from the time I was 23 to 29 and he's the only "real" relationship I've ever had. Only person I've ever lived with and truly my best friend. Unfortunately while I think we would have made lifelong friends, we were never meant to be married I fear. But I have all the same issues as you. I have a hard time finding friends, so how the heck am I going to find another man to connect with? And me and my husband really do connect on an intelligent level and we can talk for hours about politics, life, etc. I do feel very sad that I am walking away from that, but I am trying to believe there are others out there like that that will also be respectful and not verbally abusive who I can build a life that I feel safe in emotionally.

I feel ya though. Reading your post is exactly how I feel like I will be once the clouds pass over me and I'm trying to move on with someone else in a few years. Good Luck to you. I used Meetup as well when I moved to a new city years ago and met some nice people! Work and School have taken over my life, but I would recommend that site for sure!

i dont think normal or abnormal is the right words to use in this instance because it is based on individual preferences.
there are pros and cons having a relationship and these factors also depends on individual's personality, views/beliefs regarding the relationship and the person involved.
Its a choice not an obligation/requirement as human being ( although many ppl are in a relationship and becasue they are afraid of being alone, they quickly look for another one to go into relationship with when the other relationship failes or could be becasue they are just following what majority of ppl are doing (in this case looking for another relationship) without asking themselves for their own personal opinion/wants regarding relationship (getting in touch within themselves, knowing oneself, understanding the reality/nature of the relationship and try to make a choice that are best suited to them personally so that regrets/mistakes are kept to minimum.
....(having said that, mistakes are not necessary all bad as long as ppl learn from it and use it in future decision so that at least the mistakes are not repeated however, its hard to learn from an experience especially when one go through them in person and get their feelings involved. its easier to learn when one see the event/situation as third person point of view, but this is difficult to do when one gets too involved in a situation. also another thing that needs to be considered is that ppl's perspective in things changes when they go through certain event. the more bitter/negative the experience is, the more their attitude/perspective change in a bitter/negative ways which then ofcourse effects their whole life regardless of what life actually throw at them.
I met some ppl who had this attitude of making a mistakes (deliberatly going into unknown) for the sake of learning something (they have this "no pain, no gain" attitude) and the feeling of excitment it gives off. although its true that if ppl give themselves enough time after making a mistake, they can learn things so that they can make a better decision in the future but its not only difficult to learn through this method but also (dependeing on the experience) the experience can change the person's perspective (their own personal intake on things) and hence their life. So what im trying to say is, when making a decision (big decision that will change/effect your life, like relationship, jobs etc... not something like what to eat tomorrow or to wear etc....), ppl should be conscious/mindful/rational and do their best (know themselves, do some research on the choices, be realitic etc....) so that chances of regrets are minimized (avoid things that can results in very bitter/negative experience as these are difficult to learn and it can change ppl in a bitter way and hence their whole life).

Having said all that, relationship is just "one" of many experiences in this world and they are definitely not the whole world (not the only thing that this life/world has to offer)