Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Oh man, i feel the same way i did in the beginning of the separation.
I had been doing so good but i was stupid enough to start contact with him again. I know i shouldn't have...i regret it so much. I asked him to please sit and talk to me, that i didn't want things to end like this. He still refuses to see me since the day he left. He wont face me...I guess he has always been a coward.
All i have done today is cry and sleep. I know you guys must be tired of hearing me ramble....but please someone tell me how can someone change so much? He doesn't even want to try...he told me that he is 100% sure that this is what he wants.
I am not strong enough for this. I am and have always been such an emotional person, i cannot endure this pain. All i do is pray to God that one day I wont wake up. I don't want to feel this pain any longer.
The only things that gets me through is thinking how crazy he was. Two days before he left, i was still trying to make him stay. I would cook his favorite meals, even offered to give him massages...and he would agree! I mean...why would he allow me to do these things if he was planning on leaving me 2 days later? who does this? there is no regret and no remorse for what he did;
Its not fair, i dont deserve it. I deserved to be loved and cared for. ITS NOT FAIR, MY MARRIAGE FAILED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO.
I had been doing so good but i was stupid enough to start contact with him again. I know i shouldn't have...i regret it so much. I asked him to please sit and talk to me, that i didn't want things to end like this. He still refuses to see me since the day he left. He wont face me...I guess he has always been a coward.
All i have done today is cry and sleep. I know you guys must be tired of hearing me ramble....but please someone tell me how can someone change so much? He doesn't even want to try...he told me that he is 100% sure that this is what he wants.
I am not strong enough for this. I am and have always been such an emotional person, i cannot endure this pain. All i do is pray to God that one day I wont wake up. I don't want to feel this pain any longer.
The only things that gets me through is thinking how crazy he was. Two days before he left, i was still trying to make him stay. I would cook his favorite meals, even offered to give him massages...and he would agree! I mean...why would he allow me to do these things if he was planning on leaving me 2 days later? who does this? there is no regret and no remorse for what he did;
Its not fair, i dont deserve it. I deserved to be loved and cared for. ITS NOT FAIR, MY MARRIAGE FAILED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO.
and i was remembering how after so much being told hard things because it was my abusive partner giving me "tough love" that I was in big need of empathy, a soft place finally to land, with people who were compassionate so i could get myself together
that a bunch of hard voices offering "tough love" and telling me what to think and what to do and all the things that were wrong with me, actually slowed my particular progress down, it was too much like where i had just broken free from
so my thoughts are, different people need different things, and those who know are ahead of the game, those who can recognize and answer the request ahead of the game too
being contactful with each other is when magic happens between human beings, well, its always looked like magic to me :)
good luck J
I can't recall exact moments back then, but I do remember there being a time when my life was consumed with my marriage. I was a robot, going through the motions. My son became my biggest motivation because, even though I wanted to curl up, listen to sad music, and sleep...I couldn't.
I remember there being a time when I had to actually tell myself NOT to text my X. I gave my phone to a coworker during the day so I wouldn't feel compelled to text. Then...all of a sudden...days went by...then weeks...and I had come to a place where he wasn't my every thought; where I had to coexist with him because of our son, but he, as a husband ,was no longer my number one. I brought him down from the pedestal I had him on.
I remember trying to cook dinners...wear certain colors...etc, etc...anything that would "get him back". The thing was, I loved him. I loved marriage, I loved us.
So, I hear you. I hear your pain. had I not had people in my corner to help me through navigating this mess, I don't know if I would've come out as capable and "ahead" as I feel now.
Don't beat yourself up. Ending marriages...no matter what the circumstances...is not an easy decision.
HUGS!
Oh yes, I remember that. I remember knowing I had to reconcile my feelings in that matter, meaning, I had to accept that, while I didn't understand it or like it, he did, in fact, not want US anymore.
When we divorced, he literally handed me our life on a platter. We didn't argue, fight, or anything. I wanted primary physical custody of our son, and he said OK. I wanted to keep our house because it's where my son has been getting raised, and he said OK. He didn't fight me on or argue anything...just handed it all over.
I can't tell you how or when it won't matter to you that he doesn't care, but I can tell you that, one day, you will get there. I know, as I embraced my singlehood, I realized things that were better: One, I was already a single mom because I was constantly the babysitter (for lack of a better term), bill payer, housekeeper, etc. I was "Old reliable" while he played softball, went to concerts, cheated...basically while he lived like a bachelor while I took care of the "couple, married" stuff. When I became single, it was a relief. I no longer have to wonder where he is or who he's with. I know I have "alone" time because the law requires my X to take our son on his days. I don't have to argue about how impractical a brand-new camaro would be on our salaries. It's simply not my problem any more.
I promise you will get there. Once your life evolves, and you fill those empty voids with positve things for YOU, he will become a blip on your radar.
You have been a member since April 23,2012.
I am so very sorry you are in so much pain. I really hope you will be able to find a distraction that will take your mind off of this.
There has GOT to be someone out there that you will find that will treat you so very much better. I say keep the hope and the faith in yourself and hopefully someday after you find your real soul mate you will look back on this and actually be glad.
I know I'm reaching, but it could happen.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I don't say this often, I normally prefer to not publicly point out and allow people to draw their own conclusions because its people learn things better when they come to their own epiphany...but - you're WRONG. Accept it.
I guess Msgd has had another identity as well. It's confusing to keep up with the various identities of members. As I mentioned, I really don't give a crap about who is who. What I care about is the harsh and insensitive advise given to a newcomer in pain.
If you open your eyes a bit, rather than trying to get into a pissing match, you will completely understand what my motive was from the beginning.
You'll also remember Dumpee who was trying to get her name changed to Victorious, but she was having some trouble and MSgtD posted on the board to help her. I've been thinking for a while now of changing my name to ATGB to shorten it, but haven't made up my mind.
You're on someone else's post just farting in the wind. Let it go now.
No sorry, don't know it. It's hard enough to remember all of the members, never mind name changes.
"You'll also remember Dumpee who was trying to get her name changed to Victorious, but she was having some trouble and MSgtD posted on the board to help her."
No, I have no idea about this either.
" I've been thinking for a while now of changing my name to ATGB to shorten it, but haven't made up my mind. "
For what purpose, to confuse more people?
"You're on someone else's post just farting in the wind. Let it go now. "
Precisely, and I am not the lone farter here or you wouldn't be posting this defensive nonsense.
In fact, when you search the discussions, only ONE other member has....and only ONCE.....
DRUM ROLL.....MSgt was the only other one!
What a remarkable coincidence. I suppose you have been friends for so long that you are beginning to sound like the same person.
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MSgtD
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Reply #4 - 11/13/12 11:35am
" I really can't make an accurate assessment without knowing the nature of the crime.
It could go from him farting in bed, to leaving you tied up in the house for days? Where are we at here? "
I've been TryingToMakeIt since 2009. I've thought about changing my name before because I no longer am "trying" to make it...I feel like I've come out on the other side. I've also considered changing my little green bucket, but hell, it's me so I'm going to keep it. If I decided, for any reason to change my name, I would tell the Board as well so they would know it's me and not a Newbie. I've got four years of street cred on here, and have made good, online friends.
I'm not picking, but really, can't you guys take this to private messages so the OP can get responses about her issue?