stillbitter, you forgot to post as astimegoesby.

If you are going to use multiple identities, at least try to keep it consistant so we don't get confused.

Dear poster,

I am so sorry for all you have been through.

You have been through one of the most traumatic life experiences, so it's normal to feel as you do. It sucks, but it's normal.

Who cares what is normal anyway. You feel how you feel and everyone is different.

The one thing I find consistent is that most people improve over time. You just have to peek out of the rabbit hole, then keep clawing and grabbing until you are out. It's hard....but you will do it.

We all want to make sense of being cheated on or left. Usually there is no good answer if we ever discover it.

Your perspective and pain will change over time. You will heal and hopefully be better than you were before.

Please do not feel bad or guilty about feeling bad. We are here to empathize and support you.

I can relate to your pain. My ex-spouse did the same thing 2 years ago. I kissed her good-bye in the morning, and went to work. Upon coming home that afternoon, I found a protective order from the po;ice department, and a petition for divorce. I almost took my life. I got counseling, and relied heavily upon "God". People will tell you to just get over him, but there is no quick fix. " God" will see you through this! You have to protect yourself. Know that if he comes around again, this is only a quick fix, to fulfill some physical need of his, but that in truth, he will hurt you again. You have to allow yourself time to heal, and to mourn, just as you would a death! Divorce, and break-ups are a death. Find peace in yourself, and learn to again be happy, as you were before the marriage. Take confidence in the fact that while you are not seeing it now, " God" is carrying you just like the picture "Footprints in the Sand!" "God" helped me cope and get through the painful mess, and now I look at the pain I would have caused my children if I had taken my life! Know that after what your spouse did, that the emotional pain, and hurt is so bad, that you will never forget this, and the only answer is to sever the relationship and go your way. Otherwise, you will open the doors repeatedly to more pain, and will never have the trust you once had. " God wants you to be happy, and you will be if you trust in Him. Stay strong! spirit reader!

Faith can move mountains, but bring a shovel.

"I deserved to be loved and cared for."

So when are you going to start doing that for yourself?

You are of no value to anyone else, if you cannot take care of yourself first. ;)

@12. Keep doing precisely what you are doing, even though I know I don't have to tell you that.

Blind: Stillbitter and I are not the same person. Just because someone may agree in one respect doesn't mean they are the same person--so young, so angry, damn that Mickey Mouse music.

Nope. Two individuals. Facts before accusations.

I forgot to add, Blind, I remember you going off big time on my avator for some reason known to only you and D.S. removing that. Power down your jets.

Reply #22 - 08/05/13 10:56am

" Blind: Stillbitter and I are not the same person. Just because someone may agree in one respect doesn't mean they are the same person--so young, so angry, damn that Mickey Mouse music. "

stillbitt

Reply #22 - 08/05/13 10:56am
" Nope. Two individuals. Facts before accusations. "


Wow, what an interesting coincidence...you BOTH answered in the same minute! Ehh, I don't really give a crap.

I forgot to add, Blind, I remember you going off big time on my avator for some reason known to only you and D.S. removing that. Power down your jets.

Yea, it's disturbing...like your support.

Two different people, no question. You obviously care enough to keep posting about it. What good does that do anyone. I used to be premier on this board in bashing, hell we had a whole gang that used to engage in it. What purpose did it serve? No clue.

Everyone has different ways of advising people. Personally, I'd prefer the way ATGB advises, as she does her research on who she's advising to give the best advice possible, and quite possibly call them on some bullshit.

STAJ, I have known for years, cuts right through the drama, and gets right to the point. Brash? Yes. Effective? Yes. A million years ago, I was dishing it the same way she does now. 80% of the people, after months came back to me and said something along the lines of, "You said what I needed to hear, when I didn't want to hear it, thanks!". Was I always on the mark? Pfft. Hardly. I think I lucked into giving my best advice, and gave so-so when I really tried.

I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong, and I get where everyone is coming from. Bottom line, If you don't like the advice people are shucking, or the way it's delivered, don't take it.

End of the day - it's irrelevant who "likes" me or not. I tend to do what I need to to ensure I'm as unlikable as possible actually. Not real sure how I offended you personally blindsided, maybe I shot you down in a previous incarnation. I'm pretty hot you know. Don't allow your nattering on to overshadow people's posts. Want to deal with me? Take it to a neutral post, not here.

In reference to MY original response and keeping it on topic - the OP was upset that a user was not being empathetic. None of us are obligated to be such. Marriages fail due to one person...two people, a thousand reasons. If two people aren't willing to work and fix something, then it can't be fixed. Not the posters "fault" but not going to pat everyone on the head and tell them they're right, rainbows, hearts, candies and unicorns. Bad shit happens, you deal with it or you don't. She tried and it didn't work. It's okay to feel as, but not entirely responsible.

Someone once said / "This is a support group, not a BLIND support group".

I feel your pain, because that is exactly how I am feeling. I feel immensely saddened , abandoned, rejected, and unloved. This pain is beyond comprehension; specially since I'm still in love with my husband. I never imagined we would be going through a separation and in route towards divorce. I feel helpless and alone. I am a strong woman and have survived a lot, but this emotional toll is getting the best of me. My heart and bones ache, and my light is dark. I don't know how I am going to get through this.

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate everyone's input in here and I am so sorry if I started something. I was just very vulnerable in the moment. Thank you all so much. Getting out of work and seeing I had so many replies made my day. I am on my way right now to file for divorce. I have waited for him to make every move but this time I don't want to anticipate his next step.

I pray that I will get over this and that this doesn't affect me in any chances I have to be happy in the future.

He is a dirtbag. Left me with all the memories, I have to get rid of all the pictures, the letters, meanwhile he got to walk out... And not have anything holding him back.

I know it's perhaps hard for some to see why I am still stuck on this. It hasn't really been two months. And what drives me crazy is that he wasn't like this! I swear it was a switch, a switch that I will never get to understand.

We all here have to stick together!

J

those times when you feel vulnerable are common to all of us I think

and I think knowing what you need and asking for it during those times is a valuable skill to take with you into your future relationship

having someone who hears your request and offer it to you, sacrificing their own need in that moment, is a treasure