Hi Jgarc: I don't know that you would absorb and believe what we tell you. I think if you are still wondering and can't get accept it, then it is time to see a therapist.

Also, if you start with this "I'm not strong enough for this" you know that's a crock. You're not a child, but are an adult and times aren't always good times. We all go through bad times too. It's part of life.

You're not going through anything that the rest of us didn't go through. Come on.

I do absorb all of the advice you guys have given me. But this cut is fresh...and perhaps you can remember how hard it was for you when you first started. This is just the way I feel...and I cant help it. I could choose to keep it all in, or come here and voice it, I have chosen to be honest with everything i feel, even if i sound ridiculous

Sweetheart, please believe me when I tell you that given some time you will start to feel better. I know exactly how you feel cause I was there too. I know it hurts. It hurts like hell. Like you, I wanted to die. This was absolutely the worst thing that I have ever been through. Almost three months later I am still here. My life is still going on. I am slowly picking up the pieces. Please, please find yourself a support group or a therapist where you live. At least promise me that if you start thinking about doing something to harm yourself you will go to the nearest emergency room. I know what you're feeling. I know it isn't easy. IT WILL GET BETTER. Please believe that.

KAW,thank you so much. I promise. i can literally feel my heart in pain

I don't know your whole situation, but please check into the fact that he might be a narcissist. It's not a normal break off when they are. It is an addiction and super hard to get over. Just a thought>
Hang in there. We are all stronger than we realize.

Jgarc: I remember going through divorce and I had a crazy violent husband to deal with and a young son to protect. I also had the big boss that was my main boss where I worked that had no sympathy or empathy for anyone so I had to work full time and be spot on and remember everything about cases and information and be sharp as a tack on it all. I wasn't given a break because I was separated and divorcing and if I needed a break, he would have fired me.

I would come home to a child that needed my love and care and I couldn't take away his time to be a crying mess. I couldn't do the "why me" or "why did he change" or "it's not fair" and instead I had to tell myself "he's a jerk" and "I will survive" and get going for the day with my son.

I had to deal with my husband during divorce when he showed up at my front door on Friday night with a police officer and he threatened me in front of the police officer. That led to the officer being a witness and him being served with a protective order that night and court scheduled on Monday morning. The judge wasn't happy with him Monday morning and hit him hard.

My husband also called my work sub-level boss at his home and wanted to know if I was having an affair with him. I got called into his office the next day and I was shocked and had to sit down. He was gracious and I wasn't getting fired. If my husband had called the big boss, I would have lost my job. Anyway, that call to my sub-boss went to the judge for him to rule and he came down hard on my husband.

When my son and I took a 4 day weekend for a vacation and went away, my husband kept calling into my employer's demanding to know where I was and they wouldn't tell him. They put the place on lockdown because they believed he was coming there because he was so mad.

I DO SO REMEMBER GOING THROUGH DIVORCE AND IT WILL TAKE UNTIL I DIE BEFORE I FORGET. But I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart like some overly soft cupcake, because I couldn't allow it and too much was going on. I needed my job so bad to pay for food, housing, expenses, my car, my son's medical visits to the allergist and everything. My son needed me and also needed to see me in a strong role where I could handle anything that happened including a crisis (and he saw that), I had to be on alert for my crazy husband and I even had to sell the home we owned jointly by myself.

You have a long way to go to get through this divorce and your divorce hasn't even started. If you are still asking yourself how could he change so much, after almost 2 months, and you're calling him when he doesn't want to see you and doesn't want to talk to you, that's more than venting here and it's not helping YOU. You're not facing that he has left you, he's gone and put a fork in it because you two are done and the marriage is over and divorce is coming. That's why a therapist has been suggested. HE's getting on with his life; you are stuck. Take care and many hugs.

He doesn't know how to get honest and more importantly how to truly love. He'll regret this when he wakes up and figures out what he lost. Don't blame yourself. Yes each of us had to take an inventory on the relationship. This isn't the time to do this for you. Mourn and take care of practical matters.

Astimegoesby: I have always appreciated your words and advice but i must say that your previous comment was really hurtful. I am so glad you were strong during your divorce, unfortunately not everyone is that same way. I come here because I have no one else to talk to without feeling judged. Please understand everyone heals at their own pace, everyone has their own story...I know you are giving me a big "wake up" cal. But please be a bit more empathetic.

Don't feel bad about this "so called" mistake you made that opened the same wound. You are going through a very emotional time, and emotions are running high, which means, you probably will make mistakes......You are not perfect. Trying to figure out "why" continues to be your inflicting pain, my inflicting pain, and I am sure numerous others on this site. We just want to know the answers!!!! My wife left me a week after sending me flowers to my work place. Let's just say, a P.E. coach getting flowers at work was a little strange, but it showed her love towards me and that is how I took it. A week later, here is my ring and I just can't do this anymore?????

Yes, we are and we will continue to want answers to our spouses decisions. We must also realize that these so called "loved ones" are sick. I absolutely without a doubt believe my wife is either Bi-polar, Narcissist, or taken by satan....maybe all three?? So sitting here day after day, night after night trying to wonder why...I am just not going to get the answer anytime soon. Please do me one favor, stop praying to God to take your life.....He will take your life when it is your time, and your time is not now and I don't believe anytime soon. I cry, and I cry, and I cry........remember I am a P.E. coach...........just hope my students never go on this site. The point is, we are human!!!! So don't feel ashamed or don't feel pressure to "move on." You need to heal and everyone heals differently. It may take you 12 months or it might take you 12 years......one thing is we do have a "say" in our recovery. My wife is coping with our divorce by drinking, smoking, Facebook, no church, no God, and lots and lots of boyfriends. I guess she is in no rush to recover, even though she thinks that she is healing...she is only causing more damage. Take one step at a time, and one second at a time. You will make more mistakes along the way and you will keep learning from these mistakes. You have plenty of people on this site that are going through your pain and plenty of people that are here for you..........keep the faith and get back up and take a step forward. Last week, I took a step forward in my recovery, but got kicked 10 steps back....sucks but I have to get up and take another step forward. They are divorcing us which means they are in control and that is the sucky part, nothing we can do about it. They will wake up one day, not anytime soon, and they will say "What did I do?" We will have moved on and they will live with that pain and it will be greater than our current pain for the remainder of their lives. My prayers and hugs go out to you. God Bless you.

mgilles44 = Thank you Thank you.
Your comment made me laugh...i think they really have been taken by Satan. I pray that is doesnt take me 12 years!!! its just hard you know...i could imagine it came to you as a shock as well when your wife left. Its just crazy how evil they can be...You know whats so sad...the day he left he left a garbage bag near the door...and when i looked in it, all the letters i had given him were there. He obviously wanted me to see them. How cruel is that?

You are right, we will never get answers. I want to find a way to get closure on my own.

I thank you all for the support.

Would a diabetic refuse a sweet treat? The question....."why would he allow" should he changed in my opinion....."why would you allow him to keep taking from you when you are getting nothing in return for it?.......I do understand the pain and the misery of it all. I actually get physically ill some days and suffer from migraines. I think we all change throughout our life except who we are at our core and some can embrace it better than others and I have a feeling that ASTIMEGOESBY........has often needed a soft place to fall but it just hasn't been there and that's what has made her strong and independant ;-).....and while she may not do it in a very empathetic way...she may just want to piss you off so you get out of bed in the morning and do what you need to do despite the misery :;-).....she is the kick in the pants that is needed here (that never really feels good does it....makes us grumpy when people give harsh replies when we are in pain)...I think she really does mean well though :-)

Honey - nobody HAS to be empathetic. I can be the nastiest hard core straight shooting bitch around, not thought of as NICE but I promise I'll be honest.

Charliegirl- Yea I definitely agree, her comments have sometimes been the reason why i say "F+++ him"! definitely empowering at times. Just feeling extra vulnerable today, we all have those days. I know she means well.

This song makes me feel hopeful, I just wanted to share it


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMn5...

I understand that you are mourning the loss of your marriage. I feel the pain that you are experiencing. I probably still cry almost daily over the disolving of my relationship with my fiance. But, don't give your ex this power over you. Do your mourning in private. A big step in the healing process is for you to take power over what he is doing to you. He can only hurt you if you allow him to. Try and remember that this is not about you but about him. It is nothing that you have done to cause this. He is able to handle the emotion better than you because he has probably been pulling away from you for a long time, and he is the one with the power. Try and remain no contact, if that is the only way you can not relinquish the power to him. (I know I am rambling, I had an awful weekend and my head is racing with anger, fear, resentment, sadness, etc)