Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
In a horrible situation desperately need advice...
I was married in my twenties and had my daughter whom I love and adore. My first wife got married too young and I wasn’t great in a relationship either she eventually walked out on me and my daughter. I stepped up and received full custody and raised my daughter. We moved out West to Utah a few years later to start a new life and I went about finding a family/spouse so my daughter could have that valuable female figure in her life.
I met my new wife at 37 and she had one child who was 4 years older then mine. She had a troubled past, had been married 3 times and she walked out on each of them (claims they were all really bad men, cheating on her etc), had a horribly abusive father in her childhood, had gotten pregnant and given up two kids for adoption. But she had pulled her life together, said she’d had therapy to forgive her father, had a degree in child psychology and seemed like a wonderful person. Plus, she was ready for a good guy in her life and was fairly aggressive for us to get married and move in with each other.
At first she was great with my daughter as it pertained to structure and discipline (i felt we complimented each other well with parenting) which she needed but slowly she seemed to withdrawal from both of us in little ways emotionally. My daughter and I were both active and she wanted to stay home and pretty much do nothing. She had bad social anxiety. The sex was pretty bad too from the beginning. She would do it if she had to but you could tell she didn’t enjoy it, was extremely cold and there were times she actively avoided it. By year 4 we hit a tough spot where she seemed to totally withdrawal from us so I kind of did on some level as well. That being said we did have some wonderful family moments together and I embraced and loved her daughter.
Well Covid hit and I certainly had a hard time with the lockdowns. We had a family trip planned that got cancelled and I had ended up doing a variation of it with my daughter two months later because I was bringing her to her moms in the summer anyway and I needed to get out of the house. No matter how hard I tried my wife wouldn’t plan to come with us she had other things going on with her daughters cheer. So I went. During this trip I got a text from my wife saying marriage was over and she’s moving out. No matter what I said she told me she’d made her mind up and nothing would change it. This was a women who once told me I was the greatest blessing that’s ever happened to her.
To shorten this up I convinced her to stay in the home as a roommate so she wouldn’t just abandon me and my child (I thought I could change things when I got home). She agreed but has been nothing but aloof with me since we came home. Overnight I turned into an acquaintance she barely knows.
I’m extremely bitter. I passed over other women at the time and took a chance on her because I loved her and felt the red flags were behind her. I feel like this has something to do with her past and there’s nothing I can do to change it. My life is now in a constant state of despair and misery. I’m so worried about my daughter as well. Anyone have insight into this situation? How are some people able to emotionally disconnect like this? I never got a chance to fix anything, she never told me anything was wrong? I know we had a rough patch but I was actively trying to fix it. I would have changed anything to make her happy.
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
-
I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
You said you would have done anything to make her happy. But what about YOU being happy for a change? Doing the things you want to do, being with who you really want to be with?
Sadly, you are going to have to let her go. Making her stay there as a roommate is not helping the situation with your two daughters. I am sure your daughters are old enough to understand what divorce is.
I would strongly suggest you get into individual counseling. You have been through a lot. A therapist can help you sort out these feelings. Also, keep a private journal and write write write. Get out those thoughts and feelings. There are some good break up and divorce books on Amazon, too.
Good luck.
Focus on yourself and your child.
Listen to our child, and to yourself.
You can not fix anyone but yourself, just be the best version of you you can be.
My kids were also a bit shocked but they were able to adapt quickly. My advice to you is to look strong infant of your daughter... they will be fine as long as they see you are doing ok.... you may be dying inside but do not show this face to your kid... it will only worry them.
My recent breakup has forced me into a journey to learn to love myself... it has been difficult and very lonely but I am getting stronger as time passes.... and so will you!
As many have said before, get help! Therapist, friends, relatives... you will need a support network to help you on those days that you fall on your knees.
Let her go... those that chose to walk out on us... are not meant to be with us. I once saw quote which said something like this "Even in the best version of yourself, you will never be enough for the wrong person BUT in your worst you may be priceless for the right person"....
I know there is someone better for me out there as there is someone much better for you. Someone that will appreciate you for who you are.... don't let the past sabotage your future.
Best of luck and stay strong!
Greg