I think it definitely can be traumatic experience (what Czarna mentioned). Not matter what the details of each story, we were all going along one way in our life, sometimes for many many years, and then boom, our life turns in a different direction. Or maybe even you don't have any idea what direction it's going to go in next. We have to readjust all our thinking of where we're going, who were are, who our family is, who our best friends are, how we are going to take care of ourselves, on and on.

I went through all last year at work like a robot. I felt as if my face was frozen and my fake smiles felt bizarre. I said I felt fine so many times when I didn't that it was ridiculous. Then everyone would say how much they were looking forward to vacations and weekends, when I was dreading them.

If you can't get on meds or to a therapist, be sure to keep reading here anyway, and there are other good websites with helpful information, and also books. You don't need to lie on here! I haven't gotten past the orange DS face yet (am mostly on red)--but no one has kicked me off DS for that! Take care.

I hear ya D. I have been feeling that way lately myself and I too have no insurance to pay for therapy or meds if I need them.

Hang in there.

Hugs.

Therapy and medication is the ONLY way to control depression. How soon before you can get insurance? Check your local Children and Family Services office. Many times they have programs you can get on for free. Or they can recommend mental health professionals that take patients without insurance on a sliding scale.

I'm so glad your friend talked you into opening up. I've been where you are, most of us have. It's a dark place, but there are plenty of people making it out to the other side. You will too. My kids are what pulled me through too.

Options will start opening up. We're all here for you and there are plenty of people here with good advice.

I can't add much more than everyone else has, they all have great advice. SO I will just tell you how much I admire you and the strength you have shown for so long. I think that you held it together for so long, and the wall stayed up but any wall will eventually give if you apply enough pressure.
You certainly do not have to fake it with us - we know how hard it is. I am hoping that your friend can help you with some meds, one idea is that was passed on to me from my dr, (I still have ins until it is final) Was to contact the drug company or google perscription help.. many times they will help with meds for depression etc when you can not afford them.
Calling a women shelter might be a good place to get a list of resources too.

You don't have to be a domestic violence survivor for them to help you.

Anyway just some suggestions.
Hang in there sweetie Luv u
xoxoxoxo
~Janna

I think we have all gone through this feeling. From the time my ex asked for a divorce until it was final was only three months. I was angry the entire time. Now I think the "funk" is starting to set in.

If you are able make some positive changes in your life that will make you happy. I moved out of state, so I will be starting a brand new job next week. I'm really looking forward to it - hoping this will help with my healing.

Good luck to you......you will get through this. And DS is a great place to vent.

I know how you feel .... still now I get this feeling of hopelessness ... mostly for missing the life I had or wanted, but definitely NOT cus she isn't here anymore.

I think it is cus when you are close with someone, they become a part of your everyday life as well. So when they aren't there no more, that part of your life isn't either anymore. Kinda leaves you left with a big space of nothing ... nothing to do or anything ... could get anyone down.

You friend is right you should continue to reach out others.

I hope that you can get to enjoying life soon. All you can do is go through what you feel and handle it the best you know how.

OMG, I am so happy someone said it diemiis, I try to stay in the flow but feel exatly like you do.
Can't drag my ass out of the bed, depressed is the only way to explain it. Meds, I'm on them and not getting better. I can't force myself to visit with anyone, not even my kids and they are older. I feel so bad. I wish I could say something to help but can't help myself. Does help to know you are not alone.

Gezz, I wish we could heal

Lots of love

((((Diemjs))))) I agree that we have all had this feeling at one time or another.. It becomes a problem though when it does not go away and I agree with Jo that it is time to stop white knuckling it and get some help. You are grieving a death. The death of your hopes and dreams with this man. You have lost the future you thought you had. That person has changed that you once loved but your mind still sees the person you did love.. It is time to get some help, and today was a step in the right direction.. We love and care for you, and want you to heal.. Call your dr today please and get on the road to healing.. If one does not work for you as 1women mentioned in her post, try another. Here is a huge healing hug to you of strength, peace and comfort as you grieve and we grieve with you.. Love, Kimmee

I have felt like you too. I came out of it--you will too. One thing that truly helped me was counseling and no contact with the stbx. I read that you don't have insurance--check with you county to see if you can get help. There must be a program that could help you. Does you husband have insurance? If he does then you should still be covered by his insurance. Take care or yourself and keep talking--it really does help. We are here for you.

I understand completely. Although I would never kill myself I wish I was dead. Having just a a very close friend deal with the suicide of their son I know I never would do that (and seeing family deal with other deaths and the pain it causes) - but it seems death is the only relief - but then we don't know if it's worse on the other side...

i totally understand.. i gave my life and heart to a wonderful woman for 16 years and she threw me and my life away like a used kleenex. what my problem is the extreme loneliness. i have only 2 friends and i am their last resort. going to church hurts because it seems the whole church is coupled off, just like every where else. i have been divorced for 15 months and i still feel this way..i have even prayed that god would take me out of this world,but i have 2 precious children.some days its worse than others. i just get sick to death of the constant loneliness and heartache.. my ex got pregnant 7-8 weeks after our divorce and married about 2 months after that.here i am 46 and will spend the rest of my life like this.i tried a singles group at this big chirch about 20 miles from here but i felt like i was at a nursing home convention..this age is a bad age to start over..sorry you feel so bad, but trust me, you have a lot of company,unfortunately..hang in there

Hey Diemjs,

First of all, you are not a liar. You are someone who has endured an incredible hurt in your life and you're trying to deal with it. That's not lying, that's life.

I understand the whole "faking it" thing--Many times I'm at events with a smile on my face but I'm crying and sad inside. I also don't want to go back to my stbx, but am sad that all those dreams we shared will not happen.

I'm in therapy and taking meds for depression--they really do help. Check with your county mental health board (every county usually has one). They should be able to connect you to resources to help. Also search online for resources for free meds--maybe you qualify depending on your income.

I understand the tiredness--there are some days when I function very well (like Monday) and there are some days when I feel like plain old shit (like yesterday). It is normal. I've managed my depression for many years (note I say managed, not cured for this is an illness that I think never totally leaves us). When I have a down day, I simply move through as best I can, and then I begin a new day and try to break the funk.

Continue to talk to your friend and reach out for more friends (join a group, do volunteer work, ANYTHING to get you out into the world), vent on DS--if anyone understands your situation it's all of us here who are living it or have lived it.

Many on here are right--you seem to be having a delayed reaction to your pain--maybe PTSD but I'm not a doctor so I don't really know. I know many divorce books I'm reading talk about delayed emotional reactions to the divorce so I don't think what you're experiencing is unusual.

Sending you a BIG HUG! I hope you have a better day today.

Peace.

I faked it for a while. And then I had a break down.
It's important to honor your feelings. And to take care of yourself.
You need counseling. And maybe meds to help pull you out of the dark place you're in.

You will get through this and you will be okay. Glossing over how you feel will only make it worse.

Faking happiness is a pretty good habit to get into to. I did it at first as well and eventually you just get used to it and real happiness begins to fall in place.