Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
July 4, 2017 - what a fateful day!
The day my divorcing boyfriend broke up with me over some pictures I tore when I was angry. He broke up with me and proceeded to email me giving me ample explanations that started with: "I broke up with you because...", "...those were reasons enough to dump you ", "I needed to leave you". He used every variation he could find to make it clear that it's him who is doing the leaving. Very hurtful indeed. I was paralyzed with pain, in despair, and horribly depressed because of this hopeless the situation. I started therapy and tried to clean up my act. Declutter, rearranging furniture and eating healthy. Exercising and talking to friends. It wasn't until last Saturday when I came across an article about abandonment depression, that this pain is starting to make sense and resove itself. I had placed so much of my emotionally wellbeing under bf's care. If I felt good or bad, nurtured or neglected it's because of him. i no way to manage my own emotions. And now he has abandoned me. That realization that these are deeper issues that I need to heal from and that have little to do with him but from childhood emotional trauma made me cry and feel absolutely inconsolable. After 2 days of crying and journaling and intense anger and lethargy, I kind of got it.
I still miss him so much, and I know that we are not getting back together. But this is a great opportunity for me to use our brake up to explore the deeper issues that led me to start this dysfunctional relationship in the first place.
it's been 36 days and i am finally starting to see things clearer and work with the pain. i highly suggest othethrough the same, to find those unresolved issues that keep you hooked and work with them and grow from them. and i hope it will continue to get better.
thanks for listening.
Working on yourself is important. During a break up, we ALL feel its over for good, natural instinct . Why do you miss? The emotional abuse? Your going down the right path with seeking therapy and bettering yourself. because he is blaming you which is suspicious. And long lasting
As I recall, I was so depressed the first week, that he came over a couple of times because I was having, in his words "a meltdown". Then he emailed me that he wanted no contact for 3 weeks and that at the end of those 3 weeks he would "emerge fresh and ready to communicate". He left me feeling like there was some hope and we would have an open dialogue about our relationship. So I marked my calendar and set out to forget him in the event that the "dialogue" was more talk about breaking up. Indeed, 3 weeks passed and I felt better, but in the interim I had "violated the no contact agreement" -twice- and only just to tell him that I thought he was an asshole and other choice words. I was extremely angry. Not in love anymore exactly, but in pure rage, which by the afternoon/evening melted into pure grief (sobbing, in physical pain, the works). And then, the email he sent saying that I knew, as he did, that "in our bones" we don't belong together. Citing our communication incompatibility, different expectations, being from different "tribes" (he's Jewish, I'm hispanic), and being "having fundamentally different temperaments". So I did what I could to connect the dots of why I was having such a rough time letting go, and came up with old unresolved wounds that need to heal. I do feel better now, but I am still angry, I am still sad, I'm still missing him very much, but the difference is that I can function a little better now. I am not in bed like some kind of invalid letting life pass me by. I emailed him accepting the end of our relationship and resigned to move on, only to get a reply "it doesn't have to be so crazy and absolute, but I'll take your lead", leaving that window open, that sliver of hope which is designed to derail me and it did. I further belittled myself by saying, "well, we could just get together for sex, without the complications of a relationship", putting little value on myself and what I deserve in a man, and maybe confirming in his mind that I am not worth his emotional investment, because he never replied to that.
But I am feeling better now..