I''m right there with you. Mine told me last week and I still don't know what went so wrong with us. Do you know why he wants a divorce?

I'm so sorry Koko. We got married young-ish and he says he wants to be able to be by himself and do whatever he wants whenever he wants to. He just doesn't want to be married anymore and wants independence. What did your husband say his reasons are?

Dear kasharoo, I know too well what you are going through. My take on this type of person is that they don't know how to develop AND keep the attachment that forms in the beginning. They are shallow and empty people. And usually at the end of their life they end up alone. My heart goes out to you. I feel the same pain. I am alone in the States, since I am from Europe. I have no body to lean on. If you have family, talk to them. If you can afford therapy, go. I am full with so much hate at this moment, but I hear that even that will go away. I am sending you all of my love, since I have no one else to give it to.

Thank you for your love Tsveta. I'm sending mine back to you. I wish I could feel that way about him. But I know now that our marriage has led to him feeling like his whole self has been smothered and thats why he fell out of love with me and needs to get out. He's been feeling guilty for years. And I love him so much. I wish he was shallow and empty because then this would be so much easier.

Tsveta I'm so sorry that you don't have anyone near you that you can talk to. My family is broken and small, so even though they're in the same country as I am, I can't talk to them. But we can talk to each other and maybe we can make it through this because at least then we know we aren't alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was with her for 14 years and now it's over and it's so hard to deal with. You CAN do this. You have to believe in yourself and get support where you can. I have very few people I can talk to and no family, so today I talked to a pastor who was very kind to me. One day at a time.

I understand how you feel. My wife told me she did not love me and never had. We were married for 10 yrs. 1 month and 5 days. She was my first and only girlfriend. We dated in high school. She got pregnant when she was 15, couldn't marry the father, (he was married) so, I took the blame and the shame of getting her pregnant. When some tells you they do not love you, it does something inside and it takes a long time to heal. You came to a good place there are good people here who are going through a divorce or have been through it and learned to live and love again. Hang in here with us. We will support you any way we can.

Kasharoo, my wife did the same as your husband. She secretly set up an apartment and the told me she was leaving me, after 14 years of marriage, and two kids. She said she doesn't love me anymore. She prefers to live alone. She was withdrawn from the marriage for the last few years. I told her no matter how terrible things could be, I would never leave her and the kids. It is just not possible for me to even think about doing that. Yet, many here are suffering because our spouses had no trouble at all in leaving us and our homes. It creates such an empty feeling. A loss of the life you lived and committed to. It takes a bad person to put themselves before others, at any cost and consequence to their "loved one's".

so I make a lot more money than my husband since he is self employed and I took care of paying for pretty much everything. Every time i brought up that frustration he said I was unsupportive and all I care about was money. Last month he said that he did not love me but insisted he wasn't having an affair. Last week he said he wanted to separate because we were two different people just co-parenting. And that he was unhappy where his career is at and wants to do more and not stuck where he is.

I still don't understand it and he has given me little else by avoiding me all he can since then. He took the kids to his dad's for Thanksgiving and said he did not want me there. He knows I have not family here in the states but he just doesn't care.

Wow folks...so many of us hurting so terribly all in this one thread-my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you. My story is pretty similar to all of yours-nothing new add there but I think one poster really pinpointed what I see happening over and over again: "they don't know how to develop AND keep the attachment that forms in the beginning." It's a desire and maybe even a kind of skill to want a relationship to keep growing. I'm guilty of falling short of it myself but always knew the end should never be just because things got distant-just means more work needs done by both parties to keep things growing...making the marriage disposable isn't the answer.

Anyway, I took the breakup of a LTR from my college/post-college days terribly but even back then from the first day of the split something inside me said "I AM going to make it through this...with or without her...I AM going to make it." That was a period of pure hell and honestly I can't say I learned much from it all until now. The end of my marriage is worse than that other relationship yet the pain is just as bad. If there's a silver lining I already know I can get through this because I've been through similar hell before. One day at a time. We may never fully know why our spouse left us but it doesn't mean it's the end for us. Instead we should focus on healing ourselves and fulfilling a goal to get our lives back on track and to use the experience to make us stronger and believe it or not, better than we've ever been.

I'm so broken that cliches and the best wishes of the world can't help me. Time will heal. He's an ass. Whatever. I'm broken. I'm 44 and I feel like this is pretty much it for me.

Hang in there. It is very tough to go thru. I am going thru the same thing myself. Found out my wife was cheating on me back in July and we are going thru the divorce process. We have 2 young boys that she was quite comfotrable leaving with me so she could got out. Leave for days on end without even a call to check on the boys or even to just say good night. I have the boys and myself in counseling. All I have been putting up with for the last several months is lies and constantly trying to blame me for it all. It is sad that someone you thought you knew and were on the same page with in raising the kids. She had 2 kids from a previous relationship when I met her and I helped raise them as well. Her family does not even talk to her as she has isolated herself from her family. It sucks I have only hung in their because of the kids. I wish there was something I could do for everyone having to go through this type of situation. Just take it a second at a time, a minute at a time and just keep breathing.

Hi Kasharoo,

I know it sucks and the pain your are dealing with and going through. Doesn't matter how long the relationship was. I am still going through the recovery stage 15 months after my wife walking out on me. What you are feeling is normal, actually the only normalcy is that fact there isn't any at this stage. What I can tell you is feel what you are feeling, part of the grieving process is to accept and express the emotions you feel, do not hide or try to bury them. If anything you are just hurting yourself and you are dealing with enough pain as it is. What has happened to relationship has happened, eventhough one sided, as there is nothing you can do about it. Now it is about you and how to deal with the aftermath. For me, I still feel the pain, betrayal, emptiness and tears everyday but what I am not doing is dwelling on them, these feelings don't last as long as they use to. Be gentle with your self, nothing will feel normal but in time, I promise you this, it will. You are going to come out of this a different person, better person. Not going to feel like it now but you will. Have a read of my journals and posts if you wish.

Thank you so very much everybody. I'm sorry I'm so late responding when you all took the time out of your own lives and own pain to help me. This weekend was rough - I lost it a little on Thanksgiving. We had the whole family over and nobody knows about us yet and I broke a little under pressure at the end of the night. Then Friday instead of putting up my Christmas tree and shopping for the fam like I usually do, I went and opened up my own bank account. This is so hard. We have another counseling session on Wendesday and I'm so scared.

I really cannot express how much you all have helped me just by making me feel a little less alone. It's so hard to read your stories and see what people do to each other in this world. I still don't understand it. But I'm inspired by how we can all band together to try and come out whole on the other side.

It's difficult but you'll survive. My ex wife told me after 24 years she was leaving me and then piled on with all kinds of hurtful words like it never felt right in 24 years and blah blah then I found out she was having an affair with a family friend..(usually the case)..anyways it's been almost 3 years ago now and I'm much better off, better to get these cheaters and people who don't want to be with us gone and out of our lives, you'll see they were a drag and burden and caused a lot of stress when they were here. She wanted to stay and save money but after 3 weeks of her coming and going as she wanted I told her to leave which thankfully she did. Better to sever all ties and move on with our own lives and don't let those that want to be gone drag us down and hold us back. We get one life so don't waste a second on those that wanted out! It all works out.. :)