Dude, we all fuck up from time to time. No one on this board is June or Ward Cleaver.

Don't be so tough on yourself; you recognized what you did. Have you talked to your daughter about it?

You're human - and what you did was not right, but it was done for the right reasons. Talk to her, at her level. Are you still living with your wife?

I feel for you RMan, my kids witnessed the abuse in my marriage too. I thought I was protecting them, however I was not. My boys show the signs and effects of seeing that kind of behavior too. I feel a lot of remourse for what they went through. Even a yelling match within ear shot of children is considered abuse in my state. I did not know that until me and the kids ended up at the abuse shelter in my city. It will take a lot of love and PATIENCE to clean up the mess. But love your kids, and when you get angry, WALK away. hitting your kdis is never the right way to handle them no matter what they do. It just teaches them to hit when they are frustrated. Take time to regroup, catch your breath, and talk to your daughter. You will be ok.

The main thing is that you recognized what you did.

Our children hold the mirror up to our behavior. Sometimes it can be a great reminder of how NOT to behave. Does she get counseling? At school they should have a group, like a Banana Splits, that meets during lunch. Check with her School Counselor.

Talk to her about it. Acknowledge your mistake. Then discuss her mistake as well... You did not mess them up......we all make mistakes. We learn from them and move on....
You are a good person and a great dad.....
((Rman))

We all mess up (substitute "mess" for the "f" word and maybe your daughter will stop using it :) I remember spanking my kids when they were little and there was one incident with each that I totally regret because I spanked out of anger and not to discipline. Just talk to her and tell her you're sorry and that parents "mess" up, too and that you love her. Big hugs to ya!!!!!

This must have devestated you all around. Hearing and seeing your little girls behavior must have just shocked you - hence the reaction.

You know you over reacted, and that's SO important. Please don't berate yourself! This is a tough time for all.

How have you mended the situation?

sorry your day was rough rman. i know you are doing a lot right now. hugs to you my dear friend.

hey, my dad used to hit me with the belt.. pants down, over knew.. welts for DAYS. and i turned out ok. (sortof? haha) so don't beat yourself up.

your daughter is really acting out. boundries need to be set somehow...

i don't have kids so its easy for me to say this or that.. but know that i am here to listen and support you .

hang in there buddy.

Rman - I feel for you and for your daughter. I bet it was awful for both of you. Get down and visit with her, take responsibility and tell her you love her with all your heart. And if this relationship is getting to the point of violence - it is time to make some very hard decisions because what you are doing now is not working.

Much love my cyber friend---

Oh Rman, we all have had times when we have done something we regret. Being a parent is so hard at times. I hope you have taken your daughter in your arms and explained to her how much you love her. I have done this too. My son still likes to tell me of the time I smacked him for smart mouthing me, not a proud moment for me. I cried with him. I threw a glass of water in my little girls face when she was 5 to get her to stop fussing. We all have moments we want to take back. I learned to walk away from situations when I felt out of control. You reacted to a behavior that was really inappropriate. Let her know that grown ups screw up sometimes also. Tell you are sorry. I have great relationships with my kids, was I a perfect parent, no way. But I kept trying to be. Big hugs to you.

Rman, I have noticed you are always down on yourself about how you have "messed" up your children. You need to quit dwelling on what you have done in the past and focus on what you are doing now. You can't change what has happened and what they have witnessed, but you CAN change what they see now and in the future.
Hugs to you, I understand how difficult it is.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
M. Gandhi

Dude, we all say things and do things we regret.

One of my finest phrases was the phrase "You're the one that can't keep your tiny dick in your pants long enough to at least dump me before fucking your girlfriend".

Acknowledge your behaviour, but ensure that you make know that your behaviour in no means excuses hers.

Then realize you two cannot continue to reside under the same roof. The wife cannot demand you control the children when she cannot at that moment.

The positive thing in this is that you acknowledge what you did is wrong. You should talk to her and tell her that her behavior was not appropriate, but that you are sorry for how you handled it. She has to learn not to behave that way. You can show her that we all make mistakes, but we have to acknowledge them, and learn not to do them anymore. My stbx kept repeating his behavior with my daughter more so then my son, and she has no respect for him because he never acknowledge he was wrong, or took blame for anything is did, or does even now. . So in admitting that you feel bad, thats a good thing.

This is not the moment that will send her into the tower with a rifle.

xo dude.