Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife and I have been together for 22 years and married for 16. We have two wonderful little boys. In January I discovered she was talking to another man and we got into a fight after I accused her of cheating. That is when she said she wanted to leave. I have suffered from depression my entire adult life and she can not understand it. She said she wanted to leave in order to get away from my depression. I was emotionally absent and had been for some time. A few years ago she had an emotional affair with another man and when I discovered it it nearly broke me. I tried desperately then to overcome my personal problems but all I could talk about was the affair. I asked her to try couples counseling but she refused. After our fight in January she asked me for space while we were still living together. The whole time she kept talking to this other man. She swears to this day that it was a platonic relationship and there was no physical or romantic feelings going on. I tried my best to believe her. I told her that her relationship with him makes me feel cheated on. She did not stop. I was already severly depressed, my wife told me she wanted to leave me and now I am feeling cheated on. Not to mention severly heart broken. Needless to say I was in a very poor emotional and mental health state. I was having panic attacks and couldn't sleep. Every time I tried talking to her about our relationship she would literally scream at me about everything I had done wrong in our marriage. Despite my dire situation I got help through family and therapy. I'm mentally stronger today than I have been in almost 15 years but I'm hurting so much I'm on the verge of falling apart at any moment. She moved out in March and promised after she had some space and time to heal we would go to counseling. I tried to give her the space she needed but she kept talking to this man and it was killing me inside. Eventually she agreed to go to counseling but did not like the fact the counselor would side with me and be empathetic about my struggles with depression. After 3 sessions she decided to stop. Recently I discover she is talking to multiple men. I confronted her and she admits to flirting with them. I told her that flirting with other men like she is doing is still infidelity. She disagrees and says they are only friends. My wife is a wonderful, giving and outgoing person and I love her with all of my being. She is so giving that she does it to the point of hurting herself and not telling others when she feels hurt. Now it has gotten to a point that she has built up so much resentment towards the people that love her that she is acting out. I love my family. I love my wife. I want to be with her. I have prayed every night to God to soften her heart and guide her to do the right thing. I needed a wake-up call to help me see how I was really acting. I was acting like a victim of my emotional state and couldn't see that I had the power to change it. The night she told me she wanted to leave was my wake up call. I didn't realize just how selfish and self centered I had been our entire marriage. I have spent this whole time since January trying to change my outlook on life and see that I am not a victim of my mental health. I have come so far but she can not see it. I can not show it to her because of the pain I feel every time I think about her flirting with other men. I'm stuck in this feeling of being in love with someone who is hurting me. I can't change how I feel about her but I also can't change what she is doing. She has agreed to try counseling again but I don't know if I should. I know in my heart that if she could let go of her resentment she hads towards me we can rebuild our marriage stronger than it has ever been. I am a different person because of this. I just wish she could see it.
-
I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
-
For her to even bring up your depression is a really low blow. Many people have mental health issues, and what they need is a caring, kind and supportive partner. Not like your wife, who is talking to, seeing, sleeping with, other men outside of her marriage to you. She should have been by your side, helping you to deal with your depression (which can be caused by a biological chemical imbalance, and is NOT your fault).
I would suggest looking into "co-dependency". You seem to be making excuses for her inexcusable behaviors. What she is doing, and has been doing is WRONG. It's also mean. You say she is this "good person"... I disagree.
Like you said, what good would counseling do now.... she already tried 3 whole sessions (sarcasm) and blamed everything on you. She has moved out. She is not into this marriage anymore, but that is NOT your fault!
It is really despicable of her to try to blame any of her cheating on you. If she wants to throw out every second that she says it was because of your depression..... which is not true anyway... then why didn't she help you with your depression?? Why didn't she stick by your side, her husband, while you got medication and therapy? Why would she go talk to other men???
I'm sorry if all of this seems harsh. I just don't think you can see what is really going on here. SHE decided, all on her own, to talk to other men, cheat with other men. Then she has the nerve to try to blame any of her cheating on you??? No. She is wrong and you would be best to start divorce proceedings.
Make sure your family and friends know what she has been doing. She is trying to make you out to be the bad guy, when she is the one that is doing such despicable things to you, your kids, and your marriage.
Stay strong, my friend. You deserve to be with someone who loves you completely and is not lying and cheating on you.
Think about that sentence. Whatever "issues" she had in her life or in her mind at the time, there was NO excuse for her to be talking to other men, and lying to you about it and keeping it all secret. So, if it was "just platonic" a few years ago.... then why was she hiding it from you??? Oh, please...
She moved out already. What is going on with your children, does she see them at all?
Yes, it all does suck!!! I agree with you. And it's not fair. And why can't they see what they're doing is wrong, why can't they want what we want. You're absolutely right. But we just can't force someone to love us. Maybe she fell out of love, maybe she liked the attention from other men, maybe she wants to be single now after 22 years..... who knows? But just know that no one can change another person. We can only change how we react to that person.
And yes, of course you are going to have some form of love for her. She is the mother of your children. You have known her 22 years. But that does not mean that you two should stay together. Or that you can force her to want to stay together. Sadly, she has made different choices that aren't the same as what you would want to have happen. That is her choice. It's her life.
Keep going to your therapy, look up books on co-dependence, stay active and busy with your work, your friends, your kids.... just keep going on. Don't expect her to change her mind and come running back.... I'm sorry to say that is not going to happen. She has been talking to other men for at least a few years, that you know of. She has been behaving inappropriately for a few years now. I don't see her changing now.
You take care of YOU now, and your kids. You will get through this. It won't happen overnight, but stay strong, read those books, keep going to therapy, go out with your friends, exercise..... keep your mind occupied with other things going on in your life.
So sorry about what she is doing. You had nothing to do with any of HER choices. None of this is your fault at all. She should have turned toward you, not away from you.