I know most of the people on here are going through a storm, I've heard it compared to a tornado.  I have experienced that for the past 4 months I have been cleaning up after that tornado.   But today, I feel free.  Yesterday my final papers were submitted to the courts, I felt a little guilty because I left the courthouse with a smile on my face.  I have shoved myself (i.e. feelings, thoughts, well-being) aside for years to build him up when he has been so hard on himself.  Which has been constant, this left me an overweight, miserable, unloveable, empty shell of a person with almost no self-esteem.  Now...I feel free to be me.  That doesn't mean I am not still lonely, to have someone to go and do things with and share secrets with; but, I am going to learn how to be comfortable with myself first.  I still remember when I was younger, before I met my x, how I was lonely and wanted someone in my life.  And there he came, but it didn't happen until I was ready.  So for awhile, I am just going to focus on me and my kids and nothing else.  My wish for all of you who struggle is just look around at the devastation of the tornado and find one small thing to pick up/fix/clean and do that.  Eventually, you will look around and realize for every little thing you picked up/fixed/cleaned, the only thing left will be a stronger you.  Good Luck!