Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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tailspin916 05/01/2015

Hello All,

I haven't been on this site for some time, as it has been a strange few weeks. Well, as she said, she will move out before the first of the month. She officially moved out last night with her girls. It was a very strange feeling being alone in an empty 5 bedroom house and waking up this morning to complete silence.

The house used to be very active until about 10PM, as the girls would usually still be up, finishing homework, watching TV or just simply telling stories of their day in school and all the drama of being in grade school and high school. Mornings would be hectic, making breakfast, brewing coffee, getting ready for work and getting the kids ready for school. This morning, just like last night...complete silence. Just me and my Great Dane. Even the dog seems confused with the complete lack of activity.

I'm not sure how I feel. To be honest, I thought I'd either be very happy she's gone and I can start to heal, or very sad that the family I once had is no more. I think the correct term would be "numb," as I feel neither happy or sad... I don't feel anything, really. I'm sure in a day or so when it sinks in, I will probably feel the real pain of the demise of our marriage and family. Until then, I guess I will just have to try to enjoy the silence.

Missy73 05/01/2015

I can really relate to your post. My husband moved out while I was at a funeral and told me about it in a text message. It was so strange to come back and find myself all alone. Numb is a great way to describe the initial reaction. Unfortunately it was followed by endless crying and a depression so deep that my best friend had to call me daily to remind me to eat and shower. The good news is that slowly things got better. As much as it hurt to be abandoned by my spouse, it was nice not to have to walk on egg shells. I no longer had to worry that I might say or do something that would make him pull the plug. Better still, I didn't have to watch him live his life like I didn't even exist.

Whatever your response to the pain, rely on your family and friends for support. The support I received here was invaluable. Divorce Care and therapy also helped a lot.

ChiTownBear 05/01/2015

Its certainly a huge difference now then what was.

Your dog will surely be feeling not only your emotions, but the emptiness of the house. Make sure you two spend some good time together going for car rides, walking or playing to distract from the quietness.

ESL12 05/01/2015

My wife just moved out yesterday too while i was away on business.. I knew it was happening, and its the last thing i wanted, but coming home to emptyness has killed me.. im devistated, heartbroken and been crying all day. I dont even want to go home.. its not a home anymore, just a roof. I dont know what im gonna do, im crushed and tailspining in my misery. I just want her back... I want my family whole.

Lovinsimple 05/01/2015

I don't know your story but if this move was necessary after you struggled in your marriage and couldn't get it fixed, just be thankful. Being separated for the first time could be hell, if you didn't know it was coming. For me it was sudden. One night he was there, the other night he was not....no warning nor goodbye. Eventually I grew to love being alone, but that didn't come easily.I had to go through the pain in order to get there. It comes after acceptance. I had to physically welcome the space, light a candle sometimes, use aromatherapy in the bedroom and adjust.

It will be particularly tough for you because the children are also gone. I hope you can visit them. I remember you when I pray. Cheers.

Lovinsimple 05/01/2015

meant to say I'll remember you when I pray.

kbbcoop77 05/01/2015

Now the healing begins my friend. Believe me it's a huge adjustment and doesn't happen overnight. I'm 14 months past when my wife split and am starting to get to a new "normal". It really does happen though. No more tears, but there is still occasional sadness. But I've had a full year of holidays without her and survived and you will too. It's nice thinking I pulled off all the holidays for my kids without her. Of course they are older so my daughter cooked the turkey and the hams lol but I provided a warm place for my kids to come to and they chose to spend the holidays with me. You'll make it!

archbart 05/01/2015

Apparently I joined this site in January, when things with my wife were getting hellish. I don't remember joining - must have too distraught. Anyway, here it is May and it now appears that the finality of the dissolution of my marriage has set in. Yesterday I was crying on and off intermittently all day, but today I feel this acceptance..maybe resignation. At least there is no more ambiguity. She must have been lying when she said just a few weeks ago that she wanted to regain my trust, and give the marriage another year. I believed her. Anyway, my house is a weird place to be...she stayed with her well, I guess its official - her boyfriend last night - even though were supposedly sharing the house...Anyway, thanks for letting me share, this is my first post, and I look forward to more support as the nightmare works itself out.

tailspin916 05/01/2015

This weekend will be strange. Usually everyone's home on the weekends. This weekend, nobody will be home. Luckily I have a one day distraction in that I will be with family in San Francisco to watch the big fight at a cousin's house this Saturday. Tonight and Sunday will be me and my dog alone at home.

broken234 05/01/2015

It is definitely strange, actually the first few weeks were strange for me. I was numb, or more likely i was in denial. I wasn't happy or sad. I just existed. I don't have as many quite nights though because i mostly have my kids, but its not the same. I completely understand. After the numbness, I went through a really sad period. But I have to say that I can see light at the end of the tunnel. It looks like a tiny pin prick right now, but I am not drowning in a sea of darkness anymore. I can see the goal I am meant to work towards. Hang in there.

steppingovertheedge 05/01/2015

archbart, you may want to start your own topic and tell your story. It can be cathartic, and people will try to give you advice for your particular situation. It helped me.

Tailspin, I have kind of a similar situation. I am still living with my wife (painful) until July when my new place will be ready. But tomorrow night I will watch the big fight at a friend's place, a nice distraction. Then Sunday my wife will have my daughter all day for various activities and I'll be alone. I think that will be OK though. There is a meetup I am considering attending. Being an introvert, it's tough to show up at these things not knowing anyone and try to act "normal" while hurting - but I'm stepping out and doing new things, for my own healing.

Chris198I 05/01/2015

i understand, about the feelings, of feeling numb. when we were with someone, and shared so much, and when it's suddenly not there, it can leave us feeling numb. i've been experiencing that the past month, at times. i've been trying to keep myself busy, and active with my days, which has helped me a bit. writing, talking, just knowing that we're not alone, it can really help us, when we have those down times. sending my support. wishing us all comfort, and peace.

luvmygirl4 05/01/2015

I think that numb is just the initial shock. Kind of a calm before the storm...

Good luck and keep us posted on how you're handling things.

Biatta 05/01/2015

I thought if people plan to split, they expect the split to effect their emotional state. Of course you feel differently, no surprise. Your entire environment changed. But...you still can see your family, they are not gone out of your life...they just moved out. Change the angle you view the situation. I guess, there were reasons why you and your ex drifted apart. So, let yourself sometime to adjust. Listen, sometimes being on your own is great...we all need it time to time. Then, over the time new people and events will fulfill your life. I wish you to get better.

charliegirl29 05/02/2015

The empty nest "feeling". Just consider the fact that you sent your birds to fly out of the nest and they will fly back to you when they need you :-)

charliegirl29 05/02/2015

Even if you don't want them to be gone:-)

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