Background: No father figure growing up. Always had multiple girlfriends growing up. 

Current age: 33

Relationship: we started a 4 hr long distance relationship 41/2 years ago. During the first year I still had other women that I was entertaining texts/small dates   along with my current girlfriend. During this time she noticed other girls texting and she made it a point that she wasn’t ok with it. So I started to end the relationships with the other girls because we were getting more serious. 

We  decided to move in together  A year and a half into the relationship. Before the second year was up I cheated on her with an ex girlfriend. We then decided to separate and moved out of our apartment together. 5/6 months later we started to work on the issues and put are relationship back together 1 LEGO at a time. During this time we would have arguments that seemed to pop up everytime I would want to do something with my friends ( who she doesn’t like because they’re single, or because she feels they knew about me getting with my Ex). She would always bring up what I did and how i need to change. I also noticed she was becoming verbally disrespectful towards me, I would always feel guilty about cheating on her so I gave her a pass. 

Anyway fast forward 6 months later we found out that we are having a beautiful child, we move back in together. 

*what I’m noticing during the preganancy. 

*searching my phone 

*montiring social media

*extreme outbursts verbal and physical when I mention hanging out with friends. 

* constantly holding over my head what I did in the past as a reason to justify how she acts. 

I obvioulsy think mood swings because of the  Pregnancy. however, these have continued til this day. Verbally disrespect is at an all time high and her excuse is you disrespected me by cheating so I can disrespect you. She threatens to leave because she is fed up and not happy because she doesn’t trust me. I haven’t cheated since that time or done anything. The most she has seen is group texts which can get wild with ppl posting girls twerking or whatever. 

Now here is the issue, I don’t know what to do, because I feel guilty about what I did to her in the past and I do let a bunch of things slide because of what I did. I have also lost friends because I don’t even feel like getting in arguments with her about going to visit friends. The disrespect has gotten so bad I don’t feel I can communicate with her positively, so I find myself not talking to her about everyday things. All this is going on while we are raising a child together. Like I said IK the beginning I didn’t have a father around growing up, I understand the negative effects of that. So I’m willing to have tough skin when it come to the disrespect and somewhat controlling nature of my girlfriend. Because, I want to raise my kid in a two family household. 

But, when is enough enough. I’m getting to the point where I feel like my girlfriends antics are going to lead me to explode or cause me to leave which will lead to my child being raised in a co parent situation. 

Any advice here would be helpful.