Any advice would really help

Hi Serendipitous123 very little information , but as every time you talk he walks away I would suggest change your strategy write him a detailed letter . And state some steps you are about to take and follow through with them so he realize is for real. Have you consider counseling ?

We have tried counseling unfortunately he feels that it is all everyone else's fault and never can admit that we all are at fault at some point.

i want you to know you're not alone and as many can attest i will listen anytime you wish. you are so much stronger than you realize

Hey serendipitous- of course you're hurting hon. You are growing and breaking out of a hard sharp shell. Clearly there needs to be a change in the way the conversation goes. And you can't write his script for him. You want to know how to get him to hear you? You might as well ask how to get a blind man to see you! You have to build a new inner self that has no dependency on the relationship for your existence or sense of self. Learn about you and what you need to do to be your best. This has nothing to do with him. Only then can you compassionately address your need to live outside of the marriage. Only through compassion will he realize that you are no longer able to sustain the connection. You have to evolve. Don't work on connecting with him or anyone but your self. The rest will come naturally when you're comfortable with your own thoughts.
Lots of words, sorry. I've been reading and praying and meditating a lot. There's a ton of really good literature out there on codependency and I'm finally understanding it without resentment.!!
Hugs to you

i concur, whether breaking up or salvaging a relationship it all begins with working on you, for the sake of you

We hear it over and over to "focus on you" and pretty soon we just let it go in one ear and out the other, but I am learning it serves 2 purposes: 1) You learn who you really are completely, and 2)I you are thinking of you, you aren't focusing on him or the relationship. It works!! Not easy and takes some discipline. It's hard. Let this play out... only he can make the choice to change and he just may never want to..that's reality. I doubt you are short on compassion, that's awesome... use it on others that really need it- believe me they are everywhere. Im sorry for you in the middle of this- it will be a valley... but you will be OK!!

Looks like you have given it your best. Clearly this is over and you have already moved on.

Being on the recieving end of being told its over is very hard.

I wish you well

I hope you are in therapy just for you. To talk
Things thru and to help guide you. Nobody can
Tell anybody else what to do about their marriage.
That is between you two to decide. Some just file
Against the other and are done.

MC only will work if both people are all in and are
willing to be open and Honest, otherwise you are
just spinning your wheels. We lasted 3 times together
and he Was done insulted the first time she called
Him on his attitude toward me. HUGS