Holy cow - you have come to the right guy here! Therapy will give her a 'safe' place to talk about what she feels and to even act that out. She does not have a 'safe' place now because she is worried about both mom and dad and thinks - remember, she is only a young child - that she can fix things or is in some way responsible.

I took my son to a therapist for the same reason when he was around 10 or so. I really can't say that it helped him much as he was a very stubborn, stubborn child. Perhaps he got things off his chest with the therapist, but I don't know. In retrospect I guess it was my bad behavior and his father's bad behavior that was upsetting him. I think we should have been the ones in therapy!

At the time Super Nanny wasn't on the air. I wish it had been! Boy would I have done a lot of things differently.

Good luck & ya on the pizza!

therapy goes a little differently with young children than it does adults

when I took my son, who was older than your daughter is, the T asked questions of him just to get to know him, lots of gentle smiles, sharing of similar stories of her son, gently making fun of herself and me.

When he was relaxed enough then she started asking questions of him about what he felt when he witnessed certain things, and what his reactions were, so she could get an understanding of what was going on for him.

I made sure not to correct or amend or justify anything...what he was saying was his reality, and really I wanted to know what was going on for him internally too.

How it turned out for us will be different than how it will turn out for you because our situations are different.

But if you pay really close attention you'll hear where the gaps and the hurts and the needs are.

I found it eye-opening. I learned a lot.

I am happy to see you taking these steps with her. Like I have said before, she is of an age where she doesn't know HOW to deal with her feelings so it comes in anger. The therapist, if she/he is a good one, will talk to her on HER level. She will encourage your daughter to talk to her about what she is feeling and how she has reacted to those feelings, then give her better ways to cope with it. It should be on HER level....easy to understand and easy steps to take when she begins to feel out of control. Expect, as you go along, for her to like therapy and NOT like therapy. Just as it would be with us, sometimes therapy sessions hit close to the nerve, but that will come later. Expect her, as she goes thru this, to hopefully come to the point of vocalizing her feelings, not with yells and screams, but "you are making me mad.....or she makes me so angry". Pay attention to those times. Address them then and there as to encourage her to continue to SHARE with you. Once she isn't heard, she may get so frustrated as to revert back to misbehavior. Ask her therapist the best way to address her expressions of feelings. You will be fine and so will she. Just be there for her as much as you can! HUGS to you and your baby girl!

When I took my son (different issues), the first session she mostly talked to me about what was going on with my son.

With kids that young, a lot of therapy is play therapy. The idea is to get the kids to act out their issues with their toys, and put words to the emotions. If that's what the therapist does, you should expect to hear your daughter saying the stuff as she's playing. And it's OK for the dolls/toys to be really really nasty to each other. Just not OK to say those things to real people.

Hugs. Her behavior didn't go downhill in one day, and neither will it be improved. Just be completely honest. Well maybe leave out some of the Taco stuff......

I would add to what JoyDrop said - don't add to or say anything that tries to change her reality. This is to validate how she thinks, feels, and acts - it is not about 'you', but is 'about' you.

I've never had my kids in therapy, but I do think it is helpful for children in dealing with their feelings. Hopefully she will open up and you will find out why she has been acting out and how to help her. Big hugs to you both!

Thanks everyone. The strange thing about this situation is that she has no behavior problems outside of the home. Her teachers say she is a wonderful child, but when it comes to her mother and I...that is a different story. Very, very oppositional. I just don't get it...
Sorry to post this on a breakup and divorce site, but the other parenting site is just so slow.

(((huggin Rman's hurtin-baby-loving heart)))

small suggestion, and just as a personal opinion only.

Going out for afterwards is a treat, and nice, or a GOOD thing that happens after a BAD thing. You know, a lollipop after getting a shot?

THEN, more poor behaviour, results in more kiddie therapy and then more stuff after, you can create a viscious circle here.

Keep it all normal. Today we're going to the grocery store and then the therapist then home for lunch.....not a big deal.

{{{Rman}}}

Um, right - yeah, pass me the pizza and a warm beer fellow man-ly man! *buuuuurrrrrpppp*

I like that ALC

although my POV is that following it up with something pleasurable almost erases the work that was done

well, ok, not erases, but pushes it back so far it doesnt get processed in quite the same way

"keeping things normal" sounds like a real good idea

She's reflecting what she see's at home, whereas it's unacceptable at school, it's perfectly acceptable at home.

I think TD is dead on...

TD - can I make an appointment for me? - afterwards we can go out and have beer and pizza with Rman - I am sure my insurance would cover that as part of the theraputic process...

Very good suggestions and advice. I appreciate all of this input, as it's not every day that I talk about serious stuff...
I need pizza now.