I'm new to this site.  I have no one I can really talk to in my life that can understand my feelings.  I'm hoping just be venting maybe I'll start to feel a little bit better.  I'm 43 with a 9 year old little girl.  I've been single a while now and really want to date and find a companion to share life with, but I'm attracted to everything I shouldn't be.  I like Tattos, I like attractive Average to thin men, I like confidence, I like rough around the edges, I like a lost sole needing to be resuced.  I like men who need me more than I need them.  All of these features don't usually equal out to a decent man.  I've tried so hard to be interested in something different but I just can't seem to make it happen. I generally stay really busy so that I don't notice how single I am, but lately during any down time I feel lonely and lost.  I love my daughter and she is my life, but I still feel like something is missing.  My daughters dad has put me through hell.  He's been to prison twice, and I've tried so hard to be there and help him get his life right but everytime he comes home he goes right back to drugs and cheating and I simply couldn't take it anymore and I walked away from him about 2 years ago.  However I love love him and I don't see how he will ever leave my heart, but I simply can't be with him.  About a year ago I met a guy on a dating website who I ended up liking.  I wanted something casual but he pushed me into a relationship.  Against my better judgement I gave it a shot.  It was really good for about 2 months.  I made some changes in myself to make the relationship work but in the end we broke up, less than 5 days later he posted all over facebook how he loved this other girl.  I found out this other girl was a meth head.  It really upset me.  I mean I'm a dang good woman.  I have had the same job for 13 years, make great money, live on my own, never did drugs, don't smoke, almost never drink, I spoil the crap out of my daughter and usually my man.  So I quit even trying to date after that again.  However lately I just been feeling the need again to have a special someone to share my life with.  To do family things.  Someone to make happy.  However I just can't find it.  I like attractive men, but I'm a plus size woman.  I'm not BUTT ugly but I'm am larger and I don't have time to do up my hair and makeup most of the time because on top of full time job and full time child my family has a full time farm.  There is always labor work to be done.  So never any time to really do myself up.  I don't go anywhere but horse shows, Walmart and the farm so it's near impossible for me to meet potentail dates.  So I resort to dating websites and it's really really slim pickens in my area.  I feel like I'm starting to go into depression and that scares me.  I just wish I could change what I'm attracted to.