Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband and I just made the decision to divorce today after mulling it over a long time. I don't want a divorce. He does. He has made up his mind and I refuse to feel like I am holding everyone at hostage by not granting him one. We have been together for 23 years (since we were 16 & 17 years old), and married 18 years. We have one child, age 16. How is the best way to tell our child? How do I make sure our child and I are supported. I have been a financially dependent stay at home mom/housewife almost my whole adult life.
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
You and your husband together tell your child, let him know that after much thought, you have decided to divorce. Reassure him 1) he is not at fault in any way 2) that you both still love him and 3) the three of you will work through this together.
Make sure you receive adequate child support. You may have to find employment as child support usually terminates at age 18. Whatever savings previously set aside for education, etc must be protected for your child.
P.S. This is one of the reasons I taught my children they should never be financially dependent upon anyone and should always be able to at least support themselves. You never know what life brings you.
I'm so sorry for you to give in to the choice of ending your marriage, and I'm sure that you put up a brave fight. It is great advice that's posted ahead of me. However, getting started on a practical approach is way important when considering a plan to tell your 16-year-old. I'd consider reading a good book on the subject, and I will leave you a starting place of great reading choices: https://familyllb.com/2013/06/25/top-5-books-about-divorce-for-teens/
Best to each of you during this horrible time, and please don't rule out seeking skilled help with a marriage and family therapist as needed. It's awful that your husband is just removing himself without first considering what this example is doing to his own blood relationship. I feel for each of you because of the frustration caused by this matter.
Love & hugs to you today! And prayer helps. Blessing to you.
Some lessons learned from my experience.
- Always take the high road - you will have to interact with this person for the rest of your life in one way or another; it is your child’s dad. Bitterness serves no one and will eat you alive.
- Not sure what the relationship is with your child and husband. But, their relationship is their business. You don’t have to be the one to make their relationship work (I “covered” and “excused” my ex to my kids for way to long).
- Don’t “blame”, but be factual. It is ok to admit that you didn’t want the divorce. You don’t have to pretend it is a mutual decision. But, be matter-of-fact about it (with your kid) and move on. Again, blame and bitterness only hurt you.
- get a good lawyer. Listen to her. Take her advice. Accept everything that is your due under the law. (Do not be guilted into taking less than you are entitled to. You have your whole life ahead to think about.) I don’t know where you live, but where I am you would likely be entitled to spousal support indefinitely.
- identify the one or two things that are really important to you in the divorce. Right them down. Before every meeting read them. Stay focused on those 2 things, everything else is noise. It is easy to get drawn into battles on trivial things.... stay focused on your priorities so you know what to give on and what to fight for.
- be kind to yourself. Grief is a crazy emotion, and you are going to be feeling a lot of it. When it feels unbearable, just know that it WILL actually pass. Believe it. And keep taking small steps.
Good luck!!