Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

How do I handle triggers?

Lovewinsright
Lovewinsright

Please help. 


I am going through a seperation, husband dropped his departure on me completely out of the blue (we were having no issies) two months ago with no explaination, willingness to work on things out and complete indifference to the fact we had been together for 20years and had a deep relationship.  He is 41yrs old, police officer and I speculate that he is speaking to another female. 


We have to still deal with things to dissolve our marriage and so need to have contact (minimal).   My issue is that eveytime I see him or get a text from him, I am triggered and spiral into deep anxiety around the fact I have no answers to why our marriage is over, what I did wrong, why he is choosing losing everything vs working on our marrige and of course  the saddness that I am getting a very cold version of my husband and the loving texts I miss so much from him are going to someone else. 


How do I curb this when I can't yet cut him out completely from my life yet (no children, so when we are done, we can be done)?

Reality100
Reality100
Be glad you have no answers, the answers he gives you will not be honest answers. He doesn't want to be with you and has chosen someone else, that's the bottom line here.
MemphisWH
MemphisWH
Focus on yourself,
take time to heal from this,
Love yourself for all you are worth.
This pain will pass and you will grow, if you listen to the pain and write it all down you will be even better.
I am reading "kingdom single", maybe you will enjoy it too.
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
This is a very difficult situation. Twenty years is a log time
Do you want to have answers and honesty? As Reality has said, sometimes the answers can hurt more. But sometimes they
can help you to understand and process the horrible chilling
truth and to find some closure and to move through the grieving process.
Either way it sounds like you are in so much pain and I'm sorry
m79
m79
Oh geez, I’m just coming into the same situation here. My husband told me a week and half ago he needed space. He told me last night he wants to continue the separation and see what else is out there. I know he’s been struggling but he never opens up no matter what. I just wanted to let you know I understand to a point about what you’re going through. I haven’t been eating well, sleeping well, my anxiety and depression are through the roof. We’ve been together for 16 years, married less than 1.
Lovewinsright
Lovewinsright
@m79
My heart breaks for you because I was there four months ago and to an extent still am.
What is it with men not being content? Always needing something else, even when other men are envious of what they have and obviously don’t see? Are all men on the move constantly?
You sound alike a ver intelligent woman with a good head on her shoulders. Don’t be an option...you should never be an option. Walk...I know how hard that is to hear, but don’t let him walk on you. You deserve more. Sending a virtual hug girl.
Alexa987
Alexa987
So sorry that you're going through this, but if you want answers after 20 years I believe you deserve it, just be prepared to hear things that may hurt you more, get some therapy for yourself, it's his lost and you deserve better, we're here for you!
CoderMom
CoderMom
My heart breaks for you. Things are so challenging in our world right now, and then to add a separation without any rhyme or reason is so difficult.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Defensive Driver Course

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    6
    After work, I am taking a defensive driver course today.  It is online and only cost $10 and it may save me as much as $300 on my car insurance.  I got the information from my car insurance company.  Little known fact about me is that I drive with two feet.  
  • jannytheresa

    The Broken String

    Posted by: jannytheresa
    Last Reply: jannytheresa
    1
    One day in August many years ago, the strings to our hearts were woven together in a magical and sacred way.They remained tied together though they were taken on a journey fraught with challengingdemons serpents and deep wounds.But still, they stayed tied together.They were torn apart and like a wound that leaves a scarthey cannot heal.  They are broken.   Ripped, callously slashed.The heart...