I may be wrong, so please excuse me if I am. I believe that unless you have a pre-nuptial agreement then all money and, things to the value of that you have between you is divided 50-50.

It may depend on the state you live in and the divorce laws there. Here everything is 50/50, debts are split and money is all jointly split. Beyond that something's like social security benefits are dependent on the amount of time of the marriage. I would do some attorney shopping if I was you and they will have the proper answers for you. Check the legal aid office as well as your state bar association for a lower one time consultation fee with an attorney to get you the most information for your money. And if one side has an attorney then the other side will too. He may need to pay you spousal support until the divorce happens. So much of this is information that may vary from state to state, sorry I know that's no help but better get yourself correct answers and hang on for a whole new experience.

Thank you. I am in PA. There is no prenup... No big bucks to fight over. We would be together 15 years in another month. But this is long overdue. I still work full time so i doubt any kind of support.....(I am hoping since he has disability that i would not have to pay any support to him...I will struggle to get started again just myself)

I am hoping and praying this is amicable. Also have no clue if they would freeze assets til is settled. How do I get new accts set up and off old ones.....or do we both get new to make it easier?

Please forgive me for asking stupid questions, but this is not something I do everyday (or ever want to do again) I am trying to prepare what I might expect.

Thank you

Every state is a little different on rules and regs And
everyones financials are a little different. Look online
Each state usually lists some divorce information.

I live in no fault state, we split 50-50 and i get Some
alimony for 10 years. It depends on how Long married
and what you have to split up and How hard it is to split.
Ours was not easy and no Simple solutions financially.

Some sell the home to Split up the money especially
If neither one can afford to live There alone. The home
And retirement accounts are generally the largest assets.

My ex had to get off my health insurance once we were
Divorced and he was offered cobra. The decree usually
Spells things out otherwise its your lawyer is Your go to
person For legal and financial divorce advise.

We kept All monies together until the decree and we did
not miss a beat business wise, he just did not live at home.

He stayed at his mothers and his GFs until the Decree was
finalized. I changed nothing until Then, there was a lot to do.
Not everybody does it that Way, we did. He had a business
on the property and we co shared The property And all the
bills.

It took 10 months start to finish with 2 lawyers and the Court
involved. There is always legal mumbo jumbo and Hoops to
Jump thru. My ex filed against me so it was a court case and
The judge needed to be updated. I refused to do it ourselves.

Some do a do it themselves divorce, some two lawyers, Some
one Lawyer. There are mediator/lawyer combos out there too.
HUGS

Thank you all for the info. (and hugs) I do appreciate it.

The following words are only to inform and in no way do I think you would do anything less than fair.

It may be according to the state you are in but if it is a community property state, you can't really hide anything. The opposing lawyer can request a "discovery" that forces you to open everything to the court... all accounts, emails, social media accounts, everything. If they find any indication you've hidden assets, not only will you have to split it, but it will put you in a negative light in the court's eyes. Decisions will take your actions into consideration and things may go more in his favor. Bottom line, there are consequences to deceitful behavior in the court system.

Once the divorce is filed no hiding anything.
Keep your nose clean all the way around. After
The filing, its all about the business of divorcing
and The dismantling of your financial and legal
life Together as a married couple. My ex took all
the debt and all his possessions, i Moved out after
The decree and live in an apt 13 miles away and
went total No contact with him except thru the mail.
HUGS

I thought a marriage WAS to be 50-50. Thus adding his name to all that I had when we first got together. Neither of us has anything hidden from the other. I do have concerns though because the last small loan (for a new central air unit) was put in my name because I have better credit

All debts and assets should be brought forth when going to a mediator or lawyer including house, investments, cars, loans, etc. If you live in a community property state, I suspect it will all be divided equally. It will not be desirable that way for either of you, I suspect. It is generally much better to come to an agreement beforehand on how to divide things. That will require a lot of give and take on both sides. Considering the emotions involved in a divorce, having the sensibility to remain calm and fair is very hard to do, so a mediator or judge has to make the decisions for you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Thank you all for your advice. I do appreciate it. Now I need to try to prepare for how hard this will be for us both of us. It is not my intention to hurt or anger him.....however the way things have been for some time now I (and he as well,) think the resentment and anger has already been building.

On one hand I do dread doing this, but on the other I am so very curious and anxious to step back into a healthier, happier existence again. We both deserve better than what we currently have to deal with. This is very hard.

I am in PA as well going through the uncoupling process. It's a lot to undo and most you can't do alone (bank account, cell phone bill, car insurance, housing, healthcare, etc.). It requires cooperation or lawyers. We went with 90 days uncontested. There is a website that has all the forms needed, fees, etc. It wasn't painless emotionally, but once paperwork is organized then you both have to slug through it. It's HARD. Like, HARD. There is such a sadness in it all, but you keep going. On Rocket Lawyer there is a compilation form that helps you sort out who owes what, expenses, retirement accounts, etc. Use it. It will bring some order to this situation. Retirement accounts are another beast so seek consultation. I wish you the best, hon. Be well.

Rain is right, it's HARD. If one or both of you is not willing to put in the work needed to get papers and financials in order, it's even harder, because it has to be done eventually. Much better sooner than later. Obviously much better with cooperation.

PA is an equitable distribution state, like mine. Most of our assets were split 50/50 (including my 401K - he doesn't have one), and our old house, but not everything. The court decided that I would get 65% of the sale of the new house that we built, and he would get 35%. Everything depends upon circumstances. I hope his disability and his other sources of income (if any) are close to yours so you don't have to pay alimony. There is a formula in my state for figuring alimony, not so in PA, it's up to the courts.

It's required that you kind of do a kind of status quo in terms of financials during the pendency of the divorce. You shouldn't do things like move your direct deposit from the joint account to a new individual account. I say shouldn't - my ex DID and nothing came of it. It is a joke what the court system WILL allow. If you have unlimited funds and energies to bring up every instance of a stbx's financial misdoings to the attention of the courts, then you should go for it. Otherwise, if he is a d*ck, expect that you might get royally screwed - both during and after the proceedings. Sorry if this sounds gloomy, but I have an ex who is ignoring the law and I will have to pay to bring him back to court. Some are like that. Make sure your divorce terms are crystal clear and explicit, spend as much time as you need reviewing them. Bring them to others for review, people who are maybe older, wiser, divorced themselves, people you trust. They might see something you and your lawyer missed. Good luck.

Oh, the credit cards, is it just that his name is on them as a secondary user, meaning he can charge but isn't responsible for paying the bills? If this is the case, I believe you can have his name removed immediately to limit your financial liability. He can get one in his own name. If you're both primary users, keep as is for now. The bank account is different, if joint you should keep it as is then close and open a new one post-divorce.

Generally, the couple's spending habits should remain the same while divorcing as they were predivorce. If he spends say $500 per month on something for himself, like going to the racetrack, then all of a sudden he starts spending $1000 a month on the same activity, you have grounds for limiting your financial responsibility for that expense. Same for you, don't start buying tons of new clothes or buying that $5000 purse you've had your eye on!

My best advice is to keep a close eye on both your and his spending.

This is the kind of stuff that scares me. I don't think he would be a dick and I don't mean to hurt him, but I am so tired of feeling empty, resentful and sad. I am hoping he will not be so angry as to screw me royally as you say. I thought everyone said to get a separate acct right away and I would probably tried that thinking better safe then

I think the getting of the separate bank account is best done before anything divorce-wise is started, not to hide assets, but to separate money if you know that certain funds are legally yours 100%. I did that years ago, not for divorce reasons, but it did help in terms of what was joint versus what was mine. I had to prove that the funds in there were not joint marital funds, which was easy.

It's really more important to get a separate credit card now, if you think might have trouble getting one alone, on only your income, post divorce. The credit card companies don't care if you're getting a divorce tomorrow, they will use both incomes when issuing the card, you just make sure to get an individual card. I wish I had done that. If that's not a problem, no worries.

Once you file, everything in terms of money coming in and going out should remain status quo. If you do open a new banking account, you shouldn't put "joint" money in there, like your paycheck. You both need to contribute to the bills now, at the same percentage as you have done in the past. Now if you were to get a gift of cash from someone, then that money could go into the separate account and it remains yours. Not an expert here, just what I've learned in my case.