so Jenny, bj's are like a gold star?

If my stbx did stuff like that for me I would have rewarded him nicely :)

When you live in a house and have a family, there are always things that need to be done. It's hard to time sex so that it doesn't look like you are either rewarding or paying it forward, so to speak.

I was just thinking that Red

yes viv.

:-)

so it has to be earned.. If I say lets paint the kitchen 10 times before it gets done, then a gold star really isn't deserved. right?

Got to agree, Ms.Viv - bj's and gold starts only for the first request...

Lynne

Men can paint?

Gee one of my best weekends was when my ex took the kids to his family camp and left me alone to paint the bathroom and the front window. I still remember the wonderful weather, the QUIET, and that the scraping was 90% of the work.

And it still looks good 6 years later.... nice.

It was great having some time to talk to neighbors, and to clean up the house and have it Stay clean too. Oh, and no one came home and complained about the mess.

Some women are turned on by watching or assisting thier mate with certain tasks...it many not necessarily be a reward in the eyes of a woman, but more of intimacy.

I worked my ass off on a our substantially renovated then marital home because I wanted to, because it felt like the right thing to do...for me. Sex would have been nice, but some big hugs and the words "I so really appreciate what you are doing for our family" would have been far better. I don't buy into the whole "you should do things without expectations of a return" mentality. Who among us doesn't crave recognition and appreciation for your efforts?

I almost never held back. The only reason why I would is because it wasn't reciprocated. Still, I gave and gave and gave...

That's really messed up, Rman, that you link acts of servitude with marital sex. This isn't the first time I've seen it happen, either. The two aren't linked.

My ex did not touch me for the last two years. Post our divorce, I asked him why. He looked at me and told me that it was about control. That it was his way of controlling me. So, yeah, I get it. It is not just gender biased though....I got that lesson served to me. Ouch.

I'm female and I don't get this bj being a gold star thing. That is just part of sex, doesn't have to be earned. I do have to say though when those are given freely, he is willing to do damn near ANYTHING to keep me happy!

Maybe these other women have it backwards.

I made a promise to myself to Thank my partner for everything done for the home and myself. I lived up to it perfectly....but ::poof:: ..partner still wants out.

Sex has nothing to do with acts of love and honor for the home and family.