Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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HELP! #$@%^&%$#

diemjs
diemjs
I am walking out the door to go to work, but had to get this in.

Just got off the phone with #$@$%^$# stbx and he is trying to convince me to get the child support and the divorce WITHOUT lawyers. Then he tells me again, in that tone of voice, "Ok, if this is what you want, I'll see you in court! I tried to do this nice, but it will just get ugly because that is what the lawyers want."

What does he think is going to happen? Should I not go thru lawyers and do it his way? I know he is afraid of something. Why else would he not want to go thru lawyers? Is he trying to get away with something, AGAIN?

This frusterates me so much! Am I just supposed to roll over and let him have his way? I know I wont see a dime from him if we dont do this thru the courts. Hell, I wont see a dime from him if we do go thru the courts!

What could he accomplish by not going thru the courts? Any ideas or suggestions would be great!

Like I said, Im off to work, but wanted to get this in so I can check it when I get home.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!
diemjs
diemjs
One more thing. He is self employed and doesnt make any money. He hasnt filed taxes since 2001. Is this what he is afraid of? He says give him a number and he will pay that as child support.

Oh and he wants my lawyer to write up the divorce papers JUST LIKE the seperation agreement! HA!

Im sorry, I am just so angry and frusterated. I had to tell someone and get someones opinions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He hasn't filed taxes since 2001... there's a storm coming!! He is going to have to get all his back taxes done. When he goes to court it is not going to be pretty for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If I were u I would go through court and lawyers. I know just how u feel, my stbx is self employed wont pay me any money right now. But our situation is so complicated it's gonna take forever for me to get support if it ever happens. But don't roll over for ur stbx, that would not be fair for u.
deleted_user
deleted_user
no lawyers? Do you know what the courts will do when they figure out he's not paid taxes in all those years? They will levy anything you have including YOUR assets.. Trust me I know. I am going thru something like this. Not that many years, but devastating just the same. You need to contact the IRS and file an injured spouse form pronto. Actually it may be an innocent spouse form. Just the same call them and tell them what's up and get that taken care of. No use in you taking on his debt any more than you have to. I am dealing with this now. It sucks. I don't have 17 dollars let alone 1700.00 . Never have figured out how to draw blood from a turnip, so now I wait to see what' s gonna happen next. Good luck. Take care of yourself and your kids.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Divorce isn't nice - so don't be. I went through the courts - it took 18 months, but I ended up with the house, monthly maintainance, half of his 401 K and the dog!! Really, court is the only way to go if he is unreasonable. The judge is a non-judgemental third party.
deleted_user
deleted_user
just so you know, your one of my favorite people here. it always seems when your doing ok, he throws that out there, ok,"if this is the way you want it" like your in for something you won't like. it makes me laugh. lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, make it all legal with the lawyer and court. he is going to be in big trouble with the irs. no more rolling over. he won't be able to hide anything. and no way would i do what he wants, it's like you said, if he doesn't feel like paying he won't, you'll end up having to get a lawyer anyway. get it squared away the right way now, instead of having to be miserable again later.
1toughcookie
1toughcookie
Always use a lawyer! Never trust the stbx to follow thru. There are to many emotions involved with divorce. Get it in writting, Always!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Get a lawyer diemjs. Screw him! He's obvisly scared of SOMETHING. Mine tried to do the same...if he's already threatening now, get a lawyer & protect yourself. xoxo
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh please get a lawyer! He is scared shitless of what is going to come out about HIM, and what is going to happen to HIM. I have news for him, TOUGH SHIT. It's this little thing we call "consequences". Get a lawyer, and make sure he gets exactly what he has coming. And make sure you explain the tax thing -- an innocent souse form is indeed necessary!! Good luck!!!
veeachjay
veeachjay
Stick with your lawyer.....they are paid to look out for YOUR best interests. You know he's looking out for himself and not you. Don't let him con you into anything. Stand firm!
deleted_user
deleted_user
A lawyer is going to cost money, but it may be well worth it in the end. As far as taxes, you said he hasn't filed in 7 yrs, what about you? have you at least filed? I would call the IRS like others have stated, you need to cover yourself. Either way, a judge is going to want to see a financial affidavit. and if he has no info he is SCREWED!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, mine gave me the "fine. I'll see you in court" line about 2,000,000 times before I realized he was NEVER going to do it. My response was always "Okay, well, if you're serious, have your lawyer contact me within the week." Somehow I never got that call... But if he hasn't paid taxes, YOU are going to get screwed if you go through court. I think it would be better to have your lawyer draw up a settlement agreement, have him sign and notarize it, and make sure to include a clause that says if he does not pay, he let's this stand a legal document that he asks the court to double the amount he owes. That way, you can always go to court with the document, and hopefully the judge will stick with it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was in the exact same position with a twist. Mine is self employed too and under reported. The kicker with him was that he told the court from the very beginning that he makes one fourth of the truth so i got stuck with a total joke of a temporary order because the Judge bought it. He loved that deal so he dragged it out for months. However, once we got all the records, and he fought that every step of the way, and deposed him he found himself in a hell of a pickle. We proved his income was quadruple what he told the court. So he had to either settle or face a Judge he perjured himself to. He settled.
Heres the thing, he had a low rent total idiot for a lawyer. You HAVE to have have a lawyer and not just any lawyer. A lawyer who practices family law and I would try to get one who has handled cases with self employed liars. Stay strong, everyone is right!,
deleted_user
deleted_user
PS don't freak on the tax thing. The innocent spouse thing should cover you just fine.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, this is obviously redundant that you should get a lawyer, but I thought I would share some thoughts:

1) even if your divorce is 'amicable' and you are pretty much in agreement about division of assets, it is worth it to pay the base attorney fees just to minimize or deflect the # of conversations you have to have with your stbx.

2) Once you are deciding to divorce, no matter how hard you both are trying to be fair/amicable, YOU ARE NOT ON THE SAME TEAM. DO NOT trust your stbx to do what is fair to you. That is another reason why it is worth the attorney's fees to look out for your interests.

3) Retaining a lawyer and protecting yourself does not necessarily mean that you are going into aggressive 'divorce court' mode.

4) No matter what he SAYS he wants, shake it off; the courts will protect you (most of the time!). The fewer of these kinds of conversations you can have, the less stress you will have to deal with, the less conflict you will have to deal with. Thus, my thought #1.

GOOD LUCK!