I think you already have an idea you have to move on since you have moved out. You must see an attorney and discuss everything with an attorney.

Yes me! 3 kids with an abusive alcoholic cop and 24 years later I had it and walked out. I went back and it was much worse. I literally for my sanity walked away from it all.. I had to because we couldn't communicate even saying hey was difficult. It just wasn't worth it and 2 years later I wouldn't have had it any other way. Well the part of him trying to kill me I would have. Material things we had it all and I left it all. Even the dog cause he bought him for me. That was tough but I refused to let him see any weakness I had because he would have ran with it. That wasn't happening I was controlling the rest of my life. So I walked out of the only life I ever known! I Dom so much better and I'm living now. Not only exsisting. And I took a little over a year off to have ME time because my kids are grown. I made a bucket list and I have 2 more things out of 12 left. I recently allowed myself to open my life and I've met the most wonderful man who respects and loves me. I could not ask for more. I realize happiness is about you! And I learned I needed to love myself enough to just leave. I deserved to be happy. Now I do not rely on anything or anyone to make me happy only I can do that! They can join my happiness but not be it. Good luck and just know only you can make it happen. The first step is the toughest but after that I ran... B~

WOW - good for you. My only issue is the house. I don't see how he can afford it on his own and I don't want to risk bad credit. BUT I also don't want to spend money on a divorce lawyer. I really think I could just walk away from it all. But there are so many other issues financially. This is so hard and of course my husband doesn't seem to be bothered at all. So frustrating.

As a guy I'll tell you that when he says "do what you have to do" he's calling your bluff. He knows you aren't going to go do it. And so it becomes an empty threat. Honestly, if you want to take the next step, then don't threaten to do it- just do it.

Get yourself an attorney because half that house is yours whether he likes it or not. If he doesn't want to sell, then he's more than welcome to buy your half away from you. The attorney will help you explore all options.

Good luck.

Thank you. But why is it so hard for men to talk? I'm an emotional basket case and he doesn't even seem to notice. He finds so many little things to be critical of. And when I call him on them he backpedals and then I'm left wondering what just happened.
I walked on him once and came back. But now I'm done. I guess an attorney is the only solution unless I just leave. So frustrating.

No doubt making changes related to marital status are extremely difficult. However as itsabout....more stated finding your happiness takes making those hard changes. I'm not familiar with a low cost way to do this if the divorce is going to be contested. I'm 8 months into divorced status and no regrets. This was the right thing to do. I no longer have to deal with his presence. He's free to live the way he wants and so am I.

So should I continue to talk to him or just talk to an attorney and make an exit plan? Right now he doesn't talk to me unless I talk to him - very childish. So frustrating.

Instead of investing anything else in that relationship. STOP an invest in a attorney and in yourself. Let the Attorney do the work for you and you totally give yourself exactly what you need and that is time to do what you want. Learn to like you then love yourself. You have to be the best you that you can be. It is hard but do able. Good Luck and I will tell you that for every action there will be a reaction. So do not be surprised when he realizes you no longer care to associate with him. He will try to get to you in anyway. Just to get a reaction. DO NOT REACT. This is for you sanity. Going back and forth mentally and emotionally is not healthy. If he tries to contact you just ignore it and tell him to contact your attorney. So much better for your emotional state of mine. Just some thoughts. :0)

Thanks for the help and support.

You can certainly start the process on your own. File divorce and get proceedings moving, ask for him to buy you out in writing or to get proceeds from sale. Put in front of a judge. You tried to work it out with him, but you dont have to anymore and can use the court to move on.

One of my issues is that he's self employed and income is just not enough to live on. No money for anything extra. I don't see how he would be able to buy me out with his income being so low. That's why I want the house sold. Told him to move in with his mom (dad died several years ago). His dad also told him, many times before he died, get out of the business. Anyway, his response - you move in with your mom. His mom lives in the house he grew up in. My mom lives with her third husband in their house. Not where I would feel comfortable. I just hate having to spend money I really don't have on an attorney. This just adds to my insanity.

Whatnow - listen to what the other's are telling you. Get an attorney and stop talking to old windbag. Guess what? He doesn't get to decide whether or not you sell, who moves out and who doesn't. He is not king of the world. Get an attorney, start the separation process (so that you are not left high and dry) and STOP talking to him.

Thanks for the advice and support.

Hi Whatnow: You have several issues that I personally believe an attorney must deal with. (1) the home; (2) his self employment.

These are very important issues that you will undoubtedly have trouble dealing with on your own. These are not simple and you want papers filed that are legally correct and do not allow any loopholes for your ex or that you get a lawyer part way through and they have to amend your paperwork because you didn't include important statements in your paperwork. Get an attorney and let them handle it.

You already said you are a basket case. So it's time for you to take this to a lawyer. I worked in lawyer's offices all my life (I'm not a lawyer), and you don't walk into divorce when you have issues that are not simple.

IMPORTANT: Start gathering paperwork or copies of paperwork on anything involving what his company makes, anything he gets under the table, because sometimes the self employed take jobs under the table and don't list them. Get everything possible and get it photocopied and then put back neatly so your ex doesn't realize it is gone. You need things like that. Also, if he has any bank accounts under his own name and not yours, any photocopies of bank statements, would be valuable, or bank books would be extremely valuable for your attorney.

Tax returns for as far back as you have would be important also. That will help your attorney set up how much money was coming in each year.

(1)Make a list of credit cards, bank accounts, and anything that you both have your names on.

(2) Ask the attorney if it is okay for you to withdraw half of the amount from the bank account(s) when the divorce is filed. That way you will get the money that is owed to you without question.

(3) And ask the attorney when you should notify all to get your name or his name off the credit cards, bank accounts, etc. so that both names do NOT APPEAR. You do not want to have him run up credit cards and find you are legally responsible for payment of what he ran up in debt.

(4) After you see the attorney, change your passwords on your own cell phone, your computer or anywhere else you have a password. he is NOT ENTITLED TO HAVE YOUR PASSWORDS AND DON'T GIVE THEM TO HIM. He will use them to check up on you during your divorce.

(5) Ask your attorney about having him move out.

Great advice. Thank you so much. I've got a lot to do and boy is this going to be hard.