My bet is that he's known all along you're not involved with another man because you're not that type. He follows you in order to come up to you and beg you to bring him back so he can sponge off you some more. He wants to make you think he is serious. He also probably wants to put a scare into you too to try to control you too.

It's a great act and that's all it is and he's a great actor, but he's like a cat you let outside and knows it can get fed more food from certain other houses and it goes and begs hard from those houses to get that food. He will eventually go elsewhere if you keep shutting him out.

Your husband is begging you so hard because you support him financially, you provide his food, you provide everything. He is nothing on his own and he knows it.

Also, the appointment is not to make you assertive but to get legal advice and find out what you can do. I would hire someone to help you with this guy.

You know, any time my step-father was cheating on my mother he would always accuse her of cheating ( she never has). I think that was his guilty conscience talking. I wonder if your ex is doing the same thing or hoping to catch you in something so that he can rationalize his behavior.

Given what you've written about him, I think it all just sounds like more attempts to control you. Don't fall for his playacting. You've been so strong already, good for you being so proactive about everything.

Do try to be careful if you think he's following you. Look up where all of the police stations are and know how to get to them, just in case. Much better to be a bit paranoid and not need the information.

*hugs*

Thankyou all. my appointment tommorow is with womens aid? have you heard off them? They help with councilling and the legal side of things. He would go mad if he knew i was going there,I went there for help before and he didnt like it, but this time he is not going to stop me. Thankyou as time goes by.
KAW1962

The counselor isn't going to "make you" more assertive, more maybe give you some insight and some tools as to how to BE more assertive. In that, you will also learn to set some boundaries, and how to execute the consequences when those boundaries are crossed.

Thankyou all. my appointment tommorow is with womens aid? have you heard off them? They help with councilling and the legal side of things. He would go mad if he knew i was going there,I went there for help before and he didnt like it, but this time he is not going to stop me. Thankyou as time goes by.
KAW1962 YES i have heard that if someone is cheating they accuse you of it. Its like if he is looking for something to blame me for.
feelingL thankyou to. yes he is not happy now because he is not in control and it is frightening to not know what he may or may not do now.

As i am writing this he is outside my house . sitting in his car. He hasnt got a key so he cant get in.

your all not going to believe this. It is nearly midnight here .He was outside my house sitting in his car. my phone kept ringing and i stupidly answered and told him to go away. He demanded i let him in and accused me of having a man in here. I told him there was nobody here. He was hammering my front door and shouting that he would kick the door in. I let him in,my son was in bed and i panicked. He searched the house with me telling him im calling the police. He has left and driven off .Shook me up. Im stupid for letting him in but he would have kicked the door in. I need to report it.

I am saying this very nicely, but you seem to feed into his antics and invite his drama. After all the posting you did, why wouldn't you just call the cops, while he's being a creeper outside your house?

I am just wondering, but do you enjoy the attention? Kind of like, if he's stalking you, then that means he's paying attention to you?

no trying to make it. i dont enjoy this. no need for saying that. you dont know me. I am saying what just happened and for your information i have reported it

You beautiful courageous woman.... Finally you are taking action. I know it''s scary and I know it's hard to do the right thing. It scares us to do something for ourselves because of "what might happen" butbyou are doing the right thing.
Yes I understand why it's hard to do. But you finally did it. Now stay the course and keep on this path. It's your only path to happiness and your only path to recovery.
BIG HUG

I agree. Why aren't you calling the police on him hanging outside your home?

And why would you even open the door because he is banging away at it and then let him search your home?

By opening the door and allowing him to search your home you obey him and you encourage him.

sorry i was wrong

Needafriend - I was just acting. Some women seek attention, and with everything you had posted about him, then to let him in after he banged on your door like a lunatic, made me wonder.

If you're genuinely not seeking his attention, I stand corrected.

*asking