Any Advice would be really helpful!

....from what you wrote, you clearly know your situation is toxic and this lifestyle is not what you want..."""isnt the life I wanted."""

If you ended up in the Hospital that is your
body talking to you, my gut was screaming
At me. Our hearts can make Us not listen or
Hear that small voice within. Thats your Instinct
talking not your emotions or feelings. HUGS

Sounds like you are with a toxic narcissistic person. He trapped you in this entanglement from day one! Most narcissistic are very possessive and they project a lot onto their victims. They project anger, Obsession, jealousy, possessiveness to the point that it makes you sick to your stomach physically! Your panic attack is simply you being worried the next time he's going to lash out, if he'll ever stop or if you leave if he'll ever leave you alone. Most narcissistic don't ever want to leave you alone I've been there done that and it's sickening. Don't feel like you're trapped and you have no way out you have to take back your power! The best way to do that is to start doing some deep breathing and some visualization of you detaching yourself from him and his cord, don't use yoga just regular meditation. Start focusing on the life that you want as you start feeling that Detachment happen and take your power back by not letting that jerk boss you around once you start standing up for yourself he'll start backing down a little bit more. The key here is loving yourself and snatching back your power and detaching from him. If you don't have children with him yet I would really consider doing some soul-searching to make sure this is something you want to endure for the rest of your life because your mental health will go downhill if you don't get your power back.

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the love and support I need it!

I truly appreciate you all

Your most certainly welcome sometimes you just need some encouraging words to push you in the right direction! A caring ear to lend yourself to it's okay!!

You are not alone. I have gone through a similar situation, and am in the heavy and sad time of having just started the separation and pursuing divorce. From the day after we got married, things were so hard. They were even hard before we got married, which I realize now. I think I wanted to get married young because I wanted to feel valued and have people see that I am lovable and capable of love. It's a very real thing that many people face, and I fell into that.

For three years, I was in turmoil every single day. I felt trapped and alone. My mental health suffered, and I reached a low point that I never knew I would reach in my entire life. For some reason, I felt unable to leave for a very long time. I think I felt pressure because we were MARRIED, it was a big big deal. I didn't want to let him down, others down, myself down, and I thought that maybe I was actually the one causing all of this. Then I realized- my wellness and peace is important, and if I (or anyone else) isn't in a life that is livable, it's so important to do something about it. There are people out there who are married who are living very crushing, very turmoiled lives. It's no way to live.

I want you to know that you have choices. You can chose to stay, and get help and counseling to get through it and hopefully it will improve! You can separate, and you can divorce if you need to. Most of all, the important thing is to reach out to others and tell them what you are going through. It seems like your'e doing that by posting on here, which is a great thing. Just remember you are not alone. You are entirely up to you.

I had panics -- & it turns I have G.A.D.

If U think U could have less stress away from this dude, U could do some thinking about calling it quits.

Another day you could be a better judge if character ,
and could try/better prepared.

good luck to ya'.
-- Paul

Why are you still there ??

If it is time for goodbye, make sure you don't look back and just keep walking.

So sorry you are dealing with this. Having to go to the hospital is certainly a sign that your relationship with your husband is effecting you negatively. You are reaching out to others and often, if we seek the advice of wise and loving friends and family that helps.

Have you considered your options? Counseling could be helpful. Whether it restores your marriage or not, it is so important that you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Books have helped me too. Have you ever read Leslie Vernick's "Emotionally Destructive Marriage" which might give you insight and advice on how to proceed in your own marriage.

Again, I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. As much as I believe that marriages should be forever, I also believe you must take care of you. Blessings and hope this helps.