She said she’s here for me and to reach out if I need her. But I shouldn’t do that, right? She asked me to be strong for her. I don’t know how. And we still have to figure out our finances, furniture, etc next week. How do you get through that?

Why did you two break up? Was this out of the blue? Were there major problems leading up to this?

Breathe. You'll get through this. One step at a time.

I wasn’t making her the main priority. We moved near my mom after my dad passed and she needs a lot of help and recently had a stroke. So much of my time was spent there, making her feel really alone. There’s a lot of other pieces and I understand and am ready to make changes but now it’s too late for her.

How long have you been helping out your mother?

I think a loving, understanding and supportive partner would understand that sometimes life throws shit at us that requires our full attention, time and focus, such as helping parents or other family members during a time of crisis.

But, if that pulls you away from the relationship, you need to set boundaries and enforce them.

The time to "make changes" is when a partner first brings up concerns regarding the relationship. If the issues are addressed at that time, conversations had, compromised made, things can be resolved before "it's too late".

I am so very sorry for your pain...I am currently going through a divorce and I felt like this about 2 months ago.....you’re going to be ok...I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you will be ok..... it’s hard to breathe.... it’s hard to understand how it got to the point of ending it..... you may never get the answers you want.... but just take each day as it comes and seek help from people around you.... it’s going to be a very long road but just remember that even if you are crawling you are still moving forward

I'm so sorry that things have gone the way they have. In response to your partner mentioning that they are there for you and have given you the option to reach out to them, I can say from personal experience that it doesn't make the break-up process any easier. I understand that they might seem like the person who knows you best, thus making them the one you want to reach out to for help, but I also know that it ends up doing more harm than good. Things always happen for a reason. I know that that sucks to hear right now, but try to keep your chin up. You will get through this. It may take a while, but know that you can do it.

Thanks everyone. I just wish I could make the pain lessen. Right now I’m having a hard time making it through the day without crying (or even just an hour). We still have to figure out finances and stuff and I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together to manage that. She said I need to be strong for her, but I don’t even know how to begin to accomplish that.

What does she mean, you need to be strong for her? Sorry, I don't understand that statement. She breaks up with you and then tells you to be strong? Is that what she means?

GirlinCalif, i have the same question.

It sounds to me like "be strong for me, don't cry because I don't want to feel guilty about breaking up and hurting you."

@Yard_Eggs -

Yes, exactly. That struck me as odd and I hope the original poster can elaborate more on that. Sounds like - "Okay, I'm dumping you today, after 10 years, good luck with your Mom's stroke and all that.... oh and also, I NEED you to be strong... for ME"

???? Ugh. Please elaborate winter10. We'd like to know what that means.

Very sorry to hear that, winter10. I know how it feels. When it happened to me I felt like I was drowning, and every stroke was useless, everything I did just pulled me deeper. How can anyone survive that? It will hurt really, really bad before it gets better. You have to accept this as the new reality. The sooner you accept it the sooner will your healing begin. When you have accepted it, you will be able to face her and discuss as mature adults whether she wants to work it out or she is really done. Either way you will be able to see the situation better and can talk it over more confidently. Do not think of the ten years or else that will be a kind of baggage for you. Just mentally start from zero and ask where do we go from here?